Restraining Order/Temp Custody

[jdogz]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wa

Hello, last friday I was handed a restraining order and temporary custody against my wife and our child. On the restraining order it has been written that I have been physical with her and verbally abusive. However I have not been physical to any of her statements, these are all false. She is claiming bloody nose/I punched her in the stomach when she was pregnant/I have pushed her/I have threatened to kill her with a gun that I want to buy. These are all false. Verbally abusive I have done my share I admit. Nothing anywhere near threatening her life.

There has been no police reports filed and no physical evidence. My mom and sister once said they will help my wife if she ever needed it and she told them I was being physical (about a year ago) they asked her where I hit her and she didn't respond. They saw no marks, nor have they ever. My sister used to come over everyday to drop her kid off, as my wife would babysit my niece.

The first sign that my wife wanted out of the marriage was May '09 I came home and she was gone with no note or anything. I logged on her Yahoo and she had messages to a married couple in chicago who were going to help her. I intercepted her at the greyhound station and I convinced her to come home with me that night. Only recently did I realize she was going to a womans shelter in Chicago with my kid.

On Sept 11'th she left again this time left a note saying "I'm okay". I had no idea where she was, I filed a missing report, I canceled my daughters and my passports incase she was jumping ship and going out of country.

We were married in Ukraine in 2005, she came to America about 10 months after we got married. She is not a citizen yet and has no family in America. Our child is a citizen, and is 2 1/2 years old. Our marriage fell apart when we both started playing online video games ( World of Warcraft). Prior to this we were both regular church-goers and were baptized together and just full speed ahead for God, etc. Our marriage slowly slipped into a downward spiral and my tongue got the best of me. My wife has a college degree she earned in Ukraine. When she came to America she never really hit the ground running. Gave up learning how to drive, and just stayed home and played video games while I worked. She never gave me any major signs that she would ever leave.

I have since quit playing the video games and my addiction to them has been removed. I feel clarity. However I do not feel good about my current situation. I have not seen my child or wife in almost two weeks now.

I am a good father. I have paid for my wife's Mother and Sister to live with us for a month here in America. After my wife first tried to take off to Chicago a month later I spent my life savings on a trip to Ukraine so she could see her family and that our child could also. It was a tough trip and very expensive.

My main concern at the moment is can I get atleast 50/50 custody and can I drop this restraining order? My mom has plans to go to my court date and support me. Stating that she has offered tons of help to my wife and she never even told me they talked about anything physical that I might have done (which I didn't).

Am I screwed? Will I ever see my child again? I am worried if my wife gets custody of my child and the restraining order is not removed then I will never see her again, my wife will go back to Ukraine and I will be a lonely lonely man.

My main goal in life right now is to be a better father for my child. I also ( call me crazy) want to patch thigns up with my wife with some professional counseling which we never had. We have had a babysitter twice since we have had our child, so stress and never getting a break from one another has built up. My wife is obviously done with me, no doubt. I am still going to try.

Please, any advice will help greatly. I have briefly talked to a lawyer who wants $2500 dollar down payment. Does this seem really high? Money will be an issue.

Thanks

[IsabellaSoriano]

okay, you will need to file for divorce, request an order to have the child returned to the marital home.

are there any claims you have hurt the child?

is there a hearing set for the RO?

[jdogz]

Hearing is Sept 30th. No claims I hit the child, only that I threatened to beat the **** out of her, but I said I was going to spank her. Lost in translation I suppose. I've never hit my child ever.

I'm not really feeling the divorce idea.

Oh and her claim that I was going to get a gun and kill her is almost laughable, because I've owned a gun. Its a 22 and been in the closet for years. It could easily kill a person with it, so why would I go buy a gun. Makes no sense.

She clearly wants to play the court a huge sob story and run away with my kid.

I want soul custody, but I doubt I'll get it I am told. Court usually sides with the women claiming physical abuse. I want to inform the court if I do not get atleast 50/50 or some custody then I will never see my child again, no joke.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by jdogz

Hearing is Sept 30th. No claims I hit the child, only that I threatened to beat the **** out of her, but I said I was going to spank her. Lost in translation I suppose. I've never hit my child ever.

I'm not really feeling the divorce idea.

Oh and her claim that I was going to get a gun and kill her is almost laughable, because I've owned a gun. Its a 22 and been in the closet for years. It could easily kill a person with it, so why would I go buy a gun. Makes no sense.

She clearly wants to play the court a huge sob story and run away with my kid.

I want soul custody, but I doubt I'll get it I am told. Court usually sides with the women claiming physical abuse. I want to inform the court if I do not get atleast 50/50 or some custody then I will never see my child again, no joke.

look, dad. you need to understand something. you want it ordered for your child to come back you need to file for it. file for divorce. you can still save your marriage down the line should you chose to, but you have to do something NOW before too much time passes.

once mom becomes a resident in another county, or she filed divorce before you do, you are going to screw yourself. you need to protect your rights as a father.

as long as mom doesn't have any evidence, you are almost in the clear. men that have abused their wives or girlfriends STILL get custody and STILL get ample visitation. with proof of the abuse.

you have too much on your side. don't let go of that.

[jdogz]

K I'll take that into great consideration.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by jdogz

K I'll take that into great consideration.

Quick question - did you sponsor your wife?

This is important.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by Dogmatique

Quick question - did you sponsor your wife?

This is important.

i totally forgot about that!!

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by IsabellaSoriano

i totally forgot about that!!

Custody may be the least of OP's worries, unfortunately

[jdogz]

No my parents were her sponsors. I unfortunetley did not make 100 grand a year like the INS guy insisted I needed.

[jdogz]

Is there a way to tell if she has filed for divorce? How does one even go about this? I'm assuming I should have a lawyer walk me through this.

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by jdogz

Is there a way to tell if she has filed for divorce? How does one even go about this? I'm assuming I should have a lawyer walk me through this.

at this time, she would have to file in the county where you reside as that is where she is still considered a resident of your state.

i really REALLY advise you to at least consult with a few attorneys, file for divorce before the RO hearing and have mom served there at the hearing.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by jdogz

No my parents were her sponsors. I unfortunetley did not make 100 grand a year like the INS guy insisted I needed.

Um...on what planet do you need to earn that much?! No no no no. For two adults your requirement should've been around $35k/year (and I believe I'm overestimating that). Would you mind clarifying what happened? (just for my own interest, really).

Either way, a couple more questions.

Has your wife worked much at all in this country?

And your parents submitted the I-864 affidavit of support as part of the green-card application?

[JKBee]

Don't just think about a divorce, run, don't even walk, and get divorce papers filed NOW! My son is there, he's done that, and he has his kids. You want the kids, FILE FOR DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY!

[jdogz]

My wife came to America in 2005. I guarantee you the INS guy didn't want her to come here unless somebody with the income of 100grand. I remember my parents combined income was over that. They're both sponsors.


Has your wife worked much at all in this country?

Not really, couple months and Target, couple months at Safeway. Then she worked at a little translation co. for I'm guessing around 6 months. She quit them all with no two week notice.


And your parents submitted the I-864 affidavit of support as part of the green-card application?

They must have, its been so long I forgot. I was only 24 at the time. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge. She has a greencard. I don't think she can become a citizen until May 2010 (take the test)

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by jdogz

My wife came to America in 2005. I guarantee you the INS guy didn't want her to come here unless somebody with the income of 100grand. I remember my parents combined income was over that. They're both sponsors.

Hold up a sec - did your wife first enter the country using an immigrant visa? (spousal visa or similar)?

Has your wife worked much at all in this country?

Not really, couple months and Target, couple months at Safeway. Then she worked at a little translation co. for I'm guessing around 6 months. She quit them all with no two week notice.

Ok. Though it might not be an issue, this represents a potentially huge problem for your parents.

And your parents submitted the I-864 affidavit of support as part of the green-card application?

They must have, its been so long I forgot. I was only 24 at the time. Forgive me for my lack of knowledge. She has a greencard. I don't think she can become a citizen until May 2010 (take the test)

Then they signed the I-864.

This is what I'm concerned about:

Your parents signed a contract with the US Government promising to make sure your wife is supported to 125% of the federal poverty level. This means they could be on the hook for supporting her (at worst it's around $1000/month) until she meets one of the following criteria:

She naturalizes and becomes a citizen;
She leaves the country permanently (abandons her PR status);
She earns enough qualifying SS quarters (works for about 10 years); or
Dies.

Divorce does not change anything - they would still be bound by the rules of the I-864.

(I just gave you a worst case scenario, which in all honesty isn't too likely - she'd have to know what she may be entitled to AND realize that she doesn't necessarily have to work AND then sue your parents. Although not yet common - though the incidence is rising quite rapidly - in every case so far the rulings have all been in favor of the immigrant, and support has been awarded)