problems with husband's ex wife

[RLSt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Husband's ex-wife has harrassed me for years-letters in mail, even trying to partially blame me for divorce problems (I met him after divorce), at one time even she came at me in a public arena. We moved out of the area and thought things subsided. At custody pickups-I stayed out of visual and physical range and ensured my children stayed hidden. I have had no contact with her, when custody pickups occured-had police at our house several times due to her erratic behavior, never picked up phone if rang with her number on caller id-just truly tried to steer clear from her. I was served today with a temp. restraining order-in a court over 4 hours away. She's revisiting unfounded allegations made by her during their custody battle over 8 years ago- and is claiming I'm still sending letters to her. I am a stay at home mom who is actively involved in my kid's school and the community-I don't even think about her. I know I need to go to court on that day-but what do I say/do? I don't have copies of any of these 'letters' and in the order she added her kid, and my husband shares custody-what does that mean for him? Will the courts tell him he cant have custody of his son? Or me to leave my house? I'm still in shock by this and any assistance would be truly appreciated

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Husband's ex-wife has harrassed me for years-letters in mail, even trying to partially blame me for divorce problems (I met him after divorce), at one time even she came at me in a public arena. We moved out of the area and thought things subsided. At custody pickups-I stayed out of visual and physical range and ensured my children stayed hidden. I have had no contact with her, when custody pickups occured-had police at our house several times due to her erratic behavior, never picked up phone if rang with her number on caller id-just truly tried to steer clear from her. I was served today with a temp. restraining order-in a court over 4 hours away. She's revisiting unfounded allegations made by her during their custody battle over 8 years ago- and is claiming I'm still sending letters to her. I am a stay at home mom who is actively involved in my kid's school and the community-I don't even think about her. I know I need to go to court on that day-but what do I say/do? I don't have copies of any of these 'letters' and in the order she added her kid, and my husband shares custody-what does that mean for him? Will the courts tell him he cant have custody of his son? Or me to leave my house? I'm still in shock by this and any assistance would be truly appreciated

Well, the burden of proof is on her to prove that you're harassing her.

What were the allegations? Was the matter dealt with in court? If you ever sent her letters, when was the last time?

 

[RLSt]

this is the madness

there were no letters-she literally sent me letters (we had submitted them during the custody hearing). When we alleged and submitted the letters, she 'miraculously' stated we sent her letters/I sent her letters...and a fwe weeks later had 2 or 3 letters, each one neatly typed with no handwriting anywhere. Whatever letters she's claiming now-I have not seen any, nor were any copies attached to the paperwork given-it was just a part handwritten/ part typed claim that I am sending letters to her and now to the child she and my husband share-which I have not.
This is the madness of it all-this is why I am asking-what am I supposed to do? She put their child on the order-so my husband now is trying to figure out if he get his custody weekend this weekend or not, and I'm just the quiet housewife/mom in suburbia-what do I do on that day in court? What happens when I arrive (I have obviously never done this before)? What should be expected?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Again, she'll have to PROVE that YOU sent said letters. Anyone can type a letter and put your address for a return address, etc. The key will be either finger prints, DNA or to prove that it is YOUR signature on it.

I still would recommend an attorney in that county. Have the attorney request that she pay YOUR attorney fees.

 

[RLSt]

Again, she'll have to PROVE that YOU sent said letters. Anyone can type a letter and put your address for a return address, etc. The key will be either finger prints, DNA or to prove that it is YOUR signature on it.

I still would recommend an attorney in that county. Have the attorney request that she pay YOUR attorney fees.

Fingerprints/DNA? Serious? How could she come forward with that or have my DNA?
She's on the papers stating "pro per"/no attny. Sadly, she could show up with one, though. I don't have the $ for an attny, and if I got one and had them request for her to pay fees, but something goes oddly wrong during this and the judge really believes all of this-then I'm truly stuck with the $ burden for something I didn't do.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The attorney would KNOW what she has to prove. There are times where it is best to invest in the attorney NOW, because it will be much more costly later.

 

[Proserpina]

Fingerprints/DNA? Serious? How could she come forward with that or have my DNA?
She's on the papers stating "pro per"/no attny. Sadly, she could show up with one, though. I don't have the $ for an attny, and if I got one and had them request for her to pay fees, but something goes oddly wrong during this and the judge really believes all of this-then I'm truly stuck with the $ burden for something I didn't do.

And you can always appeal....

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Only if the judge made an error in applying the law.

You can't appeal just because you don't like HOW the judge made a ruling.

 

[RLSt]

I don't know what all of this means...this is obviously not my thing...I'm having my husband go through all of his old divorce papers to find the copies of the letters she sent me, hopefully a copy of the temp. restraining order I had taken out on her when she tried to assault me in public, and any other documentation we might still have to show her past behavior against me.
My husband's fear is that she is just trying to stop from having their child visit (she has to pick up at end of visit-so it's a long drive), and trying to do it through this route.
I have some forms attached showing I can submit a 'rebuttal' to what she claims-I plan to fill them out and mail them to the courthouse since I can't personally file it-I was told that is acceptable. I will contact the courthouse tomorrow to make sure-otherwise I'll have to bring it with me and hope the judge will read and understand I'm not local so I didn't have access to the court. This is a woman vs. a woman/ ex wife against current wife-does this happen? I've never heard of such a thing and can't believe a temp. restraining order was granted-very concerned. Plus-what does it mean if by some horrible chance it goes through? Will this affect me with things?

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know what all of this means...this is obviously not my thing...I'm having my husband go through all of his old divorce papers to find the copies of the letters she sent me, hopefully a copy of the temp. restraining order I had taken out on her when she tried to assault me in public, and any other documentation we might still have to show her past behavior against me.
My husband's fear is that she is just trying to stop from having their child visit (she has to pick up at end of visit-so it's a long drive), and trying to do it through this route.
I have some forms attached showing I can submit a 'rebuttal' to what she claims-I plan to fill them out and mail them to the courthouse since I can't personally file it-I was told that is acceptable. I will contact the courthouse tomorrow to make sure-otherwise I'll have to bring it with me and hope the judge will read and understand I'm not local so I didn't have access to the court. This is a woman vs. a woman/ ex wife against current wife-does this happen? I've never heard of such a thing and can't believe a temp. restraining order was granted-very concerned. Plus-what does it mean if by some horrible chance it goes through? Will this affect me with things?

In your rebuttal, don't bring up the past things from years ago. Simply state that you have had no contact of any kind with her for the last XX years. That you have not contacted her, spoken to her or written her any letters.

State that it is your belief that this is a ploy on her part to avoid your husband having visitation with his child, because mom no longer wishes to make the drive to pick up the child at the end of visitation.

However....you really do need an attorney to handle this. Its a winner with an attorney, its much riskier without one.

Stop going with your husband to pick up the child. Don't be there at all.

 

[RLSt]

Thank you for the verbiage-that is important to bring up about how we feel the alterior motive is the custody visits and she's going at it by comng at me.

As a matter of clarification-I have never gone with my husband to pick up his son, nor to any of his son's events. And when his son is visiting-if my husband is not going to be home-he takes his son with him or has had his ex pick up his son early so as not to leave me and our kids alone with him. Visit have been minimal over the past few months due to the boy doing sports-many times, my husband would just drive out there for lunch or dinner over the weekend-so he really hasn't been in our house since end of summer, and for the first time this past weekend which was followed by the papers served.