Removing a restraining order

[lilmisskrys]

I'm in Washington state.

OK, here goes. I got a restraining order against my boyfriend (toddler son's dad) about 10 months ago because of a statement he made over the phone. Out of anger i told him that he's a waste of space and he should kill himself and he said out of anger that, "Fine, I will come to your door and do it in front of you!". That freaked me out so I got the order (he lives in the next state 3 hrs away). He has put his hands on me once before but we never went to court or anything for it and he has since been in anger management. The order comes off in 2 months. Well, since those 10 months, me and my son's father have been talking, seeing each other and having a relationship. Such a relationship that my son and I are going to move in with him. Since I got the order I have gotten a parenting plan established and full custody. My boyfriend was a loser at the time, and wasn't paying child support or anything but now he gives me money for our son and is a great guy.

Well, I put in a petition to vacate(remove) the order and I have to go to court and tell the judge why. I was going to tell them that I have heard from friends and family that he has really gotten his act together and I no longer feel that he is a threat to me and explain that out of the heat of the moment we both said things we shouldn't mean. Since, of course I can't just tell the judge that we have reconciled-right?

My mom brought it to my attention that they might see me taking the order off as putting myself and possibly my son in danger and order CPS to take my son! Is that true? Now I'm really worried and don't want to take the order off. But I plan on moving in with him next week and don't think it makes sense to move in with him if the restraining order is still in effect.

Also, if a judge denies an order, do they sign something that says they refused to lift the order, or do they just send you on your way?

 

[mistoffolees]

First, don't lie in court.

Second, you really need to get your own act together. Either:
a. You obtained a fraudulent restraining order when there was no danger
or
b. There WAS danger and you are putting yourself and your child in danger.

Meanwhile, you're violating a clear court order.

I would suggest that you leave the order in place and stop seeing him until the order has expired. And then move very slowly before moving in with him. And talk to someone at a domestic violence shelter so you know what domestic violence is all about before you do ANYTHING again (either filing for restraining orders or ignoring restraining orders).

 

[Proserpina]

...and OP, google "failure to protect".


Your Mom has a valid point, although how likely any removal would be depends on a several factors.

 

[lilmisskrys]

Thanks

Well, to the first answer...i know it sounds messed up right? Well, he didn't ever get in trouble for any domestic violence, and he never got charged with anything. I got granted the order basically on hearsay, my word against his. We reconciled about 8 months ago and moving in with him is not sudden. We just know it would be dumb to move in together with that order!


To the second answer, yes, i understand the order may not be granted, in that case guess we will just have to wait. Our son was never in danger, and has never been around if me and my boyfriend have argued, which is seldom.....I feel like it's best to remove the order if we are talking and being together. I just don't want them to think I'm an unfit mother. I understand women who are seriously battered remove restraining orders all the time and get to keep their kids too...

 

[CourtClerk]

Well, why not go into court and tell the court that although you made a statement under the penalty of perjury, you weren't truthful.

It always saddens me when such immature people have other innocent lives they get to play with.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand women who are seriously battered remove restraining orders all the time and get to keep their kids too...

Do you know how many battered women LOSE their kids after returning to their abuser?

Do you know how many battered women don't lose their kids...but simply end up DEAD?



You're being ENTIRELY too cavalier about this.

 

[lilmisskrys]

I didn't lie about anything when i got the order....

 

[mistoffolees]

I didn't lie about anything when i got the order....

OK, then it's option (b). You're putting yourself and the child in harm's way. Which could be grounds for losing your child to state custody.

 

[lilmisskrys]

Well, it was an argument over the phone...not like I got battered and the cops were called out. I just said that he threatened to come kill himself and that worried me because what if he killed me too (even though he didn't say anything like that). So, you think the judge will think I'm putting us in danger and take my son away?

 

[Isis1]

Oh wonderful. Wait til he batters you.

 

[Proserpina]

Well, it was an argument over the phone...not like I got battered and the cops were called out. I just said that he threatened to come kill himself and that worried me because what if he killed me too (even though he didn't say anything like that). So, you think the judge will think I'm putting us in danger and take my son away?

And you can't see what's really, really, really wrong with this picture?

 

[lilmisskrys]

I just know that people say stupid things in the heat of the moment. I'm guilty of it myself...But thanks for all the answers anyway.

 

[CourtClerk]

Oh wonderful. Wait til he batters you.

Too late... (post #1)

He has put his hands on me once

 

[lilmisskrys]

OK, guys....So I already made the date to take the order off. So, you guys have helped me change my mind Do you know if I need to go cancel the court date? Will they let me do that, or should I just go in and talk to the judge and say that I really don't want to take it off on second thought?

 

[mistoffolees]

Well, it was an argument over the phone...not like I got battered and the cops were called out.

So then you WERE lying when you got the restraining order?

Oh, wait. You said that he DID hit you. Hm.....

I just said that he threatened to come kill himself and that worried me because what if he killed me too (even though he didn't say anything like that). So, you think the judge will think I'm putting us in danger and take my son away?

Could happen.

Just call the court clerk and tell them you'd like to withdraw your newest hearing - and ask them how to go about it.