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  1. #1
    1st_time_buyer is offline Junior Member
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    Restriction Order and Assault Charges

    Hello,

    Few days ago my boyfriend (or ex-boyfirend better) of 2 years got into an argument. As a result of it he hit me, pushed me on the floor, sat on top of me, trying to hurt me more. My neck was slightly bruised. I was defending myself and scratched his chest slightly as well. All that happened in the presence of my 8 year old son, who was in the room at the moment. I grabbed the phone and wanted to call the police, but the boyfirend wripped the phone out of my hands, and left the appartment with my cell phone. This kind of domestic violence happened to us for the second time, but it was the first time that I actualy decided to put an end to it. All this happened around midnight. Next morning I went straight to the police department and filed a report. The restraining order was granted by the Judge immediately, and criminal charges (assault) were put against my B/F. It is relevant to mention that B/F has a criminal history records.
    He was arrested by police within 24 hours and bailed himself out.
    The next day after he bailed himself out he filed a complaint against me stating that it was me who assaulted him, that he was a victim of me - not visa versa. He told me that he is hiring an attorney and will be prosecuting me for a false arrest, bail, and of course assault.
    In a couple of days we have a court appearing regarding restraining order in a family law. I want to keep the temporary order and get a permanent!
    Few days after the family court hearing we have to appear in criminal court regarding our both criminal charges against each other. My B/F contacted me, violating restraining order by the way, and is now begging me on his knees and on behalf of all his family to dropp criminal charges against him.
    Finally - my questions:
    Can I keep a restraining order from him? (dont want him near around me or my son), if I decide to drop the criminal charges and save his ass from jail??
    If i decide to drop charges - am I going to be fined or penalized?
    If I dont drop charges can he have a case against me? (he told that if I drop my charges - he will drop his).

    Thank you for advise!
  2. #2
    justalayman is offline Senior Member
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    The bad news here is that you may not be able to drop the charges. Many states pick up the charges in DV cases and the injured party becomes no more than a witness/victim. That would go both ways if the charge is DV.

    You can still keep the RO in place as long as the judge will allow it.
  3. #3
    AmarieNorton is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    If i decide to drop charges - am I going to be fined or penalized?
    If I dont drop charges can he have a case against me? (he told that if I drop my charges - he will drop his).
    To my knowledge, these charges aren't yours to drop. Like justalayman said, you are just a witness - you will not be able to make the decision to drop the charges. The same goes for him. I don't think he'll have the choice of dropping the charges against you.

    If you both choose to lie for the other and change your story then I believe that the state can penalize you and both in some fashion (someone else will be able to tell you what would happen).

    You both put the wheels in motion, you can't stop it just cause you have a change of heart.

    Good luck!
  4. #4
    1st_time_buyer is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for replies.

    The court heaing for RO is on Monday. Any advices what should I say OR NOT say to the Judge? In order to keep a RO what should I state and say?
    Also.....if it is so hard to drop the charges, is there anything I should be afraid of in terms of prosecution and accusation against me by him. Note - he filed a complaint against me AFTER he bailed himself out from jail, and he has a criminal history. Me - single mother, no history, I called the police to begin with and file RO and Assault charges. How do I get out of this situation? Again - I do not want him in jail, but want to keep RO.

    Thank you!!!
  5. #5
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    Thank you for replies.

    The court heaing for RO is on Monday. Any advices what should I say OR NOT say to the Judge? In order to keep a RO what should I state and say?
    Also.....if it is so hard to drop the charges, is there anything I should be afraid of in terms of prosecution and accusation against me by him. Note - he filed a complaint against me AFTER he bailed himself out from jail, and he has a criminal history. Me - single mother, no history, I called the police to begin with and file RO and Assault charges. How do I get out of this situation? Again - I do not want him in jail, but want to keep RO.

    Thank you!!!
    I don't understand why you don't want him in jail?? He assaulted you! If this were a random assault on the street would you want that person in jail?...Ofcourse you would!! But for some reason when somone we love and should be able to trust hits us...We don't want them punished!!

    He hit you and should have to pay for that...the price is jail time...maybe next time he wil think twice before raising his fist to someone!
  6. #6
    AmarieNorton is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    Thank you for replies.
    The court heaing for RO is on Monday. Any advices what should I say OR NOT say to the Judge? In order to keep a RO what should I state and say?
    ~Simply tell the truth - tell the judge everything that you say he did to you in your first post.

    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    Also.....if it is so hard to drop the charges, is there anything I should be afraid of in terms of prosecution and accusation against me by him. Note - he filed a complaint against me AFTER he bailed himself out from jail, and he has a criminal history. Me - single mother, no history, I called the police to begin with and file RO and Assault charges. How do I get out of this situation? Again - I do not want him in jail, but want to keep RO.

    Thank you!!!
    Keep in mind that I don't have a legal background. In my OPINION, you don't have much to worry about. I would think that the DA would see right through his complaints and know that he filed his in retaliation. I do wonder however, why you didn't file your report immediately after the incident happened? I read that you waited until the next morning. Someone with a legal background may be able to shed more light on whether or not you should be worried about the charges against you.
  7. #7
    tcsmpsi is offline Junior Member
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    First time buyer,

    First of all, "he" nor his attorney can "file" criminal charges against you or anyone else.

    The protective order SHOULD not be subsequently hindered or enhanced by your decision to be a witness or not. As a victim of domestic violence, your decision whether or not to witness is SUPPOSED to be sacred unto yourself.

    However, the human factor does indeed rear its head from time to time in the system, and objectivity and following mandated guidelines are not always at the frontline.

    You should contact a domestic violence agency in your jurisdiction to help you within and without the system.

    There should be no charge for any service through such agency.

    If you need help in contacting an agency in your jurisdiction, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at, 1-800-799 7233, 24/7.
  8. #8
    1st_time_buyer is offline Junior Member
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    We were in court today. The court granted me a final restriction order and obligated him to take Anger Management Course. Two hours after a court hearing he calls me and beggs me to withdraw it, as he states that the court told him that they will report it to INS and get him deported ( he is a green card holder for over 20 years) NOT a citizen. Is he telling me the truth? Can a person get deported for having a restriction order against him? Or is trying to manipulate me?

    Thanks!
  9. #9
    Kazzie is offline Member
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    I would think he is manipulating you. My husband has been in this country for over 35 yrs with a green card, although never been charge with dv, he has gotten in a few scuffles with a boyfriend of his ex that was over stepping his authority with his daughter. Although after 911 the laws have changed but he should have thought of that before he touched you.

    You should just avoid all contact with him. If he calls hang up, otherwise, you may be in contempt of the restrainting order also.

    This is not legal advice but merely my opinion.

    Abusers tend to work on your weakness. Avoid him at all cost. Good Luck to you and your son.
  10. #10
    1st_time_buyer is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you all for advices. Now...i have read more here and realized that charges in assault are not mine or his to drop. So what will happen on the court date? Again: I filed a police report, DV charges in assault. He, in his turn, filed a complaint, after he bailed himself out of jail for my charges that it was me abusing him - and he is innocent as a flower. I got a Final RO from him today, but the criminal charges for both of us are scheduled next week. I realize charges cant be dropped, so who do you think will the Judge beleive - me or him??? And what do I do from protecting an abuser to change it all around on me?:
  11. #11
    1st_time_buyer is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmarieNorton
    ~Simply tell the truth - tell the judge everything that you say he did to you in your first post.



    Keep in mind that I don't have a legal background. In my OPINION, you don't have much to worry about. I would think that the DA would see right through his complaints and know that he filed his in retaliation. I do wonder however, why you didn't file your report immediately after the incident happened? I read that you waited until the next morning. Someone with a legal background may be able to shed more light on whether or not you should be worried about the charges against you.

    I didnt file right away because it was 1 AM in the morning, and my poor kid was exhausted and needed some menthal piece and rest. (remember - he was a witness to everything....that was enough for him for that night) And I knew that I will have to go with the police to the station to take pictures etc. And I didnt have anyone to leave him with, and of course I wouldnt leave a child alone. Besides my abuser left and I locked the doors and put it on a metal door chain to feel safe in case he decides to come back.
  12. #12
    AmarieNorton is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    as he states that the court told him that they will report it to INS and get him deported ( he is a green card holder for over 20 years) NOT a citizen. Is he telling me the truth? Can a person get deported for having a restriction order against him? Or is trying to manipulate me?
    Thanks!
    ....I'd post this question in the immigration forum. They may be able to help you.

    Also, don't take his calls. I think he's trying to manipulate you. My abuser cried and told me that the charges that were against him would affect his visitation with his daughter. At that point I didn't care (I couldn't give in just cause he got someone knocked up a few years ago and wants to pull the daddy card when it suits him - please). He should have thought about his daughter before he did what he did. DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. Even if he does get deported (which I think he's lying) - it's NOT your problem. You've got a son to think about.

    I wouldn't have ANY contact with him at all.
  13. #13
    AmarieNorton is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1st_time_buyer
    I didnt file right away because it was 1 AM in the morning, and my poor kid was exhausted and needed some menthal piece and rest. (remember - he was a witness to everything....that was enough for him for that night) And I knew that I will have to go with the police to the station to take pictures etc. And I didnt have anyone to leave him with, and of course I wouldnt leave a child alone. Besides my abuser left and I locked the doors and put it on a metal door chain to feel safe in case he decides to come back.
    I see. Good idea to stay home with your baby.

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