What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois
My exbf/business relationship/friend and I have had a toxic relationship for 2.5 years. Most of abuse stemmed from his verbal and emotional manipulation of me. Last July it turned into physical abuse where he crushed my finger and hit me in the face. I did not press charges because he begged me not to because it would him and he played on my caring for him and wanting us to be able to make our friendship work. I continued helping him with his catering business until last month with my name on his brouchures etc, I have also helped him at times in his business serving customers, and in the past month helped him studied daily in his business for his real estate exam. Since last July, during various arguments things also became physical, many times starting with me pushing him away when he would be in my face or putting his hand over my mouth. One instance I was afraid he was going to hit me and put my left arm up and his arm came down cracking my elbow with his watch. I had a doctor at my work make sure it wasn't fully broken because it so swollen you couldnt see the elbow, black and blue, as well as I couldn't move it or touch it without pain. Again I didnt press charges or get it documented. ANother instance he dragged me on the floor and banged my head and back against the back door of his business leaving bruises on my back. I didnt press charges. Throughout the fights, verbal abuse, I am not innocent in fighting with him, but he would always apologize and not want me to press charges, and we continued. Anytime we argued or fought at his business, it was always in the back away from customers or anyone to hear or see. However this last time, he threatened me getting my license if I reported his abuse and I threatened reporting him to the IDFPR because he was falsely representing himself to customers and business associates that he was already broker (he failed the exam twice at this point). We werent yelling but he called the police and when the officer came I explained but he still asked me to leave, which I did willingly and did not get emotional during this time. My friends and family encouraged me to get an order of protection, but I still didnt want to because of my own fear of retaliation from him, the legalities somehow affecting my career, as well as truly not wanting to hurt him. I had texted him a bunch from the day of the incident (wednesday) until 2 days later (Friday), asking to stop ignoring me and that I wanted my things back (including my spare set of keys from when he lived with me for 2 months july-sept) from his apt and business because I knew he was moving that weekend, as well as to have my name taken off of the catering brochure in order to securely end our interactions. As of that Friday night I stopped texting him or calling him and decided to just forget about it and move on, start repairing the damage he had done to my life. However, the next Friday I received the order of protection he filed the Thursday directly after. He states I abused him physically and verbally, that I came to his business almost everyday for a year causing a scene, that I threatened to call the police and fraudulently report that he abused me, and that I threatened to contact the IDFPR to prevent him from getting his broker's license. Truth is as I mentioned, he was the aggressor in the abuse and it wasn't fraudulent. I was scared for myself to report it or document it, but used the threats of reporting it when I should have to stop his abuse or scare him from abusing me more. I also did threaten to report him to the IDFPR, however he actually was misrepresenting himself and in violation of their regulations. There are customers and business associates that could support this, but to contact them to testify would violate the order considering they work in his business, are customers of his business, or work in his fathers business next door to his (included in the order). There is also not enough time to get them subpoenaed for the court hearing the 20th, plus I do not want this to drag on. In addition, his claim that I was at his business almost everyday for a year making a scene is inaccurate. I was there very frequently working on catering events, helping serve customers when it was busy and he needed it, he was also trying to train me in something so that he could leave me there alone if he had to leave for a real estate showing if he needed to, along with eating meals in the open where customers could see, and helping him study for a month for his broker's exams. I did not make scenes in front of customers, again when we would fight it would be in the back out of their view and he always had music playing so they couldnt hear us. Yes, many times he did ask me to leave and I didnt, but then the fight would end and he would try and make up hugging me or giving affection to smooth it over. I did play into that too, not wanting the drama or tension, so the rest of the day/night would be fine at his business. I believe he did this to further intimidate me and stop me from pressing charges first or report his misdealings.
I can not afford a lawyer and he knows this. I do have documents supporting our consistent work together and time spent with eachother. Along with a long list of witnesses that would discredit his claims, but I will not have at the hearing because as I said before contacting them would violate the order and if I ask for a continuance I risk this dragging out. I only have a few pictures showing bruises he left on my legs, but my mother has seen all of the injuries and had encouraged me to press charges. I do have numerous text messages discussing his past abuse. Those text messages also show his verbal abuse, but also my fighting back often in the same way. Or him saying not to come to his business, even though I still said I would. I have phone records showing the calls back and forth from us.
I went to the domestic violence legal aid office after I had to file the required written appearance, but since Im the respondent and not the plantiff they couldnt help me much. However, one man was going to just explain the proceedings to me, but once he looked at the order papers he said, "I cant help you because I was acutally the person helping the plantiff in this case". I feel so defeated and nervous. I want this dismissed, but I am scared he will have a lawyer and show me up. I dont know what to do, or how to approach this where I win. Any help would be greatly appreciated. My hearing is on March 20th.
My exbf/business relationship/friend and I have had a toxic relationship for 2.5 years. Most of abuse stemmed from his verbal and emotional manipulation of me. Last July it turned into physical abuse where he crushed my finger and hit me in the face. I did not press charges because he begged me not to because it would him and he played on my caring for him and wanting us to be able to make our friendship work. I continued helping him with his catering business until last month with my name on his brouchures etc, I have also helped him at times in his business serving customers, and in the past month helped him studied daily in his business for his real estate exam. Since last July, during various arguments things also became physical, many times starting with me pushing him away when he would be in my face or putting his hand over my mouth. One instance I was afraid he was going to hit me and put my left arm up and his arm came down cracking my elbow with his watch. I had a doctor at my work make sure it wasn't fully broken because it so swollen you couldnt see the elbow, black and blue, as well as I couldn't move it or touch it without pain. Again I didnt press charges or get it documented. ANother instance he dragged me on the floor and banged my head and back against the back door of his business leaving bruises on my back. I didnt press charges. Throughout the fights, verbal abuse, I am not innocent in fighting with him, but he would always apologize and not want me to press charges, and we continued. Anytime we argued or fought at his business, it was always in the back away from customers or anyone to hear or see. However this last time, he threatened me getting my license if I reported his abuse and I threatened reporting him to the IDFPR because he was falsely representing himself to customers and business associates that he was already broker (he failed the exam twice at this point). We werent yelling but he called the police and when the officer came I explained but he still asked me to leave, which I did willingly and did not get emotional during this time. My friends and family encouraged me to get an order of protection, but I still didnt want to because of my own fear of retaliation from him, the legalities somehow affecting my career, as well as truly not wanting to hurt him. I had texted him a bunch from the day of the incident (wednesday) until 2 days later (Friday), asking to stop ignoring me and that I wanted my things back (including my spare set of keys from when he lived with me for 2 months july-sept) from his apt and business because I knew he was moving that weekend, as well as to have my name taken off of the catering brochure in order to securely end our interactions. As of that Friday night I stopped texting him or calling him and decided to just forget about it and move on, start repairing the damage he had done to my life. However, the next Friday I received the order of protection he filed the Thursday directly after. He states I abused him physically and verbally, that I came to his business almost everyday for a year causing a scene, that I threatened to call the police and fraudulently report that he abused me, and that I threatened to contact the IDFPR to prevent him from getting his broker's license. Truth is as I mentioned, he was the aggressor in the abuse and it wasn't fraudulent. I was scared for myself to report it or document it, but used the threats of reporting it when I should have to stop his abuse or scare him from abusing me more. I also did threaten to report him to the IDFPR, however he actually was misrepresenting himself and in violation of their regulations. There are customers and business associates that could support this, but to contact them to testify would violate the order considering they work in his business, are customers of his business, or work in his fathers business next door to his (included in the order). There is also not enough time to get them subpoenaed for the court hearing the 20th, plus I do not want this to drag on. In addition, his claim that I was at his business almost everyday for a year making a scene is inaccurate. I was there very frequently working on catering events, helping serve customers when it was busy and he needed it, he was also trying to train me in something so that he could leave me there alone if he had to leave for a real estate showing if he needed to, along with eating meals in the open where customers could see, and helping him study for a month for his broker's exams. I did not make scenes in front of customers, again when we would fight it would be in the back out of their view and he always had music playing so they couldnt hear us. Yes, many times he did ask me to leave and I didnt, but then the fight would end and he would try and make up hugging me or giving affection to smooth it over. I did play into that too, not wanting the drama or tension, so the rest of the day/night would be fine at his business. I believe he did this to further intimidate me and stop me from pressing charges first or report his misdealings.
I can not afford a lawyer and he knows this. I do have documents supporting our consistent work together and time spent with eachother. Along with a long list of witnesses that would discredit his claims, but I will not have at the hearing because as I said before contacting them would violate the order and if I ask for a continuance I risk this dragging out. I only have a few pictures showing bruises he left on my legs, but my mother has seen all of the injuries and had encouraged me to press charges. I do have numerous text messages discussing his past abuse. Those text messages also show his verbal abuse, but also my fighting back often in the same way. Or him saying not to come to his business, even though I still said I would. I have phone records showing the calls back and forth from us.
I went to the domestic violence legal aid office after I had to file the required written appearance, but since Im the respondent and not the plantiff they couldnt help me much. However, one man was going to just explain the proceedings to me, but once he looked at the order papers he said, "I cant help you because I was acutally the person helping the plantiff in this case". I feel so defeated and nervous. I want this dismissed, but I am scared he will have a lawyer and show me up. I dont know what to do, or how to approach this where I win. Any help would be greatly appreciated. My hearing is on March 20th.
