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  1. #1
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    Restraining order dilema....

    I am 23 years old and I live in Oregon. This is a VERY long story, so I will just make it as short as possible. My girlfriend had me arrested and also filed a restraining order against me. I had been with her for 3 years and never once in that time had I hurt her or threatened her. I would never lay a hand on her, but she claimes that she felt "unsafe" that night and still feels unsafe around me. All that happened is we had gotten into an arguement and she wanted to leave instead of discuss. I basically stood in the doorway trying to get her to calm down because I really just wanted to work everything out. That's the extent of what happened.

    I already had my hearing which they no complainted and dissmissed the the case. Going by this, I am assuming that they too feel that I did nothing to warrant the arrest OR the restraining order. I now want to have the restraining order dropped because I do not want that on my record for the next year.

    What can I do here? What kind of chance do I have to get this thing dropped? If after 3 years of being together she really wants nothing to do with me, that's fine. I can accept that and move on. But I do not want this restraining order against me.

    So any help here would be great. I know that I can contest it, but I also want to know that before I go through all the motions I actually have a chance of having it lifted. I'd greatly appreciate any advice!
  2. #2
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    In my state you cannot have a restraining order dismissed, once issued, unless both parties agree to having it dismissed.

    It's possible you're misunderstanding how it actually works though. What do you mean by 'on your record'?
  3. #3
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    When the police officer served me the restraining order, he said I have 30 days to contest it because 9 times out of 10 a judge will issue one just in case. The judge doesn't have all the facts, only what SHE is telling them. So I can contest it and have both parties present so that the judge can hear both sides and then make a final judgement on it.

    I may be misunderstanding how it all works, I just don't want to have this show up if say I apply for a different job, or a rent a house. If in anyway it can affect me and my future, I don't want it against me. I don't want to have to leave the store if she is also there. I don't want to have to leave a movie theater if she too chooses to show up. I don't want her to have that power over me and be able to get me into anymore trouble. All I have ever done is this love lady so I don't have any clue what is going on with her. All I know is that she isn't the same girl I fell in love with years ago and I don't really want to have anything to do with her either. It doesn't change the fact that she still has a restraining order against me and can still get me into trouble with the police if our paths cross.
  4. #4
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RNK23 View Post
    When the police officer served me the restraining order, he said I have 30 days to contest it because 9 times out of 10 a judge will issue one just in case. The judge doesn't have all the facts, only what SHE is telling them. So I can contest it and have both parties present so that the judge can hear both sides and then make a final judgement on it.

    I may be misunderstanding how it all works, I just don't want to have this show up if say I apply for a different job, or a rent a house. If in anyway it can affect me and my future, I don't want it against me. I don't want to have to leave the store if she is also there. I don't want to have to leave a movie theater if she too chooses to show up. I don't want her to have that power over me and be able to get me into anymore trouble. All I have ever done is this love lady so I don't have any clue what is going on with her. All I know is that she isn't the same girl I fell in love with years ago and I don't really want to have anything to do with her either. It doesn't change the fact that she still has a restraining order against me and can still get me into trouble with the police if our paths cross.
    You're definitely misunderstanding how this works.

    Read the restraining order you were served with. Then post here EXACTLY what the restraints actually are.

    For instance... the one my ex has against me says:

    The court herby orders:
    That the above named respondent be restrained from committing further acts of abuse or threats of abuse.
    That the above named respondent be restrained from any contact with the petitioner.
    Additional terms of this order are as set forth below.
    The terms of this order shall be effective until October 10, 2007.
    Respondent shall not abuse, threaten to abuse, molest, stalk or disturb the peace of Petitioner wherever Petitioner may be found.
    Respondent shall not use, attempt to use, ot threaten to use physical force against Petitioner that would reasonably be expected to cause bodily injury and shall not stalk, abuse, threaten to abuse, molest or distrub the peace of Petitioner.
    Respondent shall not cummunicate with Petitioner in any manner or through any medium except regarding the minor children.
    Respondent shall not enter or stay upon the premises of wherever the Petitioner may reside.
    That's it.

    And I'm willing to bet yours is similar.

    And an RO w/out a conviction of DV isn't going to negatively impact housing or employment.
  5. #5
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    I don't have it with me right now, but I know that it says I cannot call, text, e-mail, have any physical contact or any 3rd party contact with her at all. I cannot be within 100 yards of her residence, work, or anywhere that she may be. If we are both ar a store, even if I was there first, I have to leave immediately without having any contact.

    This just seems like something that if I can have it removed, I probably should do so just to make sure that it has no other effect on me. The charge they had for me was harassment, which was dropped. Now I just want to be done with the whole thing, including this restraining order.
  6. #6
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RNK23 View Post
    I don't have it with me right now, but I know that it says I cannot call, text, e-mail, have any physical contact or any 3rd party contact with her at all. I cannot be within 100 yards of her residence, work, or anywhere that she may be. If we are both ar a store, even if I was there first, I have to leave immediately without having any contact.
    That's not entirely true.

    You don't have to leave. You have to restrain yourself from contacting her. That means that you don't talk to her. You don't walk down the same aisle in the grocery store or get in the same line at Target. If she sits down next to you in the movie theater, get up and move.

    You're not going to be able to get it dropped.
  7. #7
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    So you don't feel that there is any way I can get this dropped? I just don't see how they can uphold it when I literally have done nothing wrong to have it put on me. They had absolutely no case against me and determined that I did nothing wrong. Hell, the restrainig order they gave me was supposed to have her new number and address of where she was staying withheld, but it was still on the order. Yet I have not contacted her or attempted to contact her. Why would they keep it against me when it is completely uneccessary?
  8. #8
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RNK23 View Post
    So you don't feel that there is any way I can get this dropped? I just don't see how they can uphold it when I literally have done nothing wrong to have it put on me. They had absolutely no case against me and determined that I did nothing wrong. Hell, the restrainig order they gave me was supposed to have her new number and address of where she was staying withheld, but it was still on the order. Yet I have not contacted her or attempted to contact her. Why would they keep it against me when it is completely uneccessary?
    The 2 against me (my ex-husband and his wife) were done w/out evidence as well. The judge said (and I can see his point) "I always grant restraining orders. I see it as a win-win situation because no one is hurt by them, they're easy to follow, and the second I DON'T grant one, someone might get hurt or worse."

    And honestly? I will swear to you that the past year that the orders have been in effect has been the most peaceful year of my life. Really. NO contact with the psycho stepmom AT. ALL. Very limited contact with my ex-husband... awesome.

    There's a hearing Tuesday to have them renewed and I'm going to be there, asking the judge to PLEASE renew them. Really.
  9. #9
    Ozark_Sophist is offline Senior Member
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    Sounds as though OP has only been served with the ex parte order.

    OP have you had a hearing on the restraining order itself?
  10. #10
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    I have not had a hearing for the restraining order itself. That is kinda the purpose for this thread. I have 30 days from when I was served to request a hearing for removal, at which point a hearing will be scheduled.
  11. #11
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RNK23 View Post
    I have not had a hearing for the restraining order itself. That is kinda the purpose for this thread. I have 30 days from when I was served to request a hearing for removal, at which point a hearing will be scheduled.
    Then you request a hearing for removal.

    You'll be able to present your case, she'll present hers. You'll both be under oath.

    She'll say that you were arguing, and when she tried to leave, you blocked her exit. You'll agree that you did, in fact, prevent her from leaving the apartment.

    There's a 99.9999% likelyhood that the judge will grant the order because holding someone against their will, or preventing them from doing something/going somewhere that they can lawfully chose to do/go is against the law.
  12. #12
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    Then you request a hearing for removal.

    You'll be able to present your case, she'll present hers. You'll both be under oath.

    She'll say that you were arguing, and when she tried to leave, you blocked her exit. You'll agree that you did, in fact, prevent her from leaving the apartment.

    There's a 99.9999% likelyhood that the judge will grant the order because holding someone against their will, or preventing them from doing something/going somewhere that they can lawfully chose to do/go is against the law.
    Exactly! My next door neighbor was arrested for this same thing 2 weeks ago. His wife had to scream for help because he wouldn't let her leave during an argument. Unlawful Imprisonment is the charge.
  13. #13
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    Well that's the last thing I wanted, I really wasn't trying to "imprison" her. I just really wanted her to calm down and talk to me rationally. I didn't want her to just run out all erratic and do something stupid. I just simply wanted her to settle down a bit so we could work it out in a calm and mature manner.

    This is the FIRST time anything like this has ever happened. I have never hit, or threatened to hit her. This litterally came out of nowehere and has completely blind-sided me. Everything had been wonderful(at least on the surface) for a long time now. We were talking about where we wanted to be married just the night before! Then this arguement happens and she just completely flies off the deep end, and now she says that she doesn't feel safe around me? I have been with her for 3 years and lived with her for 2. I just don't see how that can be.

    I acknowledge that trying to keep her there was not the right thing to do, and I can accept(though not understand) that she doesn't want anything to do with me. What I do not understand is why a restraining order is neccessary. I would never hurt her and she HAS to know that. I mean, isn't a restraining order designed for protection? Doesn't there have to be some risk of harm for her to have this against me?
  14. #14
    ezmarelda is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by RNK23 View Post
    Well that's the last thing I wanted, I really wasn't trying to "imprison" her. I just really wanted her to calm down and talk to me rationally. I didn't want her to just run out all erratic and do something stupid. I just simply wanted her to settle down a bit so we could work it out in a calm and mature manner.

    This is the FIRST time anything like this has ever happened. I have never hit, or threatened to hit her. This litterally came out of nowehere and has completely blind-sided me. Everything had been wonderful(at least on the surface) for a long time now. We were talking about where we wanted to be married just the night before! Then this arguement happens and she just completely flies off the deep end, and now she says that she doesn't feel safe around me? I have been with her for 3 years and lived with her for 2. I just don't see how that can be.

    I acknowledge that trying to keep her there was not the right thing to do, and I can accept(though not understand) that she doesn't want anything to do with me. What I do not understand is why a restraining order is neccessary. I would never hurt her and she HAS to know that. I mean, isn't a restraining order designed for protection? Doesn't there have to be some risk of harm for her to have this against me?
    I think you neeed to re-read what CJand posted...

    ...The judge said (and I can see his point) "I always grant restraining orders. I see it as a win-win situation because no one is hurt by them, they're easy to follow, and the second I DON'T grant one, someone might get hurt or worse."

    If you are not planning on contacting/seeing/harassing or in some other way bothering her WHY do you care if there is a RO?
  15. #15
    RNK23 is offline Junior Member
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    Mostly because I don't want it to affect other aspects of my life. I am not really familiar with legal issues and court proceedings, but a few people I have talked to say that a RO will show up on any criminal background check.

    If this is infact NOT true, and it can have no other affect other than to not have contact with her, I can accept that. It's just that I don't want that social stigma that I am abusive or ever have been. I am not a violent person, and I would never hurt those I care about. As I said before I can easily admit to not handling that night's situaltion as well I could have. Though I do not feel that I gave any reason for her to be as afraid of me as she appears to me. Obviosuly there is more going on here than what meets the eye, because I do not believe that she could change her oppinion of me or of her safety that quickly.

    I know that because I am a guy and she is a girl the cards are automatically stacked against me. And since I am 6'3 and about 220 and she is 5'3 and about 100 pounds, of course there has to be more that went on. I had to have bullied her and hit her and abusied her in some way. But honest to god, I did nor have I ever done anything to hurt her. This is someone I have loved with all my heart for 3 years and is someone I could never intentionally hurt. Yet somehow I have a restrainign order against me because I am a threat to her? I just don't get it...

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