same old PFA story but with video

[terryjr]

State is PA

My fiancee filed a PFA against with intoxicated and then suprisigly filed for the temporary the next day. We have a hearing the 25th. Now granted I am in the wrong, I'm not denying that i handled the situation poorly that night and yesterday i got set up with a conselour. BUT my local law efforcement knows us and knows her. This isnt anything new and I have learned to record what i can of our conflicts. I showed my local police the video and they are encouraging me to show the judge but i dont want to make this any worse than it already is. The report on the PFA is an extreme exaggeration, i cant say i have never slapped, shoved or pushed her off of me, but i have NEVER struck her with a closed fist or enough force to ever leave any type of markings on her. And we have never gotten into an altercation when she was sober. She has also has a perscription pill and alcohol abuse problem. We have 3 small children, but they were not home at the night of this occurence

Video, the video shows her harrasing and threatening me while i try and seclude myself from her in a bedroom, the judge will see full video where she goes into saying she has FBI friends after she says shes going to kill me. Should i show judge video or sit quietly and hope this blows over so i can go home again?

I also have text and phone calls from her begging me to come home and when i refuse because, well its the law, she tries to convince me that its a leiniant PFA and doesnt mean anything.

 

[Zigner]

State is PA

My fiancee filed a PFA against with intoxicated and then suprisigly filed for the temporary the next day. We have a hearing the 25th. Now granted I am in the wrong, I'm not denying that i handled the situation poorly that night and yesterday i got set up with a conselour. BUT my local law efforcement knows us and knows her. This isnt anything new and I have learned to record what i can of our conflicts. I showed my local police the video and they are encouraging me to show the judge but i dont want to make this any worse than it already is. The report on the PFA is an extreme exaggeration, i cant say i have never slapped, shoved or pushed her off of me, but i have NEVER struck her with a closed fist or enough force to ever leave any type of markings on her. And we have never gotten into an altercation when she was sober. She has also has a perscription pill and alcohol abuse problem. We have 3 small children, but they were not home at the night of this occurence

Video, judge will see full video where she goes into saying she has FBI friends after she says shes going to kill me. Should i show judge video or sit quietly and hope this blows over so i can go home again?

I reported your post. You need an attorney.

 

[terryjr]

I reported your post. You need an attorney.

Reported?, sorry I'm not familiar with this foum yet

I went through the bar association for a lawyer refferal, awaiting a reply

 

[Proserpina]

Reported?, sorry I'm not familiar with this foum yet

I went through the bar association for a lawyer refferal, awaiting a reply

The PFA may be the least of your worries in all honesty - because no matter who is at fault, if this behavior continues you are effectively begging the State to get involved and remove the children from both of you.

You and Mom are toxic for each other. Fix this before you no longer have the option to do so yourself.

 

[Zigner]

Reported?, sorry I'm not familiar with this foum yet

I went through the bar association for a lawyer refferal, awaiting a reply

It got edited a bit by admin...

My original post said I reported your post due to the videos. We don't need to see the videos. You need an attorney.
(Or something close to that)

 

[terryjr]

On this short notice, I dont have money for a lawyer, i just want to make sure i dont make things worse buy not sharing my side and i also dont want to make things worse showing the judge her general behavior or that she's threatened my life. She's seeing doctors and I'm starting my theropy Monday. If she can control her drinking/pill abuse, and i can control my anger/resentment i have from her addiction issues, then we can work this out if PA gives us the chance.

 

[Eekamouse]

On this short notice, I dont have money for a lawyer, i just want to make sure i dont make things worse buy not sharing my side and i also dont want to make things worse showing the judge her general behavior or that she's threatened my life. She's seeing doctors and I'm starting my theropy Monday. If she can control her drinking/pill abuse, and i can control my anger/resentment i have from her addiction issues, then we can work this out if PA gives us the chance.

You're deluded. You can't say that your 3 children don't see what's going on in your home and aren't affected by it. Children aren't stupid and you know what you are teaching them? That it's okay to hit each other when angry if you can justify it by being inebriated. Pathetic. This apparently has been going on for quite some time and you are just NOW going to see a counselor for your anger issues? Again, pathetic. And do you also drink yourself? I suspect you do. You and your girl are being really horrible parents.

 

[terryjr]

i dont drink and just for that reason. i was in conseling and alanon 3 years ago. in the last 5 years this has been going on, about 6 times its got to the physical level. this doesnt happen in front of kids. im sure they feel the tension sometimes but we're FAR from bad parents, we have 3 of the happiest kids on the planet.

the last time i did conseling was for anger management and after 6 months and hundreds of dollars the woman told me i didnt have and anger problem and recommended the alanon to try and learn to cope with spouses and addition issues. this time around i want to go to a domestic violence specialist to learn to block out her "dark" side and learn to walk away before things reach that level

 

[anearthw]

i dont drink and just for that reason. i was in conseling and alanon 3 years ago. in the last 5 years this has been going on, about 6 times its got to the physical level. this doesnt happen in front of kids. im sure they feel the tension sometimes but we're FAR from bad parents, we have 3 of the happiest kids on the planet.

the last time i did conseling was for anger management and after 6 months and hundreds of dollars the woman told me i didnt have and anger problem and recommended the alanon to try and learn to cope with spouses and addition issues. this time around i want to go to a domestic violence specialist to learn to block out her "dark" side and learn to walk away before things reach that level

That is ridiculous. It is completely unhealthy to be fighting to the point where you are filming from a secluded area in order to exhonerate yourself from inevitable DV charges. "Block out her dark side", unreal, these kids will learn to allow themselves to be abused or be abusive themselves. Happy kids whose mother has a pill/drinking problem and physically rages? Does CPS need to seize them before you wake up here?

 

[Proserpina]

i dont drink and just for that reason. i was in conseling and alanon 3 years ago. in the last 5 years this has been going on, about 6 times its got to the physical level. this doesnt happen in front of kids. im sure they feel the tension sometimes but we're FAR from bad parents, we have 3 of the happiest kids on the planet.

the last time i did conseling was for anger management and after 6 months and hundreds of dollars the woman told me i didnt have and anger problem and recommended the alanon to try and learn to cope with spouses and addition issues. this time around i want to go to a domestic violence specialist to learn to block out her "dark" side and learn to walk away before things reach that level

Terry, here's the problem. 6 physical altercations in 5 years or roughly once a year. Do you think that's acceptable? Believe me, those children know far more than you could ever imagine. The damage started years ago, and it's just continuing.

If the State does get involved - and frankly, they should - it's going to be on their terms and you'll jump through as many hoops as necessary. You may be faced with a choice. You KNOW there's a way of mitigating this damage; the only question is whether or not you're willing to do what you need to do.

Are you, Terry?

 

[Proserpina]

(Would it be redundant of me to mention that CPS in Pennsylvania are absolute demons when it comes to interceding? I'm not kidding. And once they're in your life, they're in for an awfully long time unless the court actually terminates your parental rights ... and even then, if you have more kids they'll be watching you like a hawk)

 

[terryjr]

im can almost certainly say that the physical is going to stop. Her mom and sisters love me and knows how she gets. Now that im back in conseling the pressure will be back on her rehab. I am staying at her moms house, but her sisters said im welcome at there houses too. I dont want to be a burden and rather just sleep in my car but they were pretty adimit about me staying at one of their houses. And they been helping me with a plan that anytime an issue may arrise that i can go to one of the houses.

CYF was around before, 4 years ago when she started the drinking while pregnant.

 

[stealth2]

Why are you two still engaged and why on God's green earth do you keep procreating? Do you need a Sex Ed 101 review? Wrap your puppy up! Or stop having sex - that's why God gave you two hands - new partner every night.

And you absolutely need a lawyer. More than one. One for your DV charges and one for custody/child support issues.

Your kids deserve better than they are getting from you/Mom.

 

[Proserpina]

im can almost certainly say that the physical is going to stop. Her mom and sisters love me and knows how she gets. Now that im back in conseling the pressure will be back on her rehab. I am staying at her moms house, but her sisters said im welcome at there houses too. I dont want to be a burden and rather just sleep in my car but they were pretty adimit about me staying at one of their houses. And they been helping me with a plan that anytime an issue may arrise that i can go to one of the houses.

CYF was around before, 4 years ago when she started the drinking while pregnant.

And you still think it's good idea for you and Mom to get back together?

Stealth is absolutely correct. Your children deserve better.