Non-Physical Abuse, A Downward Spiral

[thelight]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hello, everyone. My first time here. Hopefully someone can help me.

I had an abusive marriage with a successful, high-functioning psychopath. (Not exaggerating.) He has been smart enough to not physically hurt me, although he sexually exploited me, among other kinds of abuse. He is very manipulative and convincing, so that many people believe that he is a good person in many ways, including a good husband and a good father. For God's sake, he even gives to and has his own charity! Only I know what kind of man he really is behind the mask, although I came to that awareness too late. Under his gaslighting and manipulation, I kept making excuses for him and believing that he was a good man. (Just Wiki "gaslighting.")

During our marriage, the abuse got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for it. During my hospitalization, he continued distorting stories and made nearly everyone he talked with believe that I was �crazy� and a danger to the kids. The unprofessional staff at the hospital were biased by him so they did not listen to my explanation. They made up their minds before they even talked to me, and nothing I said could change their mind. I�ve got records because of it, although CPS did not charge me after investigation.

He continued bullying me with my �records,� which he created. I did not have the resource to fight him, and I didn�t feel that the system would listen to me, so I gave up nearly all my parental rights during the divorce.

The mess did not end there. The divorce did not stop his power game, deception, entitlement, and manipulation. There are many stories, but the immediate crisis is, one of our children is in trouble with the law, so the system is involved. He continues manipulating and causing the system to buy into the false allegations about me, even though HE has been the one responsible for the kids! I haven�t lived with kids for almost 2 years!

I never reported him for domestic violence, and I don�t see how it can work when there has not been evidence and it was not physical. It's only my words against his. And his public image is so positive.

His psychological abuse doesn�t seem to end, and I don�t see how I�m going to fight him after I�ve been officially branded with all the labels. I don�t see how I am going to convince the system to rewrite my story all the way back to years ago and stop bothering me with the false allegations.

How can I ever get out of this hole? I feel so powerless and hopeless that I resent that I didn�t kill myself successfully. Is the law really useless in my situation?

 

[drruthless]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hello, everyone. My first time here. Hopefully someone can help me.

I had an abusive marriage with a successful, high-functioning psychopath. (Not exaggerating.) He has been smart enough to not physically hurt me, although he sexually exploited me, among other kinds of abuse. He is very manipulative and convincing, so that many people believe that he is a good person in many ways, including a good husband and a good father. For God's sake, he even gives to and has his own charity! Only I know what kind of man he really is behind the mask, although I came to that awareness too late. Under his gaslighting and manipulation, I kept making excuses for him and believing that he was a good man. (Just Wiki "gaslighting.")

During our marriage, the abuse got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for it. During my hospitalization, he continued distorting stories and made nearly everyone he talked with believe that I was �crazy� and a danger to the kids. The unprofessional staff at the hospital were biased by him so they did not listen to my explanation. They made up their minds before they even talked to me, and nothing I said could change their mind. I�ve got records because of it, although CPS did not charge me after investigation.

He continued bullying me with my �records,� which he created. I did not have the resource to fight him, and I didn�t feel that the system would listen to me, so I gave up nearly all my parental rights during the divorce.

The mess did not end there. The divorce did not stop his power game, deception, entitlement, and manipulation. There are many stories, but the immediate crisis is, one of our children is in trouble with the law, so the system is involved. He continues manipulating and causing the system to buy into the false allegations about me, even though HE has been the one responsible for the kids! I haven�t lived with kids for almost 2 years!

I never reported him for domestic violence, and I don�t see how it can work when there has not been evidence and it was not physical. It's only my words against his. And his public image is so positive.

His psychological abuse doesn�t seem to end, and I don�t see how I�m going to fight him after I�ve been officially branded with all the labels. I don�t see how I am going to convince the system to rewrite my story all the way back to years ago and stop bothering me with the false allegations.

How can I ever get out of this hole? I feel so powerless and hopeless that I resent that I didn�t kill myself successfully. Is the law really useless in my situation?

I'd start with filing a police report for domestic violence for him and seeking the services of a good therapist for you

 

[thelight]

I'd start with filing a police report for domestic violence for him and seeking the services of a good therapist for you

We are already divorced. Can I still file for DV? Also, a few attorneys told me that there is nothing the laws can do because there was no physical violence. That's why I feel so stuck...

 

[single317dad]

I'd start with filing a police report for domestic violence for him and seeking the services of a good therapist for you

Why do you think involving the police is the best legal advice for our OP?

I agree with the therapist recommendation.

 

[cbg]

http://www.aardvarc.org/

 

[xylene]

I think you need more help than a legal forum can provide if you are talking about killing yourself.

Please call a mental health crisis number or even 911 and get immediate help if you are suicidal.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hello, everyone. My first time here. Hopefully someone can help me.

I had an abusive marriage with a successful, high-functioning psychopath. (Not exaggerating.) He has been smart enough to not physically hurt me, although he sexually exploited me, among other kinds of abuse. He is very manipulative and convincing, so that many people believe that he is a good person in many ways, including a good husband and a good father. For God's sake, he even gives to and has his own charity! Only I know what kind of man he really is behind the mask, although I came to that awareness too late. Under his gaslighting and manipulation, I kept making excuses for him and believing that he was a good man. (Just Wiki "gaslighting.")

During our marriage, the abuse got so bad that I had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for it. During my hospitalization, he continued distorting stories and made nearly everyone he talked with believe that I was �crazy� and a danger to the kids. The unprofessional staff at the hospital were biased by him so they did not listen to my explanation. They made up their minds before they even talked to me, and nothing I said could change their mind. I�ve got records because of it, although CPS did not charge me after investigation.

He continued bullying me with my �records,� which he created. I did not have the resource to fight him, and I didn�t feel that the system would listen to me, so I gave up nearly all my parental rights during the divorce.

The mess did not end there. The divorce did not stop his power game, deception, entitlement, and manipulation. There are many stories, but the immediate crisis is, one of our children is in trouble with the law, so the system is involved. He continues manipulating and causing the system to buy into the false allegations about me, even though HE has been the one responsible for the kids! I haven�t lived with kids for almost 2 years!

I never reported him for domestic violence, and I don�t see how it can work when there has not been evidence and it was not physical. It's only my words against his. And his public image is so positive.

His psychological abuse doesn�t seem to end, and I don�t see how I�m going to fight him after I�ve been officially branded with all the labels. I don�t see how I am going to convince the system to rewrite my story all the way back to years ago and stop bothering me with the false allegations.

How can I ever get out of this hole? I feel so powerless and hopeless that I resent that I didn�t kill myself successfully. Is the law really useless in my situation?

Counseling for yourself is paramount. You may not be able to rewrite the past, it is in your hands how your future chapters read. Good luck.

 

[commentator]

What ages are your children now? What sort of custody arrangements are in place? Do you receive any sort of financial support from this person? Why do you say, exactly that he is continuing to abuse you? The thing about really bad people like this is that they don't just suddenly decide you're different and they'd better not be mean to you any more. As long as you continue to interact with them in any way, they always treat you the same way, and you're vulnerable, much more so than if he hadn't trained you. And if you continue to be hurt and traumatized by things he says about you or the way he talks to you, then you can bet he'll keep saying those things, because they're doing what he wants them to do. You can't sue him enough to make him stop. There's no law that will stop him and make his behavior and personality change.

But working with a good therapist and removing yourself from all contact with him as much as possible under your current circumstances is about the best thing you can do for yourself and your mental health. Read the material suggested about domestic violence. Forget about suing him or dealing with him in any court related situation without an attorney.

I cannot see any sense in trying to press charges against him for emotional and/or verbal abuse and manipulation which took place a while back. Move forward. Your concept of "changing the labels you've been branded with" and "convincing the system to rewrite my story" don't speak well for your own mental stability, you know? That's a sign a person is stuck in the past, too tied up with fixing "how they've been treated!"

Thinking of suicide is misplaced anger and despair, both of which you can get through with good help. You're angry with him, angry with your situation, but want to hurt the only person you feel you have control of, yourself. Don't let him get you to do this! I agree, you need to call and talk with someone immediately if this begins to sound like an option for you.

To be moving forward, you don't have to convince anybody. any system, or rewrite any past history, no matter what this person did to you or said about you. If your child is now in trouble, you just be there for them if that's appropriate. You just move on, give him(your ex) as little contact as possible and show the world and the system that what was put forward by him wasn't true, based on your actions from here on out.