San Diego County, California: Restraining Order Turned Divorce. Nightmare Judge.

[gotprobs]

Filed for a restraining order after being violently raped by husband. Charges filed. Also cited history of abuse, including police report case numbers.

Husband responds to restraining order and includes confession to rape, confession to knocking out three of my teeth. Denies everything else.

Judge orders mediation. Husband uses opportunity to intimidate, then grabs me and hugs me in front of mediator and won’t let go. To me, this is a violation of the restraining order. Also confesses to rape and taunts me about it in front of mediator. Demands I take back restraining order. Mediator does nothing, reports nothing. Husband says nothing about child, entire time, other than to say he will settle for nothing less than 50/50 custody. Mediator recommends to court supervised visitation that requires me to travel from Humboldt County once a month so he can see his son, who he abuses when he isn’t ignoring him, for four hours, two days in a row.

Husband closed joint bank account. It was my only account. He maintains his own accounts. He has never worked, I have provided all of the money. Husband sold my car without my permission. I have no money and no car and no ability to get either because of him. He has held onto all of my possessions and our son’s possessions and refuses to return them through intermediaries. He admitted this to the judge, citing the reason that he wants to get back together.

The day he received the restraining order, he attempted to contact me and his family contacted me to complain about the RO, all of them specifically mentioning the RO. Reported to the police immediately. They did nothing.
After mediation, he knew where I was going to be and waited for me with him and his friend. Also reported immediately and the police have done nothing.

On Christmas Eve, he called the Sheriff’s department in Humboldt, failed to mention that he had an RO, and asked them to check on his son and provide them with his son’s location. Reported then and there to the police. The police have done nothing.

Attempted to press charges on rape, provided hand written confession on the court documentation. Police have done nothing.

Attempted to press charges on assault based on hand written confession of him knocking out my three front teeth. Police have done nothing.

Filed for divorce in Humboldt County because the judge ordered us to file for divorce, together, in San Diego. I ran to San Diego after being raped. I left San Diego the moment he violated the RO, back to Humboldt. Judge accused me of playing games. Judge has ordered another mediation. Last one lasted for 5 hours with no agreements. Filed formal complaint against mediator. Judge expressed his anger at that, but admitted the court was wrong to put us in the same room together. Judge also admitted that he considered the response to include two confessions. It is in the court transcript.

Judge demanded I hand over US passport. The father was not ordered to hand over son’s Uruguayan passport. Husband admitted, to the mediator, that he obtained a Uruguayan passport in secret and marked himself as “unmarried,” insuring I have no rights as a parent in Uruguay. Judge said he will order me to move back to San Diego, even though I have no money. Husband lives 50% of the time in Uruguay.

Question 1: How do I get the police to take action?

Question 2: How do I get the RO moved to Humboldt?

Question 3: Can a judge legally order two people to “go down the hall and file for divorce, together, right now,” in violation of a restraining order that he, himself, issued. Even the bailiff put his hands on my husband to make sure he didn’t follow me. Neither one of us had been in San Diego for 3 months, which means they turned me away. I had to go home and file in Humboldt.

Question 4: Can I have a lawyer appear for me at the next RO hearing? Would that hurt me, in the judge’s eyes? I have no money for an attorney. My husband stole all of my money and sold my only form of transportation. How much would something like this cost?

Question 5: How do I get passport back from judge? How do I get travel restrictions removed?

 

[Proserpina]

Filed for a restraining order after being violently raped by husband. Charges filed. Also cited history of abuse, including police report case numbers.

Husband responds to restraining order and includes confession to rape, confession to knocking out three of my teeth. Denies everything else.

Judge orders mediation. Husband uses opportunity to intimidate, then grabs me and hugs me in front of mediator and won’t let go. To me, this is a violation of the restraining order. Also confesses to rape and taunts me about it in front of mediator. Demands I take back restraining order. Mediator does nothing, reports nothing. Husband says nothing about child, entire time, other than to say he will settle for nothing less than 50/50 custody. Mediator recommends to court supervised visitation that requires me to travel from Humboldt County once a month so he can see his son, who he abuses when he isn’t ignoring him, for four hours, two days in a row.

Husband closed joint bank account. It was my only account. He maintains his own accounts. He has never worked, I have provided all of the money. Husband sold my car without my permission. I have no money and no car and no ability to get either because of him. He has held onto all of my possessions and our son’s possessions and refuses to return them through intermediaries. He admitted this to the judge, citing the reason that he wants to get back together.

The day he received the restraining order, he attempted to contact me and his family contacted me to complain about the RO, all of them specifically mentioning the RO. Reported to the police immediately. They did nothing.
After mediation, he knew where I was going to be and waited for me with him and his friend. Also reported immediately and the police have done nothing.

On Christmas Eve, he called the Sheriff’s department in Humboldt, failed to mention that he had an RO, and asked them to check on his son and provide them with his son’s location. Reported then and there to the police. The police have done nothing.

Attempted to press charges on rape, provided hand written confession on the court documentation. Police have done nothing.

Attempted to press charges on assault based on hand written confession of him knocking out my three front teeth. Police have done nothing.

Filed for divorce in Humboldt County because the judge ordered us to file for divorce, together, in San Diego. I ran to San Diego after being raped. I left San Diego the moment he violated the RO, back to Humboldt. Judge accused me of playing games. Judge has ordered another mediation. Last one lasted for 5 hours with no agreements. Filed formal complaint against mediator. Judge expressed his anger at that, but admitted the court was wrong to put us in the same room together. Judge also admitted that he considered the response to include two confessions. It is in the court transcript.

Judge demanded I hand over US passport. The father was not ordered to hand over son’s Uruguayan passport. Husband admitted, to the mediator, that he obtained a Uruguayan passport in secret and marked himself as “unmarried,” insuring I have no rights as a parent in Uruguay. Judge said he will order me to move back to San Diego, even though I have no money. Husband lives 50% of the time in Uruguay.

Question 1: How do I get the police to take action?

Question 2: How do I get the RO moved to Humboldt?

Question 3: Can a judge legally order two people to “go down the hall and file for divorce, together, right now,” in violation of a restraining order that he, himself, issued. Even the bailiff put his hands on my husband to make sure he didn’t follow me. Neither one of us had been in San Diego for 3 months, which means they turned me away. I had to go home and file in Humboldt.

Question 4: Can I have a lawyer appear for me at the next RO hearing? Would that hurt me, in the judge’s eyes? I have no money for an attorney. My husband stole all of my money and sold my only form of transportation. How much would something like this cost?

Question 5: How do I get passport back from judge? How do I get travel restrictions removed?

I have a quick question.

If Dad lives 50% of the time in Uruguay, how exactly is 50/50 custody going to work?

 

[gotprobs]

I have a quick question.

If Dad lives 50% of the time in Uruguay, how exactly is 50/50 custody going to work?

I don't know. It wasn't my suggestion and the mediator didn't mention it in her recommendation. She also failed to mention that he got his passport in secret, even though he admitted it to her.

 

[Proserpina]

At this point, all we should really be doing is advising you to hire an attorney.

 

[gotprobs]

At this point, all we should really be doing is advising you to hire an attorney.

It would be nice to be able to hire one, but my bank account has been emptied and my only mode of transportation has been sold.

Unless I can get an attorney for free, I have no other options than to go at this on my own. I cannot work because my car has been sold.

If I could hire an attorney, I would. Of the dozen, or so, I have talked to, along with every police officer and every court official, everyone treats me like a liar, anyways, despite having voluminous evidence to support my claims.

 

[CdwJava]

Filed for a restraining order after being violently raped by husband. Charges filed. Also cited history of abuse, including police report case numbers.

Husband responds to restraining order and includes confession to rape, confession to knocking out three of my teeth. Denies everything else.

Judge orders mediation. Husband uses opportunity to intimidate, then grabs me and hugs me in front of mediator and won’t let go. To me, this is a violation of the restraining order.

What restraining order? Up until now, you have said you applied for one, hubbie denied it, and the judge ordered mediation. Was the issue ordered by the judge? If so, what were the terms of the order?

Also confesses to rape and taunts me about it in front of mediator. Demands I take back restraining order. Mediator does nothing, reports nothing.

Horrible, but, if he has already confessed to it in his response to the TRO, then what is there to report?

Husband says nothing about child, entire time, other than to say he will settle for nothing less than 50/50 custody. Mediator recommends to court supervised visitation that requires me to travel from Humboldt County once a month so he can see his son, who he abuses when he isn’t ignoring him, for four hours, two days in a row.

Did you report the abuse to the authorities in Humboldt County? What kind of abuse are we talking about? beaten until he is black and blue, or denied his favorite sugar cereal?

Husband closed joint bank account. It was my only account. He maintains his own accounts. He has never worked, I have provided all of the money. Husband sold my car without my permission. I have no money and no car and no ability to get either because of him. He has held onto all of my possessions and our son’s possessions and refuses to return them through intermediaries. He admitted this to the judge, citing the reason that he wants to get back together.

As part of the divorce decree, did the judge order him to return these things or compensate you" Has the order been finalized?

The day he received the restraining order, he attempted to contact me and his family contacted me to complain about the RO, all of them specifically mentioning the RO. Reported to the police immediately. They did nothing.

He ATTEMPTED to contact you ... depending on what that means, it may not be a violation of the TRO. And unless family is on the order, he can contact them so long as he is not wanting them to communicate to you.

And he may have received or learned about the order on that day, but, was he legally SERVED the order. Yes, there is a difference.

After mediation, he knew where I was going to be and waited for me with him and his friend. Also reported immediately and the police have done nothing.

What did you expect them to do? Did they take a report? Unless he is on scene or able to easily be found in the area of the allegation, they can't call out the FBI to hunt him down. It's a misdemeanor to violate a lawfully served DV TRO, and the law requires the police to make an arrest if there is probable cause to believe the suspect violated the order. Since no arrest was made, it makes me wonder whether (a) there is a valid TRO, or, (b) whether he was on scene when you called the police. If they took a report and it was forwarded to the DA then it will be up to the DA to decide to pursue it or not.

On Christmas Eve, he called the Sheriff’s department in Humboldt, failed to mention that he had an RO, and asked them to check on his son and provide them with his son’s location. Reported then and there to the police. The police have done nothing.

That's not necessarily a violation of the TRO unless specifically prohibited in the order. If he continues to use law enforcement to harass and intimidate then he could be found in violation. But, since he has at least some rights to the children from what you write, it would seem - on its face - that he has a right to have a welfare check conducted. And he must have known where to send law enforcement, so I doubt they provided him with info he didn't already know.

Attempted to press charges on rape, provided hand written confession on the court documentation. Police have done nothing.

The POLICE don't press charges - neither do you. The police take a report, investigate, and forward it to the DA. The problem with most spousal rape cases is that it's a he said, she said, thing. You say he admitted to RAPE in his TRO response. Did he really? Or, did he merely admit to having sex with you? And if he admitted to forcing sex against your will, it may just be a matter of time before the DA files charges.

have you been in touch with the police, or a supervisor at the local agency who can assist you in figuring out where things stand? You can also contact your local county victim-witness office or domestic violence program for assistance. CA has Victim's Rights, and you have a lot of them. Victim-Witness, and a DV program should be able to help you sort some of this out.

Judge also admitted that he considered the response to include two confessions. It is in the court transcript.

That's helpful.

But, I also note that you jumped from Humboldt to San Diego and back to Humboldt. This is the sort of thing that can hamper an investigation or prosecution - particularly if the investigating agency doesn't know how to reach you.

Question 1: How do I get the police to take action?

You cannot FORCE the police to do anything. PC 273.6 - violation of a DV TRO - is the only law in CA that MANDATES an arrest if there is probable cause to believe that the suspect violated the order. But! That suspect must be present or located soon afterwards for that to happen. Otherwise the police forward the case to the DA and he/she decides what to do.

Speak to a supervisor or higher at the agency involved. Ask them if they can let you know ehere the investigation stands and what you might be able to do to help - if anything can be done.

Question 2: How do I get the RO moved to Humboldt?

Make a motion to the appropriate court. But, the TRO is enforceable everywhere, so if it has been issued, it really doesn't matter. The divorce and custody would be best filed where you will be living with the child, but the TRO can be enforced anywhere. If it was issued in San Diego you may want to check on how you can also have it filed in Humboldt County just to back it up ... the exact term escapes me at the moment.

Question 3: Can a judge legally order two people to “go down the hall and file for divorce, together, right now,” in violation of a restraining order that he, himself, issued.

Legally? Kinda sorta. He can make the comment, but he'd be hard pressed to find you in conetmpt for not doing so. But, since a judge tends to have almost absolute immunity for actions taken from the bench, you really have no recourse.

Question 4: Can I have a lawyer appear for me at the next RO hearing? Would that hurt me, in the judge’s eyes? I have no money for an attorney. My husband stole all of my money and sold my only form of transportation. How much would something like this cost?

Any attorney you send would not be able to answer questions asked about the incident so it might be inadvisable. But, you can certainly speak to some local attorneys - consultations are often free.

Question 5: How do I get passport back from judge? How do I get travel restrictions removed?

Revisit the divorce or custody agreement and ask that they be lifted. The question he will ask is, "Why?"

 

[gotprobs]

Thank you for your response.

The order was granted in San Diego at the first hearing. The order was extended at the second hearing, which occurred after the court ordered mediation. The judge ordered another mediation and another hearing.

It is incredibly frustrating for me to have his admissions of guilt occur in front of court officials, in writing, even, and no one has any sense of responsibility to address it. Because the rape occurred in Humboldt County, it is a Humboldt Detective who is assigned. However, Husband is hiding out in Mexico, and crossing the border regularly. he shows up at court hearings, and no one has bothered to question him or use the opportunity to arrest him.

Abuse against my son includes choking, punching, emotional abuse, cutting open our son's hand with a knife, leaving a scar, leaving in the sun, unattended all day with no food and being blistered from the son, leaving scars, stabbing a Q tip so far into his ear that he bled, when he was sick. He has never taken him to the hospital on any of these occasions and the severe incidents occur always as a means to control me. Basically, if I deny him sex, he hurts our son, who was the result of a rape. I have terminated several pregnancies as a result of being raped by him.

The judge has not ordered anything be returned or that I be compensated. The only order that currently exists expires in April and it is no contact and no attempt to determine the location of me and our son.

He did not know where we were located. he called the San Diego Sheriff to do a welfare check. Humboldt sent Sheriffs to look at the location he suggested, but they couldn't find us. They called me, asking where I was, and if they could do a welfare check. They refused to say who initiated it. He was able to learn, from this process, where I lived. So, I had to move again.

He admitted to having sex, then provided a reason for consent that was easily proved fictional. The neighbors reported the screaming and a pregnancy, which was terminated, resulted from it. His reason for consent is that he knew I was leaving and was going to miss me. I have left repeatedly. He always finds me. He shows up and just stays until I save the money to leave again.

I have made numerous attempts to contact the detectives, in three different counties, to stay in touch. I continue to do so. I continue to receive no response. I have regularly contacted all three offices of the prosecutors and, so far, no movement since September. I agree the mixed jurisdictions must be making it difficult. What can I do to facilitate?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for your response.

The order was granted in San Diego at the first hearing. The order was extended at the second hearing, which occurred after the court ordered mediation. The judge ordered another mediation and another hearing.

It is incredibly frustrating for me to have his admissions of guilt occur in front of court officials, in writing, even, and no one has any sense of responsibility to address it. Because the rape occurred in Humboldt County, it is a Humboldt Detective who is assigned. However, Husband is hiding out in Mexico, and crossing the border regularly. he shows up at court hearings, and no one has bothered to question him or use the opportunity to arrest him.

Abuse against my son includes choking, punching, emotional abuse, cutting open our son's hand with a knife, leaving a scar, leaving in the sun, unattended all day with no food and being blistered from the son, leaving scars, stabbing a Q tip so far into his ear that he bled, when he was sick. He has never taken him to the hospital on any of these occasions and the severe incidents occur always as a means to control me. Basically, if I deny him sex, he hurts our son, who was the result of a rape. I have terminated several pregnancies as a result of being raped by him.

The judge has not ordered anything be returned or that I be compensated. The only order that currently exists expires in April and it is no contact and no attempt to determine the location of me and our son.

He did not know where we were located. he called the San Diego Sheriff to do a welfare check. Humboldt sent Sheriffs to look at the location he suggested, but they couldn't find us. They called me, asking where I was, and if they could do a welfare check. They refused to say who initiated it. He was able to learn, from this process, where I lived. So, I had to move again.

He admitted to having sex, then provided a reason for consent that was easily proved fictional. The neighbors reported the screaming and a pregnancy, which was terminated, resulted from it. His reason for consent is that he knew I was leaving and was going to miss me. I have left repeatedly. He always finds me. He shows up and just stays until I save the money to leave again.

I have made numerous attempts to contact the detectives, in three different counties, to stay in touch. I continue to do so. I continue to receive no response. I have regularly contacted all three offices of the prosecutors and, so far, no movement since September. I agree the mixed jurisdictions must be making it difficult. What can I do to facilitate?

If everything that you say is true, then you REALLY need an attorney.

 

[CdwJava]

Thank you for your response.

The order was granted in San Diego at the first hearing. The order was extended at the second hearing, which occurred after the court ordered mediation. The judge ordered another mediation and another hearing.

Okay ... so, if I am reading this correctly, there is an active temporary DV TRO in effect with another hearing on the order pending. Correct?

It is incredibly frustrating for me to have his admissions of guilt occur in front of court officials, in writing, even, and no one has any sense of responsibility to address it.

Understand that each venue is responsible only for one small part of things. The Family Court that is hearing the TRO matter cannot press charges for rape. But, you can bring a copy of his response to the police and, assuming it IS an admission of guilt (i.e. an admission that he forcibly had sex with you against your will - a stupid thing to do in writing, but, if he did ...) the police might be able to use that as part of their report and a request for charges to the DA.

Because the rape occurred in Humboldt County, it is a Humboldt Detective who is assigned. However, Husband is hiding out in Mexico, and crossing the border regularly. he shows up at court hearings, and no one has bothered to question him or use the opportunity to arrest him.

Okay, THIS is what is making it difficult to conduct follow-up. If the detective had the time and inclination, he could wait for hubbie at the courthouse on his court days. But, depending on how many cases he is working, that may not be realistic. They can still request charges through the DA's office, though. So, if you haven't done so already, provide this detective with copies of any response or transcripts where the hubbie admits to forcible rape.

Abuse against my son includes choking, punching, emotional abuse, cutting open our son's hand with a knife, leaving a scar, leaving in the sun, unattended all day with no food and being blistered from the son, leaving scars, stabbing a Q tip so far into his ear that he bled, when he was sick.

And this occurred in a short allegedly supervised visit? This seems a little hard to believe. Did you call the police immediately when it was discovered? Have you had him seen by a doctor and provided the detective with medical reports documenting that the injuries were consistent with physical abuse?

He has never taken him to the hospital on any of these occasions and the severe incidents occur always as a means to control me. Basically, if I deny him sex, he hurts our son, who was the result of a rape. I have terminated several pregnancies as a result of being raped by him.

And you stayed with him ... because?

Have you contacted victim-witness or a domestic violence shelter or support organization at all? if not, WHY NOT? These groups are there to help give you direction and resources as they can. if you don't use them, they can't help you. If a rape was reported, victim-witness was almost certainly trying to contact you as they would have received the report as a matter of law. But, if you had already left for San Diego and they had no means of contact, then you lost out on that assistance at least for that time. Contact them first thing Monday.

The judge has not ordered anything be returned or that I be compensated. The only order that currently exists expires in April and it is no contact and no attempt to determine the location of me and our son.

Okay, so, there are custody orders and a TRO. No division of assets, thus ... no divorce? I'm going out on a limb here and assuming that there was no legal marriage, then? Without a legal marriage there will be no divorce and no division of assets. You will have to sue him, but that will also mean that collecting on any award will be your burden.

He did not know where we were located. he called the San Diego Sheriff to do a welfare check. Humboldt sent Sheriffs to look at the location he suggested, but they couldn't find us. They called me, asking where I was, and if they could do a welfare check. They refused to say who initiated it. He was able to learn, from this process, where I lived. So, I had to move again.

Bad on them. Next time, you need to inform them what the circumstances are. Remember, law enforcement does not have a mystical psychic machine that tells them what's goin gon. They only know what people tell them, and what little is in a computer network. Shows like CSI give the impression that we are omnipresent - we're not. Our systems are limited, they are often antiquated, and they provide only cursory info and usually very little detail ... and there likely was not any records check done on him when he called, or you.

He admitted to having sex, then provided a reason for consent that was easily proved fictional.

So YOU say. I'm not saying that it was consensual, only that YOU might believe that his excuse is "easily proved fictional" but that does not mean that the excuse is not legally sufficient to cast reasonable doubt on the situation. This may be why no rape charges have materialized.

The neighbors reported the screaming and a pregnancy, which was terminated, resulted from it.

That does not mean a rape occurred ... maybe an argument, maybe even a DV, but it doesn't indicate that you were raped at that date and time.

His reason for consent is that he knew I was leaving and was going to miss me. I have left repeatedly. He always finds me. He shows up and just stays until I save the money to leave again.

That's what's good about a TRO - it would mandate an arrest if he did that and was caught. It doesn't mandate a conviction or even prosecution, but the police would be required to at least arrest him.

I have made numerous attempts to contact the detectives, in three different counties, to stay in touch. I continue to do so. I continue to receive no response. I have regularly contacted all three offices of the prosecutors and, so far, no movement since September. I agree the mixed jurisdictions must be making it difficult. What can I do to facilitate?

THREE counties??? You have mentioned San Diego where a TRO was issued (I believe) and a violation may have occurred, and Humboldt County where a TRO violation may have occurred and the rape was reported. What other county is there? What happened there?

I am beginning to see why this has become such a mess to investigate.

 

[stealth2]

I think you also need to contact a DV hotline or shelter to learn better how to help yourself...

Try NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 800.799.SAFE (7233)

 

[gotprobs]

And this occurred in a short allegedly supervised visit? This seems a little hard to believe. Did you call the police immediately when it was discovered? Have you had him seen by a doctor and provided the detective with medical reports documenting that the injuries were consistent with physical abuse?

No supervised visits have occurred. The judge demanded that I file for divorce in San Diego, but the courthouse told me neither parent had jurisdiction, so I filed in Humboldt. These are all recent incidents, within the past year. He refused to allow me to take my son to the doctor.

And you stayed with him ... because?

I am trying very actively to stay away from him. I am living in a cabin in the woods with no cell service, no internet and no proper address. My location and contact information is entirely secret. He has stolen all of my money repeatedly. He has run up debts with drug dealers and sent them to me to collect. It has resulted in harm. There are police reports. I have supplied them.

I have gone to shelters, but their resources are limited and the legal advice I received was highly questionable since I have not been allowed to provide evidence at the hearings.

I really need to know how to submit evidence. Not even the dozen, or so, lawyers I have met with have not really answered this question other than to say they need approximately $1600 retainer and they will appear at the next hearing.

He made a more detailed confession of rape during the court ordered mediation. He attempted to intimidate me into recanting in front of the mediator then taunted me over it when I refused. Mediation lasted five and a half hours. He controlled the conversation the entire time.

All of this has been included in the police report.

Basically, what you and everyone is saying, is that I shouldn't really expect anything to come of any of my legal actions and that I will have enough evidence to prosecute him once he has murdered me.

He can hurt me and my child in ways unimaginable to most people, steal everything I have ever earned, and then be allowed to hunt me down every time I hide. Then, of course, everyone asks... why don't you just leave?

 

[CdwJava]

No supervised visits have occurred. The judge demanded that I file for divorce in San Diego, but the courthouse told me neither parent had jurisdiction, so I filed in Humboldt. These are all recent incidents, within the past year. He refused to allow me to take my son to the doctor.

That didn't answer my question about the police. Did you report the physical abuse when it occurred to the local agency of jurisdiction? if not, then he could hardly be prosecuted for things that were never reported and if reported now would be highly suspect.

I am trying very actively to stay away from him. I am living in a cabin in the woods with no cell service, no internet and no proper address. My location and contact information is entirely secret. He has stolen all of my money repeatedly. He has run up debts with drug dealers and sent them to me to collect. It has resulted in harm. There are police reports. I have supplied them.

Okay.

I have gone to shelters, but their resources are limited and the legal advice I received was highly questionable since I have not been allowed to provide evidence at the hearings.

WHO has not "allowed" you to provide evidence at a court hearing? Family Courts don't want to hear life stories, but presenting relevant evidence concerning the allegations i usually expected and desired by the court.

I really need to know how to submit evidence. Not even the dozen, or so, lawyers I have met with have not really answered this question other than to say they need approximately $1600 retainer and they will appear at the next hearing.

If you don't know how to proceed in a court matter, then you need that attorney.

He made a more detailed confession of rape during the court ordered mediation. He attempted to intimidate me into recanting in front of the mediator then taunted me over it when I refused. Mediation lasted five and a half hours. He controlled the conversation the entire time.

Sounds like good evidence *IF* he actually admitted to forcing himself on you against his will. But, from what you have written, this does not seem to be exactly what he has said.

Basically, what you and everyone is saying, is that I shouldn't really expect anything to come of any of my legal actions and that I will have enough evidence to prosecute him once he has murdered me.

Not quite what has been said.

Part of the problem is this constant moving around. When you change locations, you confuse the question of jurisdiction. This makes it hard to investigate and follow-up with you. For instance, if you now live incommunicado in the woods, that also means that the police, the DA and the court cannot contact you for follow-up or hearing dates. If they can't reach you, they can't proceed with their case.

The other part of this is that you don't know how the system works. You think that because YOU say he raped you, and you believe he admitted to it, that he raped you. It's not as easy as that. Not to mention the fact that by your own admission on this or the other forum he managed to explain away his actions in some way. This indicates to me that he did NOT admit that he forced you into sex against your will, but that something else happened that made it less clear.

You NEED legal assistance in this and those services I have mentioned have the resources to assist you. But! You have to let them help you and you have to be receptive to suggestions from them even if you don't like them.

I'll ask for the third time: Have you contacted Victim-Witness?

 

[Proserpina]

No supervised visits have occurred. The judge demanded that I file for divorce in San Diego, but the courthouse told me neither parent had jurisdiction, so I filed in Humboldt. These are all recent incidents, within the past year. He refused to allow me to take my son to the doctor.



I am trying very actively to stay away from him. I am living in a cabin in the woods with no cell service, no internet and no proper address. My location and contact information is entirely secret. He has stolen all of my money repeatedly. He has run up debts with drug dealers and sent them to me to collect. It has resulted in harm. There are police reports. I have supplied them.

I have gone to shelters, but their resources are limited and the legal advice I received was highly questionable since I have not been allowed to provide evidence at the hearings.

I really need to know how to submit evidence. Not even the dozen, or so, lawyers I have met with have not really answered this question other than to say they need approximately $1600 retainer and they will appear at the next hearing.

He made a more detailed confession of rape during the court ordered mediation. He attempted to intimidate me into recanting in front of the mediator then taunted me over it when I refused. Mediation lasted five and a half hours. He controlled the conversation the entire time.

All of this has been included in the police report.

Basically, what you and everyone is saying, is that I shouldn't really expect anything to come of any of my legal actions and that I will have enough evidence to prosecute him once he has murdered me.

He can hurt me and my child in ways unimaginable to most people, steal everything I have ever earned, and then be allowed to hunt me down every time I hide. Then, of course, everyone asks... why don't you just leave?

It is not impossible to handle a case pro se. Message boards however cannot walk you through it, and that's not because there aren't enough volunteers or there isn't enough knowledge amongst those volunteers - but rather, we're limited to very general advice because it's the only help we can give.

So, in the hopes that you can at least get a feel for things, you've got some reading to do. Hopefully you can gain some valuable information from these links:

http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/calawquery?codesection=evid

http://www.cand.uscourts.gov/proselitigants

http://www.caed.uscourts.gov/caed/documents/forms/civil/prosepack.pdf

http://www.aallnet.org/chapter/scall/locating/ch9.pdf


In addition, this is a wonderful resource: http://www.aardvarc.org/

Pro bono attorney services:

http://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/probono/directory/california.html

http://www.californiaprobono.org/

Again, it's not impossible to successfully go ahead pro se - but it takes some effort on your part.

 

[Proserpina]

One other thing.

If he is truly living 50% of the time outside the US, Immigration will know about it one way or another.

 

[Ohiogal]

So how old is the child? And why did you stay with him AFTER he impregnated you by raping you? And how was he in charge of the money you earned? And how were drug dealers collecting "debt" from you? I have many more questions but I will start with those.

One thing -- if mediation is considered negotiation, nothing said during negotiation is admissible.