Regarding Domestic Vilence and State to State Terror, cyberstalking and phone threats

[phoenixwingz]

Regarding Domestic VIOLENCE/ State to State Terror, cyberstalking and phone threats

What is the name of your state? CA
Hi
I am California, the father of my 4 yr old is an abuser, he has been arrested for DV and has an open case for criminal threats, this has not stopped him from continuing to harass and threaten my life and the lives of my family member's he has even threatened our daughter when it suits him-yet he is obsessive with her too and has some kind of emotional incest thing for her-in fact none of his behaviors and thought patterns seem rational or sane. He has a personality disorder (Pathological Narcissism) for whichthere is no cure...and words are often to weak to define the fear I have of his behaviors. The "LAW" in (2) states has done very little to help and I have been referred to as a delusional drama queen. I have been told that I suffer from battered woman's syndrome and at this point I am afraid of him more than ever. In all these years I have never been able to just break it off like a normal break up because the actual breaking up is dangerous...On a recent trip to get my daughter from him in TX he beat me nearly beyond recognition and imprisoned me in the house with physical intimidation and mental torment, but i managed to leave with my daughter in March, during the time i was there he abused me several times and was observed by our daughter while saying 'say goodbye to Mommy" (who has seen it many times before)and his 2 adult brothers did nothing to stop him. I now have the courage to fight back and dont know what to do. Over the nearly 8 years we have known one another, he has beaten me unconsious many times, I have suffered broken bones, lacerations, he has raped me twice, locked me in more times that I can count and some of this even occured in front of my children and his daughter. When my daughter was in TX with him he threatened that if I did not marry him he would take her away forever and when i said I would call the police he would kill her. So I went to get her myself.
There have been many witnesses to the abuse and I have pictures and even recieved taped messages of threats on my voicemail including an "apologetic" confession to many of these crimes including the rape. But no cop even wants to hear it, i have been to the sheriff, the LAPD, and the Houston PD...who wont even take a crime report... What do I do with all this? The law enforcenment professionals seem unintrested in helping me and are condesending and even entertained because I seem paranoid...i am fighting for my life. He calls me and my family members all day and night, has threated the lives of my parents, and claims if I dont concede to return him, it will be worse; ie my kids. He even makes false reports to the sheriff about my parents who are elderly, but the police don't listen. My restraining order means nothing because he has me followed by friends and girlfriends that I cannot recognize because I dont know them but he always knows what I am wearing and where I am going, even the times I return. I have become afraid to leave the house and this can't be right. I have turned to the resources available in my area and there are pretty bogus. I am beginning to feel like I am crazy. I dont have the financial resources to hire a fancy attorney so what do I do? I feel like I am going to end up in a trunk at the bottom of a river or find one of my kids hurt or worse, the harassment and threats are constant ad unrelenting, i can't even believe he has the time for it, but it is stealing my life and my kids, i have relocated them away from me to keep them safe. I have a restraining order but it is a joke at this point.
this cannot be okay. please help with some advice that is really effective.
also I have a traffic warrant for a missed court date while I was being held against my will, in fact in all the years he has been around, he was so jealous he would not let me go too many places and often used things like that against me to hold over my head, and i am afraid that if I go to jail he will get custody of our daughter...and also because he becomes desperate when he cannot access me so if I were to go away...even to jail...he would see it a s a betrayal and attack my loved ones....please help with some advice.
BYRD IN THE HEARTSHAPED CAGE

 

[SP103]

Ok. First off, you need to change your phone number to an undisclosed number. Second, you need to just pick up and MOVE ASAP.
Since I'm unclear of what state your in (Tx or CA), here is the national Domestic Abuse hotline website. http://www.ndvh.org/ 800-799-SAFE

Please, for your safety, get as far away from him as possible with NO CONTACT whatsover. DO NOT CONTACT HIM EVER. Most abusers "get off" on their victims "feeling they need them". The above National Crisis number will assist you financially in legal representation if they qualify you.

I cannot repeat this enough. DO NOT CONTACT HIM, and you need to disappear of the radar even if it costs you child support or anything else FOR YOU SAFETY.

I find some parts of your story very questionable, but if it truthfully is this bad please contact the Domestic Abuse people ASAP!

 

[phoenixwingz]

Thanks for ur reply

I can see why u say that...it has been the thing that kept me thinking I was the crazy one. Often no one believes a human can be so awful to another one til it ends up on the news. Even my closest friends and family have a hard time believing the cruelty and wonder why I "put Up" with it. but when there is an obsession it is not a matter of "if" he will hurt me...just when. So many victims go thru the credibility issue for so long it is too late to save them.
I have contacted the hotline. Thank You

 

[SP103]

I am so glad to read you contacted them.
Best of luck in the future, and stay safe.
If you have any legal questions, there are many members on this board (Not me, I'm not a lawyer but) that will help you with further questions.
Please post any follow-ups of how your situation is improving if possible.

 

[Ohiogal]

Don't listen to SP103. If you do that you may run into more issues considering dad has a relationship with child. Are there any court orders for visitation?

 

[SP103]

Don't listen to SP103. If you do that you may run into more issues considering dad has a relationship with child. Are there any court orders for visitation?

I'm going to have say let the court come after her IF there is custody battle if there is a violation of the child visitation rights. Ohiogal, don't you consider SAFETY over minor legal infractions at ANY point?

You have done the right thing phoenix.

This is the same advice I would give anyone whom called my hotline number as policy dictates. I Hope the National number has directed you to a local battered women's shelter for your protection and provided you legal aide as well as housing and food, I am sure they have. Please remember to remain as ANONYMOUS as possible, posting here can be found with a google search. Never post any specifics on ANY of these types of forums (such as your name, phone number etc). I'm sure the local rep has spoken to you about safety and securit measures..

Hey Ohiogal, if my advice is so poor, why is all my advice backed by the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their planning and safety page located HERE:

http://ndvh.org/help/planning.html#4

Best of luck Phoenix, I would love to hear how you are making along if you are still reading these forums.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm going to have say let the court come after her IF there is custody battle if there is a violation of the child visitation rights. Ohiogal, don't you consider SAFETY over minor legal infractions at ANY point?

You have done the right thing phoenix.

This is the same advice I would give anyone whom called my hotline number as policy dictates. I Hope the National number has directed you to a local battered women's shelter for your protection and provided you legal aide as well as housing and food, I am sure they have. Please remember to remain as ANONYMOUS as possible, posting here can be found with a google search. Never post any specifics on ANY of these types of forums (such as your name, phone number etc). I'm sure the local rep has spoken to you about safety and securit measures..

Hey Ohiogal, if my advice is so poor, why is all my advice backed by the National Domestic Violence Hotline on their planning and safety page located HERE:

http://ndvh.org/help/planning.html#4

Best of luck Phoenix, I would love to hear how you are making along if you are still reading these forums.

Violating the custody order and hiding the child from Dad can lead to a loss of custody and even criminal contempt. How is that "safe" for the child? Do you warn the victims that call you of this? I work with DV Victims. If you are advising woman to withhold the child and hide without warning them of the consequences you are acting irresponsibly. There are ways to be safe without breaking the law.

 

[LdiJ]

One thing that I would definitely recommend if she ever has to pick up the child from dad again, is that she ask for a police escort for the pickup.

However, if he beat her and imprisioned her at the last pickup, I really don't understand why she didn't call the cops then. Although maybe she did. She did say that he had been arrested for DV.

 

[SP103]

Violating the custody order and hiding the child from Dad can lead to a loss of custody and even criminal contempt. How is that "safe" for the child? Do you warn the victims that call you of this? I work with DV Victims. If you are advising woman to withhold the child and hide without warning them of the consequences you are acting irresponsibly. There are ways to be safe without breaking the law.

Yes I do warn them of this, as a precautionary measure. However, none of the cases I have been involved with has had the DA or ADA charge the mother with any criminal attempt when a on-going Domestic Case was involved. In RARE instances the father can make a kidnapping claim, but thats only if the mother doesn't have full custody. The father can go to court and request child visitation but under supervised care. If you work with DV victims, you know how this cycle doesn't end until the victim finally has had enough and moves on.

Whats more important: The lives of the children and the mother, or the court document. It's hard to fight a criminal contempt charge because you're dead. I have heard countless times from victims that the abuser said "This protective/restraining order is just a piece a paper saying I killed you when they find your body".

We are arguing a moot point as the OP did not state there are any child visitation orders in place. Even there was, I would have to assume it would be SUPERVISED. I hope Phoenix replies again to update us.