Questions regarding Protection From abuse Case

[legalhelpME]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maine

To start off i am the DEFENDANT in a protection from abuse case, the order was served onto me by law enforcement only last night, me and my ex just broke it off, and it ended badly (When i say badly i dont mean abusively)

Here is what i am asking straight out

in her temporary request for an order/summons she makes several statements

I am planning on attending the final hearing to combat these statements, no i dont want to get back together with her EVER again, but i also dont want this on my record.

I plan on collecting affidavits (is that the proper form) from people who know me that i am a stable safe person that is not a threat to anyone, she makes several statements that i am unstable, a threat to her and to children.

I will be honest and say i am being treated for mental illness, with the OPERATIVE word as treated, i also plan on getting a statement from my doctor as to my stability.

I dont plan on just letting this order go through lying down, she says i stalked her in the past, not true, she says i had sex with her without permission, well ill be honest this is a grey area, we had been in bed a few times when she was not interested, but she ended up letting me have sex with her, when asked later she stated "i knew you wanted it so i just let you"

As i said before i am curious as to what form i really need to be using and whats the best way to defend myself, i am not hiring a lawyer for this, i will present my case and according to state law she has the burden of proof at trial

if anyone can help me sort some of this out i would be very grateful!

COnfused and hurt in ME

 

[Proserpina]

Affidavits/statements like that cannot be cross-examined and will likely be useless to you.

Your doctor's statement also cannot be cross-examined; you have the same problem.

She doesn't really have to actually prove that you are a physical threat - only that she believes you to be a threat.

 

[legalhelpME]

ok so your saying affidavits are useless, what should i be looking to do then, i am not dissagreeing with the fact our relationship is over, but then again i am no threat to her or to anyone else, and i have people who know that to be true, can you provide some further insight, a lot of what she wrote in that complaint cannot be proven

i appreciate the help!

 

[legalhelpME]

i just spoke with my drs. nurse, she says since my ex seems to think i am being treated for the wrong illness and that i am unstable that she will tell my do he can quit my case LMAO,

but seriously, she is going to ask him to write down the facts in a form letter (your saying that would be useless in my defense though) and i will find out further tommorrow!

 

[Proserpina]

ok so your saying affidavits are useless, what should i be looking to do then, i am not dissagreeing with the fact our relationship is over, but then again i am no threat to her or to anyone else, and i have people who know that to be true, can you provide some further insight, a lot of what she wrote in that complaint cannot be proven

i appreciate the help!

Without police reports etc., these situations are often decided based upon who is the more credible witness.

Does she have any police reports?

Frankly I believe anyone who is accused of DV or abuse high-tail it to an attorney asap; sometimes you can't afford not to do so.

I note with interest the very careful way you phrased that last sentence: "a lot of what she wrote in that complaint cannot be proven".

That could be suggesting that she's telling the truth...but cannot prove it.

See what I mean?

 

[legalhelpME]

yes i do agree thats how it sounds,

I just think that CREDIBLE DOCUMENTATION is not a bad thing to have on ones defense, i am requesting people i know who are DIRECTLY related to this case write these statements, i just dont see how that can be worthless,

example: she says " he has waited 5 hours in my driveway for me to come home from work, then wehn i took off he chased me in his car" the true matter is that i went to her hosue to talk with her one day to work an issue out with her, yes i waited a while for her, yes she spottedm y car abut then drove down a dead end street, once i got to her we sat at the car and talked for hours, we actually ended up getting back in a realtionship the next few nights because of that talk

she says " he has forced me to have sex with him multiple times in the past year" when in true fact i asked her and she wasnt always in the mood, so she would do it anyway alter saying " i did it to make you happy"

these statements contradict her true fear of me hurting her,

do you see where i am coming from, its one thing to be held to this, its another to be looked at as a monster even though i did nothing wrong, once again for the record our realtionship is over yes, but this does not have to go on a court record!

no lawyers going to take my case, i have little money, as for credibility i have never even had a case like this in a maine court, how to determine who is credible

Are you suggesting i dont even show up and just let the order go through?

 

[mistoffolees]

yes i do agree thats how it sounds,

I just think that CREDIBLE DOCUMENTATION is not a bad thing to have on ones defense, i am requesting people i know who are DIRECTLY related to this case write these statements, i just dont see how that can be worthless,

example: she says " he has waited 5 hours in my driveway for me to come home from work, then wehn i took off he chased me in his car" the true matter is that i went to her hosue to talk with her one day to work an issue out with her, yes i waited a while for her, yes she spottedm y car abut then drove down a dead end street, once i got to her we sat at the car and talked for hours, we actually ended up getting back in a realtionship the next few nights because of that talk

she says " he has forced me to have sex with him multiple times in the past year" when in true fact i asked her and she wasnt always in the mood, so she would do it anyway alter saying " i did it to make you happy"

these statements contradict her true fear of me hurting her,

do you see where i am coming from, its one thing to be held to this, its another to be looked at as a monster even though i did nothing wrong, once again for the record our realtionship is over yes, but this does not have to go on a court record!

no lawyers going to take my case, i have little money, as for credibility i have never even had a case like this in a maine court, how to determine who is credible

Are you suggesting i dont even show up and just let the order go through?

No one is suggesting any such thing. In fact, the advice you got was on how you can fight it.

The point that was made is that an affidavit is unlikely to be admitted into court. The rules for admission of evidence are available online. The problem is that when you present an affidavit, it is hearsay - and the other side does not have the ability to cross-examine, so it can not be admitted.

Now, if you have people who are willing to testify TO WHAT THEY SAW, you can bring them in as witnesses. They will only be able to testify as to what they saw. For example, they can not testify "he's really a nice guy" (well, maybe they can, but it will be ignored because it's not relevant).

Look for factual evidence. For example, if she states that you raped her on such and such a date and you have airplane ticket boarding passes showing you were in Timbuktu, that shows that her information is false.

Then, you will question her statements. For example, she says you forced her to have sex with you. Your question would be "did you ever report this to the police?" That gets the judge thinking "if he really did force her, she would have gone to the police, so maybe she's lying".

There's far too much to put into a post like this and it involves learning to dissect the arguments logically and what constitutes real evidence.

As it is, you have 3 choices:

1. Find the money for an attorney.

2. Try to defend yourself. Frankly, it may not be a big deal to have an order telling you to stay away from her, but it would be on your record and could lead to a problem later.

3. Ask her attorney if it would be acceptable for you to sign a voluntary agreement not to contact her.

 

[legalhelpME]

Ok well that was some good advice, so I understand that I cannot use affidavits though she wrote one, but I guess since she wrote it can be cross examined

I don’t really want to hire a lawyer, I work with children in the winter at a resort, however they don’t have to know about this, she has NO LAWYER, maybe I need to be thinking on how to pull out her statements myself

I cannot get people to testify to what happened the other night since NO ONE was there, it was me and her in that apartment, when she called the cops I took off, she told them I was going to kill myself, so I took off and walked all night to clear my head, I returned the next day to get my keys so I could leave, I finally did leave when she showed back up with my father, she gave me the keys and I left with him

so my doctor who is a credible source cannot tell the court that I am a stable person, seems really strange, if anyone would be interested in helping me form a defense or in the very least look at her statement, I can pm that to someone, like you said, she "claims" I forced her to have sex, where are the bruises, the police reports, the hospital reports, that right there are none, she only told me a few weeks later she was bothered by it, and that she only did it to please me!

ok I’m done, I don’t want this on my record, I had considered filing a motion to have it struck down , but I am still not sure if I want to do that,

 

[Proserpina]

Ok well that was some good advice, so I understand that I cannot use affidavits though she wrote one, but I guess since she wrote it can be cross examined

I don’t really want to hire a lawyer, I work with children in the winter at a resort, however they don’t have to know about this, she has NO LAWYER, maybe I need to be thinking on how to pull out her statements myself

I cannot get people to testify to what happened the other night since NO ONE was there, it was me and her in that apartment, when she called the cops I took off, she told them I was going to kill myself, so I took off and walked all night to clear my head, I returned the next day to get my keys so I could leave, I finally did leave when she showed back up with my father, she gave me the keys and I left with him

so my doctor who is a credible source cannot tell the court that I am a stable person, seems really strange, if anyone would be interested in helping me form a defense or in the very least look at her statement, I can pm that to someone, like you said, she "claims" I forced her to have sex, where are the bruises, the police reports, the hospital reports, that right there are none, she only told me a few weeks later she was bothered by it, and that she only did it to please me!

ok I’m done, I don’t want this on my record, I had considered filing a motion to have it struck down , but I am still not sure if I want to do that,

Dude, seriously - you need an attorney.

IF you can get your doctor to testify, all he can say is that you're clinically stable. He cannot predict what you will or won't do in the future - you've got to understand that.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don’t really want to hire a lawyer, I work with children in the winter at a resort, however they don’t have to know about this,

You might want to think this through. I don't know what type of job you have with children, but many jobs have background checks which might uncover a PFA if it is enacted. So losing this case might cost you your job.

I would suggest at least an initial consultation with an attorney. It won't cost much and might not cost anything.

 

[legalhelpME]

oh just one other thing, she says she wants an order for me to stay away from her, yet if she is so fearful why in the end of her statement is she saying that if such an order is granted she wants to still be able to have contact with TWO people who live less than 3 trailers from me in the same park where I reside.

One of these people is a dear friend to MY family, he is an older man who we are all good friends with, and she wouldn’t know this person existed if she hadn’t met me

The other is a minor child who we sometimes take on events when we hang out together, once again someone she would never know if it hadn’t been for her relationship with me.

If she is so scared f me and for her safety being near me why would she want to come back here at all?

 

[Proserpina]

oh just one other thing, she says she wants an order for me to stay away from her, yet if she is so fearful why in the end of her statement is she saying that if such an order is granted she wants to still be able to have contact with TWO people who live less than 3 trailers from me in the same park where I reside.

One of these people is a dear friend to MY family, he is an older man who we are all good friends with, and she wouldn’t know this person existed if she hadn’t met me

The other is a minor child who we sometimes take on events when we hang out together, once again someone she would never know if it hadn’t been for her relationship with me.

If she is so scared f me and for her safety being near me why would she want to come back here at all?

Because she has every right in the world to see friends and/or relatives, even if they live close to you, without being in fear or feeling threatened. It doesn't matter how she met them!

Come on - you're not being rational now, and you've got to FOCUS!

 

[legalhelpME]

yeah your right, the woman usually does win in these matters anyway even if she is lying, might as well let the order just go through as permanent, save my gas and headaches right, i was definetely born the wrong sex,

lol

 

[mistoffolees]

yeah your right, the woman usually does win in these matters anyway even if she is lying,

Since when?

She has the burden of proof. That means she has to provide believable evidence that you are a danger to her. If there's no evidence on either side, she loses.

 

[legalhelpME]

FYI: i AM going to fight this, i am not going to lie down while this goes through, i may lose the case but i will retain my dignity, and i will PICK APART her statement on the stand if i have to!

I guess all i wanted from here was some ideas on how to do that,