Help My aunt and I are planning on heading to Ohio and picking up my cousin who has been in an abusive marriage for 20 years. Beatings, hospitalizations, you name it. We're trying to get her and the kids to come visit for the summer and praying she will decide to file for divorce and leave him. But that's her decision.
Does your cousin know about this plan or does she think she and the kids are just coming to visit? Helping a victim of domestic violence is very hard if they aren't ready to be helped. You would be well served to read
An anchor in the storm [brewster] and
When men batter women l[jacobson / gottman] both of which will give you insight into abusive relationships, statistics, and ways to help. I also stronly advise you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They will speak with you as a third party and can talk with you about safety concerns.
Is there anything illegal about picking her up at her request and bringing her and the kids to visit us out of state? I want to make sure everything is on the up and up and perfectly legal.
Yes, she is able to go visit you with the kids absent a court order that says otherwise.
I don't want him to have a legal leg to stand on if it comes down to filing for divorce and getting custody.
He is likely to get custody of some kind and even if your cousin were granted sole physical and legal custody, would still likely get visitation/parenting time, likely unsupervised. If your cousin wants to file for divorce and have custody decided in your state rather than Ohio, she would need to live in your state for at least 6 months. If her spouse files before she has established residency, the children could very well be ordered to return to Ohio.
He does drink and do drugs so I thought about calling the cops on him anonymously after we left about the pot he has growing in the woods behind the house. Any sound legal advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God Bless!!
If your cousin calls you during or immediately after an episode of violence against her, I might suggest calling the police. Regarding the drugs however, the fact he does pot may factor less in the custody case than you might think. I am not sure I would take the approach of notifying the police regarding the drugs as a means of aiding your cousin. If you wish to make the report about the drugs as your duty as a citizen, by all means do so, but not as a method of preventing the kids from having contact with Dad.
If your cousin is actively talking about leaving, suggest she visit with a local attorney for a free consultation before you pick her up and suggest she contact a local domestic violence advocate to develop a safety plan for leaving. Many advocates advise leaving at a time the abuser will be out of the house, rather than setting up a confrontation with police present or annoucing that you are leaving because there is a well documented history of dangerous separation violence. A safety plan would help your cousing determine the best method for her, be that fleeing or a law enforcement presence.
If she is only talking about coming for a visit, I would suggest you give her a warm welcome and while she is with you let her know that you worry about her safety and that she doesn't deserve to be beat.
Good luck.
