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My Husband Does Not Want To Press Charges

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gozee

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Brief Synopsis: My husband and i got into an argument that turned physical. He hit first however i used the broken piece of a chair to hit him in return, several times. He basically ended up calling 911 and when the police arrived, he told them he did not want to press charges. However, after surveying the situation, they placed me under arrest due to the fact that his marks were more visible than mine. They also took pictures of my husbands bruises. I was released later that day on my own recognizance and have no prior record, no arrests, nothing. My husband and i have resolved our issues through counseling and family and just want this whole ugly incident put behind us.

My questions are as follows:

- If i plead not guilty, could this be misconstrued as a lack of remorse on my part?

- My husband has continually maintained that he DOES NOT want to press charges and intends to insist that his wounds were superficial and he was not very hurt. Could this help my case or would he be better off not saying anything at all?

- What are the chances the charges will be dropped and is there ANYTHING i can do to increase the odds?

Please i know that what i did was terrible and i have to live with the guilt of that everyday for the rest of my life so please, no judgments or guilt trips, just some sound legal advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You really need to talk to an attorney. By calling 911 and involving the police, the decision of whether to press charges or not was taken out of your husband's hands. The DA & courts see this sort of turn-around all the time, and tend to disregard it. The cops have their report and observations from when they were on the scene, and the photos of your husband's injuries - they really don't need his testimony.
 

HomeGuru

Senior Member
gozee said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Brief Synopsis: My husband and i got into an argument that turned physical. He hit first however i used the broken piece of a chair to hit him in return, several times. He basically ended up calling 911 and when the police arrived, he told them he did not want to press charges. However, after surveying the situation, they placed me under arrest due to the fact that his marks were more visible than mine. They also took pictures of my husbands bruises. I was released later that day on my own recognizance and have no prior record, no arrests, nothing. My husband and i have resolved our issues through counseling and family and just want this whole ugly incident put behind us.

My questions are as follows:

- If i plead not guilty, could this be misconstrued as a lack of remorse on my part?

- My husband has continually maintained that he DOES NOT want to press charges and intends to insist that his wounds were superficial and he was not very hurt. Could this help my case or would he be better off not saying anything at all?

- What are the chances the charges will be dropped and is there ANYTHING i can do to increase the odds?

Please i know that what i did was terrible and i have to live with the guilt of that everyday for the rest of my life so please, no judgments or guilt trips, just some sound legal advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

**A: this is a case of the state vs. you. Even if your husband dropped, the prosecutor can still proceed.
 

gozee

Junior Member
Thank you. Yes i understand that the state is pressing charges NOT my husband so it is out of his control. However, i have been perusing the state regulations regarding DV in NJ and it seems that the state can also decide not to press charges. We called down to the courts today to see if any charges had been pressed and there was no record of any. My husband also left a message for the arresting officer(s) appealing to them to not press charges. The incident happened 5 days ago (9/26) so i'm wondering if they've decided not to go forward with the charges or if the system is just that slow? Basically my questions are:

-Under what circumstances and for what reasons would the state decide NOT to press charges?

-Is there anything we can do/say to stop them from going forward with the charges?

Thank you.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
If this only happened 5 days ago how did you resolve your difference through counseling? A one time session isnt going to change everything. I hope you plan on continuing yur counseling.
 

gozee

Junior Member
Hisbabygirl77 said:
If this only happened 5 days ago how did you resolve your difference through counseling? A one time session isnt going to change everything. I hope you plan on continuing yur counseling.
This is exactly the type of response i was trying to avoid. People who come here have legitimate legal questions and need legitimate legal advice. People should not stand on their pedestals and point fingers, making sarcastic judgemental barbs intended to hurt and degrade. Though it concerns no one, my husband and i worked through our issues the very day the incident occured as we have a "don't let the sun go down on an argument" policy. We are not a volatile couple and this was extremely out of character for us, we have never (and will never again) solved our issues through violence. We actually counselled with our church pastor who agreed we were on the track to healing. I just didn't want to mention where we counseled since most people are anxious to seperate church and state. We have had quite a bit of stress imposed on our relationship for different reasons lately and these, along with other factors combined, lead us to react in a manner we ordinarily never would have.

So please, please, i don't want any confrontation, save your judgement for whoever asks for it. You don't know me or my situation so it's pointless to try to form an opinion. Thank you.

That being said i would still greatly appreciate answers to the q's i posted in my response above, and to those who responded with positive, constructive advice, thank you.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
Actually I was not being rude or judgemental. If I was I would have told you that you were crazy for thinking you could solve your problems in one day. I didnt say that now did I? I was simply encouraging you to continue with your counseling so that as things get more stressful you will have that couseling fresh in your mind so hopefully you can go on to have a good strong relationship. I am 39 years old and in all my 39 years I have never once lifted my hand to anyone no matter how stressed I am certainly never to my spouse whom I adore. We have been through many stressful times and neither of us have even thought of touching the other in a violent way. So that you and your spouse did signals more than just a momentary lasp of typical behavior. Just remember every abusive relationship starts with just one first time and most the time people involved think it will never happen again. So NO I was not judging you in my first post. But since you seemed to think I was then there you go!
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
gozee said:
My questions are as follows:

- If i plead not guilty, could this be misconstrued as a lack of remorse on my part?
It can be seen as anything by anybody, and different things by different people. How a judge will see it is anyone's guess.

Remorse - or the lack of it - is not likely an element of the offense. It may only be a factor in sentencing. And people plead guilty all the time and receive lenient sentences, so unless you display total disdain for the court, I doubt it will be seen for anything more negative than what it is - a guilty plea.


- My husband has continually maintained that he DOES NOT want to press charges and intends to insist that his wounds were superficial and he was not very hurt. Could this help my case or would he be better off not saying anything at all?
You need to ask your attorney. In most states, the case can go forward whether the victim wants it to or not. And the victim CAN usually be compelled to testify.

Not being hurt much still means the battery occurred. And unless one of the elements of the offense is that the victim is hurt "a lot", it really won't matter.


- What are the chances the charges will be dropped and is there ANYTHING i can do to increase the odds?
Short of the victim dropping dead before court? Probably not.

An attorney might be able to negotiate a good plea, however. If you have not retained one yet, it might be a good time to do so.


- Carl
 

BlondeIntel

Registered User
Keep your focus

You actually have five issues that you need to focus on.

1. Your husband needs to learn better anger management skills.

2. You need to learn better anger management skills.

3. Have you resolved the issue or issues that caused your original argument?

4. Will your marriage be stronger or weaker after this?

5. Will DV charges be filed and will the sentence be harsh or lenient?

For issues 1-4, I have to agree with Hisbabygirl77.
. . . continue with your counseling so that as things get more stressful you will have that couseling fresh in your mind so hopefully you can go on to have a good strong relationship.
You can't change bad habbits with just one counseling session and one counseling session won't impress the judge.

stealth2 said:
The DA & courts see this sort of turn-around all the time, and tend to disregard it.
 
Last edited:

gozee

Junior Member
Thank you CDWjava.

I was told that sometimes the arresting officer can be persuaded not to file charges. We called down to the courts and they have no record of anything yet so we are keeping our fingers crossed either way. Miracles do happen, afterall, i was so worried about what the bail was gonna be and then i was ROR'd so.... :)!

Thanks.
 

gozee

Junior Member
Update

UPDATE:

I recieved documents in the mail today (State of New Jersey vs. Me), siting my offense, code violated and signed by the arresting officer. It also states that i am to appear in court at the date and time listed below. But here's the catch - there is no date or time listed!

There were actually two seperate charges, on two seperate forms and on both forms, there is no date or time for a court appearance. They might have mistakenly omitted it on one form but on BOTH?? And the date of the offense is clearly handprinted right next to the space for the date of the court appearance.

So my question is:

Is the state NOT pressing charges??

And if not, do they send a letter to that effect or just omit a court date.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but i dare to hope...
 

gozee

Junior Member
Yes, i will. I was just wondering if there is any precedence regarding this type of occurence and also, how do you know if charges are not being pressed.

Thanks.
 

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