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  1. #1
    ResponsibleOne is offline Junior Member
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    Spanking of 11 year old in the nude!

    What is the name of your state? AZ
    I currently have sole legal/physicl custody of my son, child got in trouble at school on Monday for not following directions. Father and I have had conversations regarding him punishing the child for things he has done while he was with me (at this point I have already punished him for his action so child is being punished twice). Anyway, child got in trouble at school on Monday, teacher called and told both parents.

    When I picked my son up from school that day I punished him. Father decided that when he picked our son up on Wed for his scheduled parenting time it was appropriate to spank the 11 year old completely nude for his behavior two/three days prior. During this spanking I was told by my son that he was hit in the head twice and told that for here on out he would be getting the same type of punishment when ever the dad got a bad report from the teachers.

    Upon questioning my son further I found out that this actually has been going on for a while. I communicated with father telling him that I think this is very inappropriate and that he has me concerned. Told father that I do not want him hitting our son again. Father has told me he has a right to punish his son the way that he see's fit and will take my comments under suggestion.

    Can I stop him from hitting my son? Because I have sole custody can I tell him that I don 't want this happening and inforce it.
  2. #2
    Shay-Pari'e is offline Senior Member
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    Call CPS, that is the only way you can protect your son from being hit in the head. I don't condone the nude spanking, but I'm not sure if that would be abuse.

    Someone else here may know.
  3. #3
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    at 11 years old I am thinking the nude spanking could very well be seen as abusive, it's humiliating and unnecessary I would let cps know about that as well, there is no reason to spank a child on their bare skin, and there is surely no reason to make them completely undress for it. and the fact that it is two days later is makes it a spanking for the purpose of giving a spanking not for correcting behavior.
  4. #4
    racer72 is offline Senior Member
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    That is child abuse pure and simple. Call the police and CPS immediately. If a someone such as a school official was to find out and report it before you do, both you and the boy's father will be in deep doodoo.
    If you feel my answer is rude, mean, snarky or in anyway not to your liking, I did my job. You don't need to tell me.

    No private messages, I do not reply to them.
  5. #5
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    FIrst of all, YOU have no right to tell the father how to punish HIS OWN child, just as he has no right telling you how to do so.

    Also, since you did not feel the need to explain what, if any, injuries this child sustained, the ONLY valid legal opinion that can be offered is that there is no case for calling CPS, reporting anything to the POLICE or anything else for that matter.

    The courts will NOT interfere with a partent's right to discipline their own child, save a danger to the child.
  6. #6
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    You are already in a custody dispute with your ex, the child is getting into trouble at school, you are trying to inflame our sensitivities, CPS will see right through your plot. You have other issues that I have not brought up. Your child needs a relationship with his father and to have structure and consistancy, playing games or encouraging your son to manipulate his parents is not a good idea. Remember nothing is set in stone with your concliator's report and things can change.
  7. #7
    howamidoing is offline Member
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    Being a former DFS worker, the spanking would not be an issue. Hitting him in the head and him being nude would be something to look into. During my employ at DFS we had similar cases and children were removed, you must remember however that all cases are different. You did not say if other people were around when the child was standing there nude. I personally would not allow him being nude, or being hit in the head. However, the father has a right to punish his child. As long as he does it according to the law. It is your call Mom. I would not allow it myself.
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Well, another question is who you heard this from. Did your son recount it to you? Or the ex? Or do you have other "witnesses"? Frankly, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with either or both parents disciplining a child for a transgression of the rules.
  9. #9
    Curt581 is offline Senior Member
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    I foresee major problems with your son in the future.

    Getting in a dispute with the father over how he punishes will have the result of showing your son how to play one parent off against the other. Especially if you get CPS involved. He's 11 now... what do you think will happen when he's 16? What will you do when the son calls CPS on you for doing something he doesn't like?

    He's got problems now, probably stemming from the divorce and day to day separation from his father. At minimum, your son needs counseling for that alone.

    He also needs two parents who are willing to work together to provide structure and consistency in his life. If you two keep battling over parenting philosophy, he's not going to get that.

    The father's actions may or may not have been "over-the-top", but you can't use this as yet another reason to go to battle with his father. You have to work with the father, and both have to compromise and agree on how things are handled.

    If you two continue on the path you're on, you will be creating a monster. And you'll have NO ONE to blame but yourselves
  10. #10
    HomeGuru is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ResponsibleOne
    What is the name of your state? AZ
    I currently have sole legal/physicl custody of my son, child got in trouble at school on Monday for not following directions. Father and I have had conversations regarding him punishing the child for things he has done while he was with me (at this point I have already punished him for his action so child is being punished twice). Anyway, child got in trouble at school on Monday, teacher called and told both parents.

    When I picked my son up from school that day I punished him. Father decided that when he picked our son up on Wed for his scheduled parenting time it was appropriate to spank the 11 year old completely nude for his behavior two/three days prior. During this spanking I was told by my son that he was hit in the head twice and told that for here on out he would be getting the same type of punishment when ever the dad got a bad report from the teachers.

    Upon questioning my son further I found out that this actually has been going on for a while. I communicated with father telling him that I think this is very inappropriate and that he has me concerned. Told father that I do not want him hitting our son again. Father has told me he has a right to punish his son the way that he see's fit and will take my comments under suggestion.

    Can I stop him from hitting my son? Because I have sole custody can I tell him that I don 't want this happening and inforce it.

    **A: what are you waiting for. Call the police.
  11. #11
    Jay2 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by howamidoing
    Being a former DFS worker, the spanking would not be an issue. Hitting him in the head and him being nude would be something to look into. During my employ at DFS we had similar cases and children were removed, you must remember however that all cases are different. You did not say if other people were around when the child was standing there nude. I personally would not allow him being nude, or being hit in the head. However, the father has a right to punish his child. As long as he does it according to the law. It is your call Mom. I would not allow it myself.

    Listen to this person. They sound like they know what they are saying, and it sounds right. It sounds like the farther is breaking the law. Hitting him in the head? I'm pretty sure thats against the law. Unless it was a slap. As for the child being fully nude... does this farther have a thing for little boys? I can see no reason for the child to be fully nude. I remember when i got spanked for doing stupid stuff. My mom didn't even pull my pants down she just spanked my through the pants... althought sometimes I did do something really bad and had the pants pulled down. So yea I would definatly call someone, either the police, CPS, or whom ever it would help to call. Also you may want to consult your lawyer.
  12. #12
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    Folks, please read this thread for more background. This is a child with behavioral problems, not on medication and the father is being denied time that would otherwise be available for visitation in lieu of child care. Mom is looking for reasons to deny parenting time to Dad, when dad is willing and available to care for the child, instead, the child is sent home anyway because of behavior just not to dad!
    [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=248190[/url]
  13. #13
    howamidoing is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2
    Well, another question is who you heard this from. Did your son recount it to you? Or the ex? Or do you have other "witnesses"? Frankly, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with either or both parents disciplining a child for a transgression of the rules.
    I dont think the issue is as much about the disciplining as it is about the form, ie...in the nude and hitting him in the head. Regardless of what the kid did, he shouldn't be hit in the head. . I'm not taking sides I'm just saying personal issues aside, a child shouldn't be smacked in the head in the nude.
    Last edited by howamidoing; 06-03-2005 at 11:22 PM.
  14. #14
    rmet4nzkx is offline Senior Member
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    We don't know the accuracy of this report or the circumstances, we are presented with an inflamatory report by a biased and motovated party with an agenda.
  15. #15
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by howamidoing
    I dont think the issue is as much about the disciplining as it is about the form, ie...in the nude and hitting him in the head. Regardless of what the kid did, he shouldn't be hit in the head. . I'm not taking sides I'm just saying personal issues aside, a child shouldn't be smacked in the head in the nude.
    The point, however, is there's no way of knowing how much of it is accurate and how much isn't if the only account is from the child - who may have already been ticked off at Dad for the second punishment. Kids have been known to embroider the truth a fair bit.

    Mom addressed the issue with Dad, who said he would take her input under advisement. There was no mention of whether Dad admitted, denied, or what.

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