Threatend with an Order of Protection

[Keith D]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I am a 51 yr old, professional male. I've always been an honest, respectful, hardworking, law abiding citizen and the worst thing I've ever done is get a speeding ticket.

My problem is a bit unusual in that my girlfriend is 18. She's very mature for her age. She is currently living with her parents and attending college. We know our situation is not normal, but we love and respect each each other very much and do not believe that even though there is a huge age difference that loving each other is against the law. When she told her parents about us, they and a family friend who is a detective called me and threatened to get an order of protection against me if I ever contact her again. They claim she has a mental disability. I can understand how they are concerned, but do not believe they can really do this. She has seen a therapist from time to time and as been on some medication from time to time to help her focus as well, but prefers not to take it. I do not believe she has a mental disability. She's a very intelligent individual living a normal life and attending college.

From a legal perspective, what does it really mean to have a mental disability? What are the determining factors? If the detective knowing lied about my girlfriends having a mental disability and made threats of an order of protection against me, did he do anything wrong? I know he's intentions are probably good, but I do not believe his actions are ethical.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Hisbabygirl77]

Originally Posted by Keith D

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I am a 51 yr old, professional male. I've always been an honest, respectful, hardworking, law abiding citizen and the worst thing I've ever done is get a speeding ticket.

My problem is a bit unusual in that my girlfriend is 18. She's very mature for her age. She is currently living with her parents and attending college. We know our situation is not normal, but we love and respect each each other very much and do not believe that even though there is a huge age difference that loving each other is against the law. When she told her parents about us, they and a family friend who is a detective called me and threatened to get an order of protection against me if I ever contact her again. They claim she has a mental disability. I can understand how they are concerned, but do not believe they can really do this. She has seen a therapist from time to time and as been on some medication from time to time to help her focus as well, but prefers not to take it. I do not believe she has a mental disability. She's a very intelligent individual living a normal life and attending college.

From a legal perspective, what does it really mean to have a mental disability? What are the determining factors? If the detective knowing lied about my girlfriends having a mental disability and made threats of an order of protection against me, did he do anything wrong? I know he's intentions are probably good, but I do not believe his actions are ethical.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Honestly it depends on the extent of her mental disability. Did they say if she was diagnosed SMI? Although I tend to believe she may be if she is dating a 51 year old and she is 18 Ok fine thats not a deciding factor but still....yuck. Are her parents her legal guardians?

[Keith D]

She is not SMI. Not even remotely. She is a normal, mature, very intelligent (well above normal), healthy young woman. She's still living with her parents while she's attending college. She's 18 and they are not her legal guardians.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Keith D

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

I am a 51 yr old, professional male. I've always been an honest, respectful, hardworking, law abiding citizen and the worst thing I've ever done is get a speeding ticket.

My problem is a bit unusual in that my girlfriend is 18. She's very mature for her age. She is currently living with her parents and attending college. We know our situation is not normal, but we love and respect each each other very much and do not believe that even though there is a huge age difference that loving each other is against the law. When she told her parents about us, they and a family friend who is a detective called me and threatened to get an order of protection against me if I ever contact her again. They claim she has a mental disability. I can understand how they are concerned, but do not believe they can really do this. She has seen a therapist from time to time and as been on some medication from time to time to help her focus as well, but prefers not to take it. I do not believe she has a mental disability. She's a very intelligent individual living a normal life and attending college.

From a legal perspective, what does it really mean to have a mental disability? What are the determining factors? If the detective knowing lied about my girlfriends having a mental disability and made threats of an order of protection against me, did he do anything wrong? I know he's intentions are probably good, but I do not believe his actions are ethical.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

The burden of proof would be on them to prove that not only is the mental condition present but also that the nature of the condition either renders her a "vulnerable adult" and/or incapable of making her own decisions.

Unless the detective is also a psychiatrist and has examined your girlfriend he can neither diagnose nor make conclusive statements about her mentality and/or psychiatric health (although he can make note of anything her parents tell him about their daughter).

So. What is the nature of their allegation exactly?

[Keith D]

Thank you for your reply. It's been helpful. My girlfriend is a very open and honest person. Originally she thought she wanted to wait to tell her parents about us, but decided she didn't want to hide us and she wanted to give them the courtesy of knowing about our relationship. When telling them, they asked her more about me, the relationship and if we had been intimate. She told them everything about us explained to them that we had been intimate.

The allegation made by the detective is this "She is seeing a psychiatrist and on medication and is easily manipulated." He then said "She has a mental disability. Because you didn't know this before, you didn't really do anything wrong, but had you known, it would have been sexual assault. Now that you know this, if you continue this relationship, you will be committing sexual assault. Your probably a good person with good intentions. You have a good job, you don't want any trouble. This is just a friendly conversation to nip this in the bud and stop it right here." It bothered me when he made this statement. I know enough about the law that it wouldn't matter if I had knowledge or not, I would still be guilty. The other thing that bothers me is that an officer of the law made these false claims and threats to me. He's a friend of the family and knows full well that my girlfriend is not a "vulnerable adult". Can he really get away with doing what he did to a law abiding citizen?

I know for a fact that she is not even remotely a "vulnerable adult". Her parents are not her legal guardians so I'm almost certain they can not do what they claim and it was a threat intended to scare me away. My concern is what her parents may do or try to do, either to myself or my girlfriend to keep us apart.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Keith D

Thank you for your reply. It's been helpful. My girlfriend is a very open and honest person. Originally she thought she wanted to wait to tell her parents about us, but decided she didn't want to hide us and she wanted to give them the courtesy of knowing about our relationship. When telling them, they asked her more about me, the relationship and if we had been intimate. She told them everything about us explained to them that we had been intimate.

The allegation made by the detective is this "She is seeing a psychiatrist and on medication and is easily manipulated." He then said "She has a mental disability. Because you didn't know this before, you didn't really do anything wrong, but had you known, it would have been sexual assault. Now that you know this, if you continue this relationship, you will be committing sexual assault. Your probably a good person with good intentions. You have a good job, you don't want any trouble. This is just a friendly conversation to nip this in the bud and stop it right here." It bothered me when he made this statement. I know enough about the law that it wouldn't matter if I had knowledge or not, I would still be guilty. The other thing that bothers me is that an officer of the law made these false claims and threats to me. He's a friend of the family and knows full well that my girlfriend is not a "vulnerable adult". Can he really get away with doing what he did to a law abiding citizen?

I know for a fact that she is not even remotely a "vulnerable adult". Her parents are not her legal guardians so I'm almost certain they can not do what they claim and it was a threat intended to scare me away. My concern is what her parents may do or try to do, either to myself or my girlfriend to keep us apart.

You are dating a child..basically. She may be 18, but she is still a child. Her family doesn't want you around her and are doing what they can to try to stop the relationship.

You are more than old enough to be her father, and almost old enough to be her grandfather. Do you really feel that its in her best interest to be involved with you? If she were YOUR daughter, how would you feel about the relationship?

Stop trying to make her grow up too fast and let her live the kind of life that she should be living at 18 years old.

[Keith D]

Well... we both realize there is a huge difference in age. I'm hardly old enough to be her grandfather, but certainly am old enough to be her father. We understand how the general society views this sort of thing, but the beauty of this world is that one size doesn't fit all. How old is to old and how young is to young? The fact is, there is no definitive answer to that question. Every situation and everyone is different (thank God). We know this is not easy or a popular position we have placed ourselves in.

The fact of the matter is she has never been very interested in younger men. She has usually dated considerably older guys, although up till now, no one near my age. She has known for a long time that ultimately she wanted to end up with someone who would be old enough to be her father. Her only age limit was no one older then her parents. That's what she is attracted to and the type of man she wishes to be with. I initially did not pursue this relationship because of the age difference. We have had many discussions concerning the reality of what this means for both of us now and in the future as I get older. We are both fully aware and accept these challenges.

[Blue Meanie]

Originally Posted by Keith D

Well... we both realize there is a huge difference in age. I'm hardly old enough to be her grandfather, but certainly am old enough to be her father. We understand how the general society views this sort of thing, but the beauty of this world is that one size doesn't fit all. How old is to old and how young is to young? The fact is, there is no definitive answer to that question. Every situation and everyone is different (thank God). We know this is not easy or a popular position we have placed ourselves in.

The fact of the matter is she has never been very interested in younger men. She has usually dated considerably older guys, although up till now, no one near my age. She has known for a long time that ultimately she wanted to end up with someone who would be old enough to be her father. Her only age limit was no one older then her parents. That's what she is attracted to and the type of man she wishes to be with. I initially did not pursue this relationship because of the age difference. We have had many discussions concerning the reality of what this means for both of us now and in the future as I get older. We are both fully aware and accept these challenges.

Does this forum need to help this pervert with his legal issues? Really? Why doesn't Gramps go hire an attorney to help him molest the little girl??

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I'm with you on that Blue - and yes, OP - you are DEFINITELY old enough to be her Grandfather. Gross.