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  1. #1
    devin.high is offline Junior Member
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    My ex wife has falsely accused me of something

    My name is Devin and I am from Arizona. I am a single father with joint custody of my daughter. I recently got out of the military and due to false allegations of domestic violence that my ex wife levied on me in 2008 the border patrol turned me away. Like any good soldier I had a plan B. I enrolled in college and now am on my way to getting my RN liscense. I started a new romantic relationship about a month ago with someone who I have a deep connection with. My ex wife had calmed her shenanigans for a good while. Of course there were always the random spats here and there but for the most part things have been not too bad. Until tuesday. I have my visits with my daughter tuesdays, thursdays, and every other weekend. My girlfriend was with me when I dropped her off after my visit. My ex wife's current boyfriend was the one who recieved my daughter from me. The next day my ex wife sent me a text message telling me I HAD to tell her who my girlfriend was because if she was going to be around my daughter it was her right to know. Based on past experiences with my ex and letting her know who I was dating I decided it was not a good idea. I politely told her it was none of her business and since I had to trust her judgement she had to trust mine. My ex has issues with being told no. So you can imagine what my wednesday was like on my cell phone. Thursday since my girlfriend and I carpool to school she was with me both for pickup and drop off. My ex was the one there both times this time. Once again I was harrassed about my love life. Now whenever I have any person to person contact with my ex wife I have a voice recorder with microphone taping the encounter. So during drop off my ex got very callous with me so I just said bye and left. This weekend was supposed to be my weekend with my daughter. My girlfriend and I showed up on friday at 550pm to pick up my baby girl at 6. I knocked but there was no answer. I waited until 6pm then texted my ex wife telling her i was spotting her 10 minutes then I was going to file a report for custodial interferance. Little did I know my ex was already at the police station filing for an emergency protection order against me. So when I walked into the police station my ex was there and so was my daughter. My ex was standing in a doorway to a back room and my daughter yelled "Daddy daddy." and ran to me. My ex grabbed her by her arm and started crying and said "Oh my god its him, I can't look at him he scares me so much.". So with a puzzled look on my face I turned to the first officer I saw and told him why I was there. He said that was all well and good but the emergency protection order he needed to serve me with trumped that. As you can guess my jaw dropped to the floor. No one would tell me what I was being accused of. All I was told was that the charges were filed against me in Huachuca city where I live but since the court was in Sierra Vista the order was processed there. So today I had a meeting with the acting chief of Huachuca city police department to address what I was being criminally accused of. Since he was not the investigating officer he could only tell me that the allegations involved my daughter and CPS was involved now. CPS already has an open case on my ex wife for a slap mark bruise she recieved in her care. I expect a call from them monday about these new allegations that are an obvious ploy to get retribution for her cps issues. Monday I have to miss my midterm biology test to appeal the protection order. My girlfriend is a certified paralegal in California but we are in Arizona. She needs help with the statutes and legal numbers and what not to start filing things to stop this. Now this is round 3 of false charges. I am tired of it. This vicious cycle needs to end. Nothing has happened to her for her past lies and deciet. When I get my name cleared this time she will try something else. Every single cop, lawyer, or judge I talk to tells me nothing can be done to stop this. This isn't right. I know it isn't right. I'm tired of being harrassed but the police just shrug and say "sue her". I am a college student living on my GI bill. I cannot afford a lawyer. She wants me ruined. I refuse to fall. I am a blubbering mess right now because my little girl is not in my arms. I could care less about my life to be honest I just care about her. Any advice and or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
  2. #2
    single317dad is offline Senior Member
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    OP, in the future, please follow the forum guidelines and break up your post into paragraphs of relevant information. It makes your post much easier to read. Allow me to demonstrate:

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    My name is Devin and I am from Arizona. I am a single father with joint custody of my daughter. I recently got out of the military and due to false allegations of domestic violence that my ex wife levied on me in 2008 the border patrol turned me away. Like any good soldier I had a plan B. I enrolled in college and now am on my way to getting my RN liscense.
    What was alleged in 2008, and what became of the allegations? Were there any charges filed, or any conviction?

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    I started a new romantic relationship about a month ago with someone who I have a deep connection with. My ex wife had calmed her shenanigans for a good while. Of course there were always the random spats here and there but for the most part things have been not too bad. Until tuesday. I have my visits with my daughter tuesdays, thursdays, and every other weekend. My girlfriend was with me when I dropped her off after my visit. My ex wife's current boyfriend was the one who recieved my daughter from me.
    I have my doubts about your "deep connection", but that's beside the point. Neither your new Belle nor Mom's Beau have any say in anything. The best course of action would be for you and Mom to handle exchanges with each other, in person. Barring that, a neutral family member might be best. Having the SOs involved is bad form on both your parts.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    The next day my ex wife sent me a text message telling me I HAD to tell her who my girlfriend was because if she was going to be around my daughter it was her right to know. Based on past experiences with my ex and letting her know who I was dating I decided it was not a good idea. I politely told her it was none of her business and since I had to trust her judgement she had to trust mine. My ex has issues with being told no. So you can imagine what my wednesday was like on my cell phone. Thursday since my girlfriend and I carpool to school she was with me both for pickup and drop off. My ex was the one there both times this time. Once again I was harrassed about my love life.
    So, you knew Mom was already wired about your new SO, yet you brought her to the next meeting? That was probably not a good idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    Now whenever I have any person to person contact with my ex wife I have a voice recorder with microphone taping the encounter.
    That's a fine idea as long as it's legal in your jurisdiction. It's gotten me out of two jams, personally.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    So during drop off my ex got very callous with me so I just said bye and left. This weekend was supposed to be my weekend with my daughter. My girlfriend and I showed up on friday at 550pm to pick up my baby girl at 6. I knocked but there was no answer. I waited until 6pm then texted my ex wife telling her i was spotting her 10 minutes then I was going to file a report for custodial interferance. Little did I know my ex was already at the police station filing for an emergency protection order against me. So when I walked into the police station my ex was there and so was my daughter. My ex was standing in a doorway to a back room and my daughter yelled "Daddy daddy." and ran to me. My ex grabbed her by her arm and started crying and said "Oh my god its him, I can't look at him he scares me so much.".
    So things escalated. I'm not surprised, and you shouldn't be, either.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    So with a puzzled look on my face I turned to the first officer I saw and told him why I was there. He said that was all well and good but the emergency protection order he needed to serve me with trumped that. As you can guess my jaw dropped to the floor. No one would tell me what I was being accused of. All I was told was that the charges were filed against me in Huachuca city where I live but since the court was in Sierra Vista the order was processed there. So today I had a meeting with the acting chief of Huachuca city police department to address what I was being criminally accused of. Since he was not the investigating officer he could only tell me that the allegations involved my daughter and CPS was involved now. CPS already has an open case on my ex wife for a slap mark bruise she recieved in her care. I expect a call from them monday about these new allegations that are an obvious ploy to get retribution for her cps issues. Monday I have to miss my midterm biology test to appeal the protection order. My girlfriend is a certified paralegal in California but we are in Arizona. She needs help with the statutes and legal numbers and what not to start filing things to stop this. Now this is round 3 of false charges. I am tired of it. This vicious cycle needs to end.
    From what you've said here, I can't really tell if this is a protective order filed by the prosecutor pursuant to a domestic violence charge, or if it's simply an ex parte protective order filed by Mom. There's a big difference, and you need to find out which it is. In fact, you need to find out first thing Monday what charges, if any, are filed against you, and if you have any court appearances scheduled. If not, you need to request a court date of your own to address the protective order.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    Nothing has happened to her for her past lies and deciet. When I get my name cleared this time she will try something else. Every single cop, lawyer, or judge I talk to tells me nothing can be done to stop this. This isn't right. I know it isn't right. I'm tired of being harrassed but the police just shrug and say "sue her".
    And very likely nothing will ever be done to stop her or punish her for her actions. I'm living through a similar situation, and the only thing you can do is PROTECT YOURSELF. I never meet my Ex without a witness present, preferably a police officer, but a family member is OK. Don't bring your GF. If I can't wrangle up a credible witness, I send a friend or family member to the exchange. Again, GF is a bad idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    I am a college student living on my GI bill. I cannot afford a lawyer. She wants me ruined. I refuse to fall. I am a blubbering mess right now because my little girl is not in my arms. I could care less about my life to be honest I just care about her. Any advice and or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
    Be very careful taking legal advice or having documents drawn up by your GF. Unlicensed practice of law is taken seriously by the courts. Make sure nothing she or you do crosses that line.

    Arizona Domestic Violence Statutes:

    [url=http://www.azleg.state.az.us/ars/13/03601.htm]13-3601 - Domestic violence; definition; classification; sentencing option; arrest and procedure for violation; weapon seizure[/url]

    Arizona Domestic Relations Statutes (marriage, divorce, custody):

    [url=http://www.azleg.gov/arizonarevisedstatutes.asp?title=25]Arizona Revised Statutes[/url]
  3. #3
    devin.high is offline Junior Member
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    What was alleged in 2008, and what became of the allegations? Were there any charges filed, or any conviction?

    She broke a window in the house because I locked her out of it. Then called the police and told them I raped and swung at her. I was charged but charges were dropped. She told an investigator following up on the case to go F themselves so it got dropped.

    I have my doubts about your "deep connection", but that's beside the point. Neither your new Belle nor Mom's Beau have any say in anything. The best course of action would be for you and Mom to handle exchanges with each other, in person. Barring that, a neutral family member might be best. Having the SOs involved is bad form on both your parts.

    I can do that because i work my schedule around my visits. My ex cannot. My GF never got out of my truck and didn't even look at my ex wife.



    So, you knew Mom was already wired about your new SO, yet you brought her to the next meeting? That was probably not a good idea.

    Wired is a funny word. My ex is diagnosed borderline personality disorder. And an amazing actress. Waterworks can flow out of her face at will.



    That's a fine idea as long as it's legal in your jurisdiction. It's gotten me out of two jams, personally.

    It is legal. My lawyer for my divorce gave me the thing two years ago.



    So things escalated. I'm not surprised, and you shouldn't be, either.

    Like I said BPD.



    From what you've said here, I can't really tell if this is a protective order filed by the prosecutor pursuant to a domestic violence charge, or if it's simply an ex parte protective order filed by Mom. There's a big difference, and you need to find out which it is. In fact, you need to find out first thing Monday what charges, if any, are filed against you, and if you have any court appearances scheduled. If not, you need to request a court date of your own to address the protective order.

    It is an emergency protective order. Intitiated by the police and approved by a judge over the phone.

    And very likely nothing will ever be done to stop her or punish her for her actions. I'm living through a similar situation, and the only thing you can do is PROTECT YOURSELF. I never meet my Ex without a witness present, preferably a police officer, but a family member is OK. Don't bring your GF. If I can't wrangle up a credible witness, I send a friend or family member to the exchange. Again, GF is a bad idea.

    Then how is this fair? So because she is missing a y chromosome she can say and do whatever she wants to try and destroy me and get away with it.





    Be very careful taking legal advice or having documents drawn up by your GF. Unlicensed practice of law is taken seriously by the courts. Make sure nothing she or you do crosses that line.

    We do have enough evidence to prove Mens rea. What my girlfriend wants to do is file a counter claim. She wants to file an injuction to have the judge read our evidence of my ex's craziness before he walks into the courtroom.
    Also to request a hearing. My girlfriend is mad. The allegations are against my girlfriend not me. My ex is saying that my daughter said that my girlfriend hit her. Here is whats funny, my daughter does not call my gf by her name. She says Briannas mommy. So monday when my ex starts calling my GF brianna she is going to feel really stupid when we show a picture of brianna, a 19 month old little girl. My ex knows nothing about my girlfriend. If she did then she would have her name. This is a clear message to me: do what I tell you or else.

    Arizona Domestic Violence Statutes:

    [url=http://www.azleg.state.az.us/ars/13/03601.htm]13-3601 - Domestic violence; definition; classification; sentencing option; arrest and procedure for violation; weapon seizure[/url]

    Arizona Domestic Relations Statutes (marriage, divorce, custody):

    [url=http://www.azleg.gov/arizonarevisedstatutes.asp?title=25]Arizona Revised Statutes[/url][/QUOTE]
  4. #4
    single317dad is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by devin.high View Post
    She broke a window in the house because I locked her out of it. Then called the police and told them I raped and swung at her. I was charged but charges were dropped. She told an investigator following up on the case to go F themselves so it got dropped.

    I can do that because i work my schedule around my visits. My ex cannot. My GF never got out of my truck and didn't even look at my ex wife.

    Wired is a funny word. My ex is diagnosed borderline personality disorder. And an amazing actress. Waterworks can flow out of her face at will.

    It is legal. My lawyer for my divorce gave me the thing two years ago.

    Like I said BPD.

    It is an emergency protective order. Intitiated by the police and approved by a judge over the phone.

    Then how is this fair? So because she is missing a y chromosome she can say and do whatever she wants to try and destroy me and get away with it.

    We do have enough evidence to prove Mens rea. What my girlfriend wants to do is file a counter claim. She wants to file an injuction to have the judge read our evidence of my ex's craziness before he walks into the courtroom.
    Also to request a hearing. My girlfriend is mad. The allegations are against my girlfriend not me. My ex is saying that my daughter said that my girlfriend hit her. Here is whats funny, my daughter does not call my gf by her name. She says Briannas mommy. So monday when my ex starts calling my GF brianna she is going to feel really stupid when we show a picture of brianna, a 19 month old little girl. My ex knows nothing about my girlfriend. If she did then she would have her name. This is a clear message to me: do what I tell you or else.
    Dad, I feel for you. I've walked a mile in your shoes. And the conclusion I had to come to was that it was time to stop making excuses and coming up with reasons why I couldn't change my behavior. It was time to stop dealing directly with my Ex without a credible witness present at all times, and it was time to stop being a victim of her BPD (among other diagnoses) and violent behavior and move on with my life. The sooner you do these things, the better for all involved.

    The fact that your GF was named (even incorrectly) in the allegations does NOT mean she can counsel you on legal strategy or prepare forms for you. Don't get yourself and her in hot water.

    When you go to court, stick to the facts. Don't play the game Ex will probably be playing, the judge will not be impressed by it. if you plan to use a recording in your favor, make sure it's admissible. You may want to consult with the lawyer who provided the recorder to ask him if you need an affidavit in that matter. And whatever you do, DO NOT violate the restraining order! I've been separated from my son 6 times by false restraining orders, the first time was 90 days, and each subsequent order was shorter. It hurts, it's maddening, but you will only harm yourself by violating the order.

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