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  1. #1
    Reqless607 is offline Junior Member
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    Restraining order against my fiances ex wife??

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CO, MO
    Ive been dating my now fiance for 5 years. He hasnt been with his ex wife for 7 years, however she quite obviously suffers from untreated mental/emotional issues. I was told to just ignore her, which I try to do. But even after 5 years of attempting the best I can to ignore, I get constant internet harrassement. Its especially annoying because shes 35 yrs old with 4 kids (not all my fiances) and Im 26
    Last year I called the cops in her state after she repeatedly wrote things about "beating my *** and me being surprised what she could get away with on private property", when we were going to pick up my fiances kids to go on vacation....They went and wrote her a warning for harrassement as I wasnt the first person to call the cops on her for this.
    It has continued off and on, now we had to block all 3 of her numbers on our phones because she was text harrassing my fiance like you wouldnt believe and then turned to my phone when we blocked her on his.
    She seems to go through periods of leaving us alone and then starting again like shes doing now....Her and her boyfriend are coming to my state for something and shes now making comments 1 right after another saying stuff like, "Ill make you back up your ****" "wow 95 cents to find out a recent address" "wonder if its worth going through (my town) on the way to where they are going" My town is 3,000 people and 6 hours away from where they are going. She also knows she doesnt have a reason to come to my home town as she wont have the kids and my fiance is far away working. I wouldnt put it past her to come to my town just to stalk me and now Im worried shes gonna do something violent and stupid
    And now saying its funny my grandmas dead (she raised me) and my parents dont love me.....
    I have proof of everything she says, screen shots, texts, Im sure I could get something from the cops that I talked to last year....I also have proof I say very little to her....this time it was brought on I think because she learned we are getting married soon

    Would this warrant some sort of restraining order or anything? And if it does could I get it in my state of CO and not hers of MO?? I know she doesnt live near me but in our situation I have to often go with my fiance to get the kids and I mainly dont want her to do something stupid and get away with it.
    Im not trying to be petty, she says lots of other things that are just catty but its when she starts threatening to come somewhere she doesnt need to be and threatening violence that bothers me because I know shes trying to intimidate me and it kinda works.....
    I know its driven by jealously ect but I was hoping it would end now 5 years later, I just honestly want our lives to be peaceful without all the threats
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    You know, I have a really quick simple question.

    Why haven't you blocked her number and her social networking antics?

    And is there a reason why you must accompany your fiance when he gets his kids?
  3. #3
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    You know, I have a really quick simple question.

    Why haven't you blocked her number and her social networking antics?

    And is there a reason why you must accompany your fiance when he gets his kids?
    That's where I'd start. Block her number. Block her Facebook ID. And when she does manage to get through, just ignore her.

    That is based on the fact that it doesn't appear that she's a real danger. Sounds like all noise and no action. HOWEVER, if you really are concerned about violence, then you can certainly go down to the courthouse and ask for a restraining order. Dozens of threats of physical violence should be sufficient.

    Note, however, that a restraining order may not do you much good. If she's that crazy, she may just ignore a restraining order. Watch out for your personal safety - take a personal safety and/or self-defense course and try to avoid going anywhere alone during the time she might be in town.
  4. #4
    Reqless607 is offline Junior Member
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    thanks for some advice...we have both blocked her online and cellphones 3 months ago but she keeps finding ways....I have to go with him mainly because its my vehicle and it is a 1600 mile drive since she took off with the kids and we normally go from there and go on vacation...basically its not pratical to not go with him or be left some random place to sit in a place Im not familiar with....I shouldnt have to inconvience myself, she doesnt have to like me but shouldnt be allowed to be a physco
  5. #5
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reqless607 View Post
    thanks for some advice...we have both blocked her online and cellphones 3 months ago but she keeps finding ways....I have to go with him mainly because its my vehicle and it is a 1600 mile drive since she took off with the kids and we normally go from there and go on vacation...basically its not pratical to not go with him or be left some random place to sit in a place Im not familiar with....I shouldnt have to inconvience myself, she doesnt have to like me but shouldnt be allowed to be a physco


    Come on now. Your presence is evidently not helping the situation.
  6. #6
    Reqless607 is offline Junior Member
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    Im well aware that me being there bugs her and I never went with him until she moved 1600 miles away and I have yet to get out the car ever. I have never uttered a word to her or done anything that would remotely warrant her actions. But, her jealously should not excuse her behavior of violent threats towards both me and my fiance
  7. #7
    CdwJava is offline Senior Member
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    But, if your presence in the car exacerbates the problem, why no wait at the library, a park, at a restaurant, or somewhere nearby that he can pick you up at? Why tempt fate?

    Enforcing restraining orders across state lines is nearly impossible. You can seek such an order if you wish, but understand that not all states will allow restraining orders for harassment. And, it would be hard to argue a real physical threat from someone half way across the country.

    It sucks, but maybe you can do things to just de-escalate matters and ignore her. Think of it this way, if you ignore her and just do not respond or ever see her (and give her a reason to call you whatever she calls you), then she will get really pissed! You can really yank her chain by just allowing her to pound aimlessly at the wind without response.
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

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    And a croissant!"

    Seek justice,
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  8. #8
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    That's where I'd start. Block her number. Block her Facebook ID. And when she does manage to get through, just ignore her.

    That is based on the fact that it doesn't appear that she's a real danger. Sounds like all noise and no action. HOWEVER, if you really are concerned about violence, then you can certainly go down to the courthouse and ask for a restraining order. Dozens of threats of physical violence should be sufficient.

    Note, however, that a restraining order may not do you much good. If she's that crazy, she may just ignore a restraining order. Watch out for your personal safety - take a personal safety and/or self-defense course and try to avoid going anywhere alone during the time she might be in town.
    A CPO normally requires that it be a domestic violence situation which this is not. She would have to press criminal charges for harrassment and ask within that criminal case that a restraining order be placed.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  9. #9
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reqless607 View Post
    thanks for some advice...we have both blocked her online and cellphones 3 months ago but she keeps finding ways....I have to go with him mainly because its my vehicle and it is a 1600 mile drive since she took off with the kids and we normally go from there and go on vacation...basically its not pratical to not go with him or be left some random place to sit in a place Im not familiar with....I shouldnt have to inconvience myself, she doesnt have to like me but shouldnt be allowed to be a physco
    So hanging out with a cup of coffee (or whatever) for 30 minutes is SUCH a huge inconvenience? Really? That's just.... stupid. Sorry! After a 1600 mile drive, I'd welcome the chance to stretch my legs, use the restroom, get some caffeine or an illicit snack into me. Too bad your inconvenience is more important than keeping things calm for the kids.
  10. #10
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    So hanging out with a cup of coffee (or whatever) for 30 minutes is SUCH a huge inconvenience? Really? That's just.... stupid. Sorry! After a 1600 mile drive, I'd welcome the chance to stretch my legs, use the restroom, get some caffeine or an illicit snack into me. Too bad your inconvenience is more important than keeping things calm for the kids.
    This is the same thought I had.

    So you and BF have been driving for-freaking-evah(!) and now you are in the same town as nutcase lady. You really do not need to be there since you know your presence is provoking.

    Why not have BF drop you at a restaurant or park, and give you a bit of a break and then come and join you for a meal or a nice walk before continuing on to your vacation destination?
  11. #11
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CSO286 View Post
    Why not have BF drop you at a restaurant or park, and give you a bit of a break and then come and join you for a meal or a nice walk before continuing on to your vacation destination?
    Or... at a local supermarket to pick up stuff for a picnic? Dad could then pick you up after getting the kids, and y'all could go have some fun time before hitting the road again.

    Really, OP - think outside the box. Do you want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    Or... at a local supermarket to pick up stuff for a picnic? Dad could then pick you up after getting the kids, and y'all could go have some fun time before hitting the road again.

    Really, OP - think outside the box. Do you want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?
    Apparently part of the problem because it is more fun to try to tell everyone how horrible the ex wife is when she knows she could limit contact in a heartbeat. Oh and remind the ex that she was traded in for a younger model who has a bigger engagement ring. La ti da da.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  13. #13
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2 View Post
    or... at a local supermarket to pick up stuff for a picnic? Dad could then pick you up after getting the kids, and y'all could go have some fun time before hitting the road again.

    really, op - think outside the box. Do you want to be part of the problem, or part of the solution?


    really good idea!!
    Last edited by CSO286; 05-02-2011 at 09:57 AM.

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