NOT DV but clumsiness -- seriously!

[henbob6]

Last week, she cut herself with a spoon.

You win this thread.

 

[davew128]

And, since it doesn't take any time and doesn't REALLY bother anyone, why not do it?

Except it really DOES bother someone. I shouldn't have to be questioned as to whether I am a DV victim while getting medical treatment for an illness because some low brow idiot is more concerned about votes than anything else.

So, be a man and suck it up.

No, I'm being a man and SPEAKING up. Sorry if that's too much for you.

 

[Zigner]

Except it really DOES bother someone. I shouldn't have to be questioned as to whether I am a DV victim while getting medical treatment for an illness because some low brow idiot is more concerned about votes than anything else.

No, I'm being a man and SPEAKING up. Sorry if that's too much for you.

I hear ya dave - I mean, the extra 4.5 seconds the interaction takes is a real burden, not to mention...how dare they!

 

[CdwJava]

Except it really DOES bother someone. I shouldn't have to be questioned as to whether I am a DV victim while getting medical treatment for an illness because some low brow idiot is more concerned about votes than anything else.

I hate being asked if I have secondary insurance ... but, it takes less time to say, "No," then it does to explain that if I had secondary insurance I'd deal with it myself.

No, I'm being a man and SPEAKING up. Sorry if that's too much for you.

Perhaps you should stop complaining about something that actually benefits some people. Suck it up.

 

[nocontact]

That's all well and fine. But to ask someone who could pass as a middle linebacker for the Patriots in the hospital for a scheduled kidney procedure if he's afraid at home because the law says I have to be asked? Seriously? The patent absurdity of it aside, what POSSIBLE reason is there to ask every single person in a hospital these questions other than to personally offend them?

I just want to point out that DV comes in all shapes and forms. There are plenty of abusers and victims who don't fit the "profile. Victims aren't always small, weak, or uneducated. Abusers aren't always heavyset and mean-looking.

Victims don't report for a variety of reasons, including fear and denial (probably the most obvious) but also embarrassment and pride, because we have been "so stupid" to have found ourselves in this kind of situation.

It might seem like "common sense" to not ask you, but there will be people with similar stature who may be saved because they are asked. Or, on the flip side, because they don't want to offend people "like you," personnel won't ask and people will be lost.

 

[davew128]

I hear ya dave - I mean, the extra 4.5 seconds the interaction takes is a real burden, not to mention...how dare they!

How about the insinuation? If I've got something to say, I'll say it.

 

[xylene]

Deputizing medical services. That's nice.

Good for neither.

Next step (often done): Don't answer our questions or don't asnwer them honestly and your insurance doesn't apply whatever duress or circumstances. .

 

[davew128]

Perhaps you should stop complaining about something that actually benefits some people. Suck it up.

And bothers others. Perhaps people shouldn't be made out to be victims when they're not. As a police officer you know that better than anyone here.

I just want to point out that DV comes in all shapes and forms. There are plenty of abusers and victims who don't fit the "profile. Victims aren't always small, weak, or uneducated. Abusers aren't always heavyset and mean-looking.

Victims don't report for a variety of reasons, including fear and denial (probably the most obvious) but also embarrassment and pride, because we have been "so stupid" to have found ourselves in this kind of situation.

It might seem like "common sense" to not ask you, but there will be people with similar stature who may be saved because they are asked. Or, on the flip side, because they don't want to offend people "like you," personnel won't ask and people will be lost.

Missing. The. Point. It's not about "people like me", its asking anyone having medical work done if they're a DV victim. I'll say it again, common sense goes a long way in this world. If I'm getting a flu shot, I really don't feel like being asked if I'm a victim. Yeah, I can see the correlation between the shot and being abused, or having a kidney stone blasted. Medical professionals, do your job. Leave the detective work to the detectives.

 

[CdwJava]

Well, it's a good place to ask these questions and to start the intervention process. If answering the question bothers a couple of people, too bad. If it helps even one person, the annoyance you feel for a few seconds is more than worth it.

If you do not like being asked the question, change medical providers.

If that question bothers you ... well, do you have high blood pressure??

 

[Just Blue]

That's all well and fine. But to ask someone who could pass as a middle linebacker for the Patriots in the hospital for a scheduled kidney procedure if he's afraid at home because the law says I have to be asked? Seriously? The patent absurdity of it aside, what POSSIBLE reason is there to ask every single person in a hospital these questions other than to personally offend them?

There are "big, bad and strong men who would never THINK to hit back. Who would just take abuse. DV ...girl on boy...is not really reported as much. Men feel ashamed to admin that they were abused by a little girl...Although they were raised to not hit a girl. IDK.

There NEEDS to be a middle place for DV. Perhaps that time is not now.

 

[Just Blue]

Many years ago, I was subjected to ongoing domestic violence. People asked all the time: who hit you, are you safe, etc, etc . . .

My standard response was something along the lines of "I walked into a door" or "I fell down the stairs". I think most of them didn't believe me, but they accepted my reply.

All of them except for one. He knew I was lying. Somehow, he knew the truth. (In all honesty, it was probably pretty obvious.) He pushed me. He made me defend my lies. And when I couldn't defend them, I finally admitted what he knew all along.

He told me how I could get help. He wrote out for me exactly what he wanted me to say to the police and the DA. It was another week or so before I got the courage to actually do it, but I finally left. Had it not been for one virtual stranger refusing to buy my smiling "everything's all right" line of BS, I would likely be dead today. (I'm not exaggerating here: I was beaten with a hammer, for God's sake.)

So, while I get that it can be annoying to be repeatedly asked the same questions, please keep in mind that the people who are doing the asking never know if this ask is the one that's going to make the difference.

I barely knew that guy and never saw him again, so I never had an opportunity to thank him. I've never forgotten his name, though, and I'm going to go look him up right now. Better late than never, huh? Thanks to you all for this thread and reminding me of my outstanding debt.

God Bless you and that "stranger"!!



Send that stranger my thanks as well. There are not enough really caring people in this world.

 

[Just Blue]

As a mandated e-reporter for stair-related accidents, please be advised that I have filed a report with your local authorities (I assume from your name that you live in Tempe, Arizona). Someone from the Department of Gravity will be by shortly and remove you to an (actually) safe house.


PS: Given that my wife is quite possibly the biggest klutz on the planet, this type of story scares the crap out of me. (The laws of physics just do not apply to her. Last week, she cut herself with a spoon).

Sigh...Does your wife also suffer from the same affliction of wizeazzatude that you do? Did you give her her that STD????

Should I, report that?????

Merry Christmas YAG!!!

 

[davew128]

There are "big, bad and strong men who would never THINK to hit back. Who would just take abuse. DV ...girl on boy...is not really reported as much. Men feel ashamed to admin that they were abused by a little girl...Although they were raised to not hit a girl. IDK.

I was raised to think that way. As an adult I know better. I've seen and heard women act like children throwing tantrums, hitting men, and vandalizing men's property because they think as women they can get away with it. Adults should be held accountable for their actions regardless of gender and to go on a slight tangent, race.

There NEEDS to be a middle place for DV. Perhaps that time is not now.

I like to think that police do a fairly good job with it, so long as there isn't a mandated arrest policy in place when theres a call. Having a mandated arrest policy in place simply invites abuse of that policy unless there's clear evidence.

 

[justalayman]

I like to think that police do a fairly good job with it, so long as there isn't a mandated arrest policy in place when theres a call. Having a mandated arrest policy in place simply invites abuse of that policy unless there's clear evidence.

Someday I have a story to tell you that is in direct dispute of that. The finale hasnt been written yet so I don't want to start a story that has no ending yet. You might be amazed at how poor a job some police are doing though.

 

[CdwJava]

Once upon a time law enforcement was given complete discretion on whether to make an arrest in a DV situation or not. This failed miserably. As a result, the laws have now taken away much of the discretion from law enforcement in order to stop the carnage. Much as courts have had their hands' tied over the years with mandatory minimum sentencing and mandatory guidelines, the people of each of our states have decided to remove some discretion from many of the actors within the system. The result might seem draconian at times, but, prior to that there was at least the perception of inequity and unfairness. None of it is perfect, but it is part of the ever evolving ebb and flow of criminal justice theories.