No Contact Order for 11 year old

[1974princess]

Indiana

Sorry for the short notice but I am hopeful that someone can send me some quick advice.
My son is 11, I have other posts regarding him on here and the abuse he has received by the hands of his step-mother.
There is a No-Contact order still in effect as of today. She is to not be around my son until her trial or a plea bargain is reached. Her court date today was re-scheduled today for Nov 22. I am pretty sure that a plea bargain will most likelybe reached then.
My question is my sons great grandmother died and the viewing is Tuesday(tomorrow).
I want to take him. I talked to my ex and told him our son was crying because he said his wife would be present the entire 5 hours of the viewing and our son wants to go for maybe 30 minutes. If I take him doesent she have to leave until we leave? I am not trying to be difficult but I really think my son will end up resenting his dad if I dont take him for just a little bit.
Thanks for your advice.

 

[Isis1]

Lady, are you trying to get the court ordered revoked? If you KNOW someone who is a danger to him will be present, DON'T TAKE HIM. plain and simple. What is so hard about that? She is going to be there first. Why does she have to skiddaddle? Have a private ceremony at home. It's actually pretty simple.

 

[1974princess]

She is his step mom, his great grandma died. His step mom has abused him for a while and their was actually finally a case filed in February. I thought that according to a no-contact order she would have to leave if I brought him? Isnt the court suppose to be on the victims side? I feel like he is being punished over and over by his dad not getting him because he doesent want his wife to be mad?

 

[mistoffolees]

She is his step mom, his great grandma died. His step mom has abused him for a while and their was actually finally a case filed in February. I thought that according to a no-contact order she would have to leave if I brought him? Isnt the court suppose to be on the victims side? I feel like he is being punished over and over by his dad not getting him because he doesent want his wife to be mad?

Isis is right - it's a valid court order and if you knowingly bring the child with SM is there, it can negate the entire court order (I suppose that, in principle, it could even open you up to contempt charges).

I would tell Dad that the court order is in place and you have every intention of following it. If he can arrange for SM to leave for a while, you can bring the child, but if SM is there, you're leaving. If the grand-grandmother is on Dad's side, that might be reasonable. If the great-grandmother is on SM's side, I don't think it is - and I would simply tell Dad that the child won't be there.

Or, you could just skip it. I know it would never have broken my heart to miss a viewing when I was a kid.

 

[Isis1]

She is his step mom, his great grandma died. His step mom has abused him for a while and their was actually finally a case filed in February. I thought that according to a no-contact order she would have to leave if I brought him? Isnt the court suppose to be on the victims side? I feel like he is being punished over and over by his dad not getting him because he doesent want his wife to be mad?

Of course the law is on the child's side. It might be a good idea for YOU to get on the child's side as well. Stop taking the child to where the danger is. Real simple.

 

[1974princess]

Believe me I would LOVE to skip it...but he is very upset. I thought the prosecutor said that if I went somewhere and she was there that she had like5 minutes to leave or she could be arrested. I guess I dont think its fair that he as the victim would have less freedom than her as a perp. Am I just understanding things wrong? Dads family is totally on his/her side. They dont agree that 2 inch long finger bruises on both upper arms is as serious as the CPS people thought. Gma actually said that she has to give up 1 grandchild to get to see the other 4?

 

[CourtClerk]

You can't just start showing up with the kid and say HE'S HERE NOW SO YOU LEAVE!!!

Doesn't work that way. If it did, then all you'd have to do is show up everywhere she is and she's just have to keep herself in the house (until you bring the kid over there too).

 

[Isis1]

Believe me I would LOVE to skip it...but he is very upset. I thought the prosecutor said that if I went somewhere and she was there that she had like5 minutes to leave or she could be arrested. I guess I dont think its fair that he as the victim would have less freedom than her as a perp. Am I just understanding things wrong? Dads family is totally on his/her side. They dont agree that 2 inch long finger bruises on both upper arms is as serious as the CPS people thought. Gma actually said that she has to give up 1 grandchild to get to see the other 4?

What are you talking about?? The child has all the freedom outside in the rest of the world outside the area where the viewing is being held!! So everytime you arrive somewhere do you make a public announcement so all the convicted pedophiles leave? Who are you? Paris Hilton?

 

[1974princess]

Ok, to sum up all the advice...My son cannot go to his own grandmothers viewing because his stepmother will be there. Even though she knowingly abused him even with a court order in place banning her from discipline. Since their is a no-contact order in place "he" is the one who is not allowed to go while she parades around knowing she really does not want to be there but she is only to continue to hurt him more. (she knows he really is upset and wants to go) Oh, and did I mention that last week at their regular weekly counceling visit the councelor asked her if she would be willing to leave about an hour at some point at Thanksgiving so my son could be with all his dads family? Her reply,"No". The councelor said that the sessions are over at this point with her because we dont seem to be getting anywhere.
I am really trying to keep the relationship between my son and his dad good, but I am really getting sick of sugar coating all this simply to ensure he doesent hate his dad in the end. Its very $$costly$$ to protect your children when you have to continuously file for protection in court. Im tired of my children losing out on a relationship with their dad because of his "choice" of a wife. Its really very sad! Thanks though for your advice.

 

[CourtClerk]

and end.... scene.

That.. was dramatic to say the least.

 

[1974princess]

Im glad you found it humorous! Unfortunatly, this is real life. I dont think anyone would want to live what my son has had too.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok, to sum up all the advice...My son cannot go to his own grandmothers viewing because his stepmother will be there. Even though she knowingly abused him even with a court order in place banning her from discipline. Since their is a no-contact order in place "he" is the one who is not allowed to go while she parades around knowing she really does not want to be there but she is only to continue to hurt him more. (she knows he really is upset and wants to go) Oh, and did I mention that last week at their regular weekly counceling visit the councelor asked her if she would be willing to leave about an hour at some point at Thanksgiving so my son could be with all his dads family? Her reply,"No". The councelor said that the sessions are over at this point with her because we dont seem to be getting anywhere.

Sometimes life isn't fair.

You have a court order that was issued on the basis of some concern about the children's safety. If Dad doesn't understand that and/or isn't willing to work around it, then he's not much of a father, anyway.

I am really trying to keep the relationship between my son and his dad good, but I am really getting sick of sugar coating all this simply to ensure he doesent hate his dad in the end. Its very $$costly$$ to protect your children when you have to continuously file for protection in court. Im tired of my children losing out on a relationship with their dad because of his "choice" of a wife. Its really very sad! Thanks though for your advice.

Yes, it's expensive to protect your kids. So why would you want to throw all that expense and effort away by voiding your protection order?

Explain to Dad that you have no objection to him seeing the child or the child attending the funeral, but unfortunately your hands are tied by a court order. Let HIM deal with his wife.

If he won't do it, then take the child to visit the other relatives after the funeral and explain that he really wanted to attend but wasn't able to because of a court order.

 

[CdwJava]

Here is what you need to do ... tomorrow morning, call the court and advise the clerk that it is an emergency and explain the situation. See if you can get a judge to WAIVE the restraining order for the day, so long as you remain with the child and the contact is limited to the viewing and/or funeral/memorial services. That way stepmom doesn't get in trouble, you don't look like you're forcing step mom out the door, and the courts are on board.

This sort of thing can be done ... however, the time element makes it difficult. So, get started early.

If you do not want to waive the order for the viewing, then either the step mom is a horrendous danger to the child and you should not take him under any circumstances, or, you are simply exercising vindictiveness. I would hope that you could feel secure enough to go along with waiving the order for the duration of the viewing.

 

[1974princess]

Im so frustrated I just cannot tell you. Dad has full visitation but, only sees our 11yr old maybe 3hours on his weekends and 1hour during his wednesday. Our other son is 14 and since stepmom didnt hurt him the Judge allows him to come and go as normal. Dad calls to say he cant get our 11year old because they are vacationing at Kings Island, out of state. Or that they are going to the zoo and since his wife is going he wont exercise his parenting time. My son just sits and cries. I have been nothing but positive and continue to make excuses for his dad. I guess thats why this death of his great grandma is the straw that broke the camels back. I know that probably sounds stupid but with all the stress this just really upset me. Dad actually told me I was being difficult when I called to ask him to please talk to our son because he was crying after dad said he would not be able to attend tomorrow. I wanted him to try to make our son understand or maybe tell him he would be bored....anything but "you cant go because a..... will be there...sorry". I dont know, I sometimes just want to spill it and tell him he is right and his dad is being a butt!! You dont have to say it, I wouldnt do that....Someday he will see exactly what went on. I wont have to say a word.

 

[CourtClerk]

You know what? You don't need a legal forum, you need a support group and some friends.

We don't do venting here and your legal questions have been answered. Everything else is girlfriend talk or therapist talk.