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  1. #1
    brendap1022 is offline Junior Member
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    My son is being abused by his wife.

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

    Hi, I need some advice on how to handle this situation. My son is in an abusive relationship his wife has been abusing him since before they were married 3 years ago. The only reason I feel I need to step in and do something is because of my 3 year old grandson. He is clearly being affected by all of this violence and my ex husband and I feel the need to get involved to protect him. I have offered my advice and help to my son numerous times but he has not accepted it. My daughter in law has forbid me to see my grandson for the past 8 months and she does this as a control mechanism. Anyway there is alot more to this but I need to know if I have any rights in protecting my grandson.

    Thanks
  2. #2
    OHRoadwarrior is offline Senior Member
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    Tell your son to move out and get a divorce. It will solve the problem.
  3. #3
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    If you have evidence of abuse you can report it to the police. Or, if it s happening in front of the children you might consider speaking to child services. However, your son might get in trouble for permitting the abuse to continue in front of the children.

    And, when you say he is being abused, do you man that he is being assaulted and beaten? Or just that his wife is obnoxious, rude, and he is henpecked? There is a difference.
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

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    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

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  4. #4
    brendap1022 is offline Junior Member
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    My son

    He is physically being abused, he has scars all over his arms, I do have some photos of them that I took a few years ago when he was going to report her. If we take the photos to the police what would they do next? Of course our biggest worry is our grandson. Would they automatically put him in protective services? or would the family be able to take him until this is resolved?
  5. #5
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendap1022 View Post
    He is physically being abused, he has scars all over his arms, I do have some photos of them that I took a few years ago when he was going to report her. If we take the photos to the police what would they do next? Of course our biggest worry is our grandson. Would they automatically put him in protective services? or would the family be able to take him until this is resolved?
    The photos from a few years ago will not help. If he is being abused you should call the police.
  6. #6
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendap1022 View Post
    He is physically being abused, he has scars all over his arms, I do have some photos of them that I took a few years ago when he was going to report her. If we take the photos to the police what would they do next? Of course our biggest worry is our grandson. Would they automatically put him in protective services? or would the family be able to take him until this is resolved?
    Child would be placed with Child Services. But child would be safe...That is the important thing.
  7. #7
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendap1022 View Post
    He is physically being abused, he has scars all over his arms, I do have some photos of them that I took a few years ago when he was going to report her. If we take the photos to the police what would they do next? Of course our biggest worry is our grandson. Would they automatically put him in protective services? or would the family be able to take him until this is resolved?
    Marks from a few years ago would be almost worthless. Without context from him, they could not prove who or what caused the injuries and would almost certainly not act. If there is some proof of current abuse, then maybe they might knock on the door and ask a few questions. But, absent visible injuries and some sort of statement or other evidence to affirm that she is physically abusing him, nothing is going to happen.

    You can always report the ongoing abuse to CPS, but they are also unlikely to get too involved without corroboration or evidence of current domestic violence.
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
  8. #8
    Hot Topic is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendap1022 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

    Hi, I need some advice on how to handle this situation. My son is in an abusive relationship his wife has been abusing him since before they were married 3 years ago. The only reason I feel I need to step in and do something is because of my 3 year old grandson. He is clearly being affected by all of this violence and my ex husband and I feel the need to get involved to protect him. I have offered my advice and help to my son numerous times but he has not accepted it. My daughter in law has forbid me to see my grandson for the past 8 months and she does this as a control mechanism. Anyway there is alot more to this but I need to know if I have any rights in protecting my grandson.

    Thanks

    That his wife has been abusing him since before they were married three years ago says more about your son than it does about her. That he had a child with her even though she was abusive also says something about him.

    Of course your daughter-in-law has forbidden you to see your grandson. What did you expect?

    There's something seriously wrong with your son, and you need to worry about him more than the wife.
  9. #9
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by brendap1022 View Post
    He is physically being abused, he has scars all over his arms, I do have some photos of them that I took a few years ago when he was going to report her. If we take the photos to the police what would they do next? Of course our biggest worry is our grandson. Would they automatically put him in protective services? or would the family be able to take him until this is resolved?
    OP, the other thing you might hate to hear is you have no way of knowing if the wounds he is receiving at her hands are defensive wounds or offensive wounds. In other words, you don't know if she is clawing at him to get him to stop beating her or to get him to let go of her, or if she is clawing him offensively.

    Since you are concerned, you should give your son the number for the National Domestic Violence hotline or other information on abusive relationships. DV outreach and the hotline serve men as well as women and can give him good advice. They will also talk with you as a third party so don't hesitate to call and discuss your concerns. You could also offer your son shelter if he needs a place to live if he separates from her. Good luck.
    Last edited by st-kitts; 10-27-2011 at 05:40 PM.
  10. #10
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Hopefully st. kitts will stop by this thread, too.
  11. #11
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    Hopefully st. kitts will stop by this thread, too.
    Your hope is granted.
  12. #12
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Meanie View Post
    Your hope is granted.



    (Um..I uh..also hope for winning Powerball tickets this week.....)
  13. #13
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post


    (Um..I uh..also hope for winning Powerball tickets this week.....)
    No control over that one.... If I could though...
  14. #14
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post


    (Um..I uh..also hope for winning Powerball tickets this week.....)
    Good luck Hon...
  15. #15
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    OP, I want to elaborate a little bit on why I indicated I thought you might need to consider that you son could be the abusive party. This may not be the case, but you need to consider this as you consider getting social service or outside parties involved. Here is some information on wounds that appear when someone is trying defend themself. You mentioned marks on his arms and that raised a HUGE red flag for me.

    Self-defense wounds
    i. Aggressor may have scratches on
    arms and hands or bite marks on
    the chest or arm
    ii. Victim may have bruises on
    forearms, scratches on his/her own
    neck, bilateral injuries, etc.

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