Need help with case

[ambielee91]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

Recently, in Limestone, NY, I was the victim of Domestic Abuse. I didn't want the law enforcement brought into this because I just wanted to leave and move on with my life. I want to know the easiest way to make this go away. We are both too young to have this on either of our records and I just would like to move on as civilly as we can. We both have the same friends, some of them related to us both and that will make it hard for family events and other such gatherings. I do not want to drop the charges to get back with the defendant. I just don't want any charges or restraining order put against him. It was a unfortunate event that happened and like I have previously stated I just want to move on and go on with our lives even though we'll never be together again. I would like to be able to tell the judge or the court my side and allow them to know that I am okay and I don't want anything to be done except for both us to move on and maybe become friends down the line but nothing more. I don't want to put a strain on our friends or family, this was our mistake and they shouldn't have to deal with it.

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York

Recently, in Limestone, NY, I was the victim of Domestic Abuse. I didn't want the law enforcement brought into this because I just wanted to leave and move on with my life. I want to know the easiest way to make this go away. We are both too young to have this on either of our records and I just would like to move on as civilly as we can. We both have the same friends, some of them related to us both and that will make it hard for family events and other such gatherings. I do not want to drop the charges to get back with the defendant. I just don't want any charges or restraining order put against him. It was a unfortunate event that happened and like I have previously stated I just want to move on and go on with our lives even though we'll never be together again. I would like to be able to tell the judge or the court my side and allow them to know that I am okay and I don't want anything to be done except for both us to move on and maybe become friends down the line but nothing more. I don't want to put a strain on our friends or family, this was our mistake and they shouldn't have to deal with it.

You don't get to decide if the abuser faces charges or not.
You may get an opportunity to speak at the court case, however, don't count on it to change anything.

You need to realize, if abuse happens once, there is a high probability that it will happen again (whether it is against you or against some other person). And if this incident is swept under the rug, it will not do you, the abuser or any future victim, any favors.

 

[ambielee91]

You don't get to decide if the abuser faces charges or not.
You may get an opportunity to speak at the court case, however, don't count on it to change anything.

You need to realize, if abuse happens once, there is a high probability that it will happen again (whether it is against you or against some other person). And if this incident is swept under the rug, it will not do you, the abuser or any future victim, any favors.

I know but the event happened while he was completely intoxicated. Im not saying that it was right because it wasnt. Im just saying it doesnt need to go as far as having an order of protection for me. I am completely fine and know that I dont want to be in that relationship anymore. We were together 6 years and now our friends and family have to have our burden forced upon them.

 

[Proserpina]

I know but the event happened while he was completely intoxicated. Im not saying that it was right because it wasnt. Im just saying it doesnt need to go as far as having an order of protection for me. I am completely fine and know that I dont want to be in that relationship anymore. We were together 6 years and now our friends and family have to have our burden forced upon them.

You're still in victim mode which is of course normal but that can be very dangerous in the long term. It's not your fault. It's not your problem if he's heavily penalized. Ladyback is right - this isn't going to be the only time whether it's you or someone else.

The DA can go ahead without your testimony, but please reconsider your thoughts. It might also be a good idea for you to visit http://www.aardvarc.org/. The lady who runs it is wonderful, and the site has helped many, many victims. Please revisit your options. Nobody has the right to hurt you like that.

 

[single317dad]

I know but the event happened while he was completely intoxicated. Im not saying that it was right because it wasnt. Im just saying it doesnt need to go as far as having an order of protection for me. I am completely fine and know that I dont want to be in that relationship anymore. We were together 6 years and now our friends and family have to have our burden forced upon them.

As a general rule, as long as an order of protection is not as a result of criminal charges (e.g., pursued by the prosecutor), then you can have it dismissed. That may vary by jurisdiction.

If there are criminal charges, you can be compelled by the prosecutor to testify. Failure to appear in court and tell the truth can result in penalties for you, including imprisonment. The state does not look kindly upon couples that like to waste the taxpayer's time by waffling on prosecution of domestic violence, and the danger these situations pose to law enforcement and bystanders is taken seriously, more so than the parties' wishes to "make it go away".

 

[commentator]

And do you know how many hundreds of people who are the victims of domestic assault use almost exactly this same language to request that charges be dropped? As someone else pointed out, they aren't doing this just for you, they're doing it for the next victim of this "he's only like this when he's out of his mind drunk" person. This is for establishing a history against him, after he's either moved on to the next person because he's destroyed your life, you've had an attack of intelligence, or you're already dead at his hands.

But either way, they want this to be prosecuted, whether you want it to be or not. That way, the next person he runs into can find out about these charges, and they won't believe it has never happened before, and he only did it once, because he was just crazy drunk.

Of course you wish it would just go away. You are getting over it, you want to erase it from your memory banks, pretend it never happened, move on, get on with my life, whatever. It's called DENIAL. It is a classic response for victims of assault and abuse. You need to not only move on, you need some work with a counselor to help you recover.

I saw a situation where a woman had been run down deliberately by a car driven by her husband while she was pregnant. After she got out of the hospital, she didn't want to press charges, wanted to drop everything. Won't fly. If the assault was bad enough, there's nothing you can say or do that will make it go away. The court has seen it and heard it all before. And they know they'll probably see this person again, maybe not with you as the victim next time, but likely it won't be a one time thing, particularly if he gets away with it.