Sexual abuse

[dnb95]

I live in California. I was in a relationship where I was molested 2-3 weekly for a year- year and a half, it finally ended a few months ago. The person would do things to my body, or take parts of my body to touch them while I was asleep, and I woke up to it multiple times. Asking it to stop did not help, and I was mentally abused and manipulated into staying. The only evidence I know of is, is they spoke to therapists about it a few times, all refused to help them, when they found out what he was doing. But I don't know if that will help because of confidentiality. I think this person will do it again to someone else as they showed little remorse. They also have a grandparent in jail for molesting women, so I'm afraid they will end up doing the same. Is there anything I can do it at all? Or is this a lost cause?

 

[eerelations]

How old are you? Who is the person who molested you? Did you report it to the police or CPS (if applicable)? Who was it who spoke to therapists about this?

 

[dnb95]

I'm 21. The person who did this to me was my boyfriend at the time. It started when I was 20. I have not reportef it in fear nothing could be done, it only stopped abut 3 months ago, but I'm worried I'm too late to do so. The person who spoke to therapists was the accused party.

I don't know if it helps but I found a letter from him admitting to doing it.

 

[CdwJava]

Were the two of you living together and/or being intimate during the period of time that this was happening? If so,that could create all manner of problems in any attempt to seek prosecution.

About all you can do at this point is report it to the police and see what they have to say. Depending on the nature of the acts, they may be able to proceed or they may not. Proof will be a problem even with a letter admitting that he fondled you - especially if you knew about it and never said anything and continued to be intimate with him afterwards.

There could be other difficulties as well.

You should also consider speaking with a therapist to help you work through the issues that allowed this to happen and to remain with this person.

 

[eerelations]

Were the two of you living together and/or being intimate during the period of time that this was happening? If so,that could create all manner of problems in any attempt to seek prosecution.

About all you can do at this point is report it to the police and see what they have to say. Depending on the nature of the acts, they may be able to proceed or they may not. Proof will be a problem even with a letter admitting that he fondled you - especially if you knew about it and never said anything and continued to be intimate with him afterwards.

There could be other difficulties as well.

You should also consider speaking with a therapist to help you work through the issues that allowed this to happen and to remain with this person.

Like button.

 

[dnb95]

We lived together, but stopped sleeping in the same bed for the last few months of the relationship. We were intimate very rarely, maybe a total of 3 times since it began, but those instances never got very far due to me being uncomfortable and because I felt forced into it. I know that they complained to several people that we didn't have intercourse, so he can't deny I was uncomfortable with him.

I also did not just say nothing about it. I constantly told him no, and told a friend about it at one point, ans spoke about it in a suppprt chat room. When I tried to leave or asked him to leave, he would threaten to hurt himself, once threatened to hurt me, and would cut himself in front of me and there's scars on his body to prove that much. so I stayed with him out of fear, and at the time I was afraid if I told the police about this, he would hurt me or himself.

Also, I'm afraid for my saftey, if I go to the police and they decide they want to talk to him, but nothing comes out of it, he might come after me since he was threatening in the past. The reason I'm asked this question is because I don't know if it's worth putting myself in jeopardy. If he were to be prosecuted, I know I would have some saftey from the law at least, but otherwise I don't know if I'm going to be safe.

 

[CdwJava]

I also did not just say nothing about it. I constantly told him no, and told a friend about it at one point, ans spoke about it in a suppprt chat room. When I tried to leave or asked him to leave, he would threaten to hurt himself, once threatened to hurt me, and would cut himself in front of me and there's scars on his body to prove that much. so I stayed with him out of fear, and at the time I was afraid if I told the police about this, he would hurt me or himself.

Unfortunately, that failure to report any abuse or sexual misconduct MAY play against you in court. Especially if he denies any of it. While the feelings you describe can be common in domestic violence relationships, the fact that the two of you lived together for so long, ostensibly as boyfriend and girlfriend, may be used to cast some measure of reasonable doubt on any unwanted fondling.

And, of course, the exact nature of the touching alleged will play into the exact nature of any potential charges.

Also, I'm afraid for my saftey, if I go to the police and they decide they want to talk to him, but nothing comes out of it, he might come after me since he was threatening in the past.

The only way for the police to investigate is for you to report it. As part of their investigation they WILL talk to him. You can also apply for a restraining order if you are afraid for your safety.

The reason I'm asked this question is because I don't know if it's worth putting myself in jeopardy. If he were to be prosecuted, I know I would have some saftey from the law at least, but otherwise I don't know if I'm going to be safe.

No one can tell you whether it is "worth" prosecuting him or not.

In addition to therapy, I would recommend you speak to a domestic violence counselor or advocate. That individual could probably provide you some better direction on your options and how the local court system might play out if this is investigated.

 

[dnb95]

Okay, thank you for the advice.

 

[Dandy Don]

Please contact a local social services government agency or do a GOOGLE search or the mayor's office or contact a family law attorney to find out if there are any support groups or organizations in your city who counsel people like you in regards to sexual abuse and/or domestic violence. Nowadays there are many people available to help.