Threatened by mother-in-law: can I get a restraining order?

[llowwelll]

Hello all,

I live in Washington State. To make a long, Jerry Springer-esque story short, my wife's mental and emotional condition has fallen off a cliff over the last several months. She is an alcoholic and abuses prescription drugs in addition to probably being in the throes of some form of personality disorder or mental illness. There have been many incidents including prescription fraud, supplying alcohol to minors, screaming at neighbors and our son and I, out-of-control spending, driving drunk with our son (didn't get caught), disappearing for days at a time, etc, etc.

A few weeks ago, my wife was on the phone with my mother-in-law, who lives in Oregon, berating me; talking about how controlling and abusive I am (I don't control or abuse her). It was obvious by the tone of the conversation that her mother was feeding her fire and agreeing with her. In response to this, I began speaking and raised my voice loud enough for her mother to hear on the other end of the phone. I asked questions like, "Does your mom know how many hundreds of dollars you spend every month on prescription drugs, wine, and cigarettes? Does your mom know that you committed prescription fraud? Does your mom know that you supplied alcohol to minors? Does your mom know about the cocaine?" Etc? Etc?

Her mother, who considers herself a very devout Baptist, replied to me (through my wife), "Shut up, before I send someone up there to take care of you." I was shocked. I thought that her mom might respond by actually being concerned about her daughter's out-of-control behavior as opposed to threatening me. I asked to clarify; I asked if she really just threatened me. She replied again, "You better shut up, or I'll send somebody up there to take care of you." At that point, I did shut up, in utter shock and disbelief.

My wife's mom is 63 years old, obese, not terribly mentally stable (history of depression and Munchausen syndrome), and lives in a trailer home on Social Security. I don't know who she knows and who she may or may not be able to convince to "come take care of me". My wife, for example, was involved with not-so-nice people before I met her. Could me wife and her mom collude with some of her old contacts? While I'm not terribly fearful, I did jolt out of bed last night when the breeze caused the door to slam shut as I slept, thinking it may have been someone sent by her. I've started sleeping with a machete under the bed as well. This has created some degree of genuine fear for me.

My question is can I get a restraining order imposed on her mom? One of my major concerns is that our son, who is eight, not have any contact with someone who is capable of threatening others with serious physical harm. My wife says she is going to take him down to see her mom in a week or two. I don't want my son to have anything to do with this woman. If I got a restraining order against her mom would it prevent her from having contact with our son as well? How would I go about getting the restraining order? Would it apply in both Oregon and Washington state?

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

[Shay-Pari'e]

[quote=llowwelll;1649303]Hello all,

I live in Washington State. To make a long, Jerry Springer-esque story short, my wife's mental and emotional condition has fallen off a cliff over the last several months. She is an alcoholic and abuses prescription drugs in addition to probably being in the throes of some form of personality disorder or mental illness. There have been many incidents including prescription fraud, supplying alcohol to minors, screaming at neighbors and our son and I, out-of-control spending, driving drunk with our son (didn't get caught), disappearing for days at a time, etc, etc.

A few weeks ago, my wife was on the phone with my mother-in-law, who lives in Oregon, berating me; talking about how controlling and abusive I am (I don't control or abuse her). It was obvious by the tone of the conversation that her mother was feeding her fire and agreeing with her. In response to this, I began speaking and raised my voice loud enough for her mother to hear on the other end of the phone. I asked questions like, "Does your mom know how many hundreds of dollars you spend every month on prescription drugs, wine, and cigarettes? Does your mom know that you committed prescription fraud? Does your mom know that you supplied alcohol to minors? Does your mom know about the cocaine?" Etc? Etc?

Her mother, who considers herself a very devout Baptist, replied to me (through my wife), "Shut up, beofre I send someone up there to take care of you." I was shocked. I thought that her mom might respond by actually being concerned about her daughter's out-of-control behavior as opposed to threatening me. I asked to clarify; I asked if she really just threatened me. She replied again, "You better shut up, or I'll send somebody up there to take care of you." At that point, I did shut up, in utter shock and disbelief.

My wife's mom is 63 years old, obese, not terribly mentally stable (history of depression and Munchausen syndrome), and lives in a trailer home on Social Security. I don't know who she knows and who she may or may not be able to convince to "come take care of me". My wife, for example, was involved with not-so-nice people before I met her. Could me wife and my mom collude with some of her old contacts? While I'm not terribly fearful, I did jolt out of bed last night when the breeze caused the door to slam shut as I slept, thinking it may have been someone sent by her. I've started sleeping with a machete under the bed as well. This has created some degree of genuine fear for me.

My question is can I get a restraining order imposed on her mom? One of my major concerns is that our son, who is eight, not have any contact with someone who is capable of threatening others with serious physical harm. My wife says she is going to take him down to see her mom in a week or two. I don't want my son to have anything to do with this woman. If I got a restraining order against her mom would it prevent her from having contact with our son as well? How would I go about getting the restraining order? Would it apply in both Oregon and Washington state?

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

I doubt you will be able to get a restraining order on her mom, unless you can prove the harrassment.

Don't you think your wife needs more help than her mother? Get your kids out of this mess.

You are sleeping with a machete under your pillow with a druggie alcoholic wife?

This has to be a joke, or you need to all be on Springer.

[llowwelll]

Unfortunately, it's not a joke. Believe me, I know how it all sounds.

I'd love to get out. At the moment, I'm caught in the middle of a moral struggle in my mind between my faith, which requires me to stay with her unless she commits adultery, and the rational part of me, which wants out yesterday.

Yes, I do think my wife needs A TON of help. She is seeing a therapist. However, she has been seeing her since January with nothing but continued deterioration in her mental and emotional state. My wife does not tell her therapist the whole story. I talked to her therapist one time a few weeks ago. I told her about my wife's abuse of prescription drugs and alcohol: she didn't know anything about that behavior from my wife. Her therapist has referred her to a psychiatrist now.

I don't have any evidence of harassment from my mother-in-law besides having heard what was said. I realize that this would boil down to a one person's word vs another person's word situation. My guess is that both my wife and her mother would lie if questioned about it.

[BL]

For all we know , you could be a paranoid scitsophrantic .

[CdwJava]

If things are as you say, hopefully CPS will intervene to make the child safe before this situation blows up even further.

If your "faith" says you should stay together, fine. But I don't know of any faith that says your child should be at risk. And what faith says you need to risk your life? You can support her and be faithful to her without putting your life at risk.

That is ... IF this situation is as you say.

- Carl

[llowwelll]

Blond Lebineses: you're right, for all you know, I could be a paranoid schizophrenic. I don't think I am. No one has ever suggested that I might be. I heard what I heard from my mother-in-law. Given the instability of both my mother-in-law and wife, it does scare me to a degree. You hear stories of wives who lose it and end up hurting their husbands while they sleep. You hear stories of wives who hire hit men. In my normal sphere of reality, I might think this story sounds like a joke as well. It's not a joke. In reality, there may not be a threat at all. My mother-in-law may have simply been blowing off steam. The point is, I don't know what she was thinking or intending. She has emotional problems and so does my wife (along with substance abuse issues). That scares me.

CdwJava: the situation is as I explained it. Why would I come on this board anonymously and attempt to get accurate advice for my real-life situation if I was dishonest about the details? What would I stand to gain? As far as my faith goes, that's an issue I'm trying to resolve. I'm not sure that my faith does require me to put my life at risk for my wife in this situation. On the other hand, I'm not sure that it doesn't require me to stay. This is a very difficult situation. I've been talking to several pastors, priests, friends, family members, and counselors about it.

[CdwJava]

Originally Posted by llowwelll

CdwJava: the situation is as I explained it. Why would I come on this board anonymously and attempt to get accurate advice for my real-life situation if I was dishonest about the details?

Very often people seek affirmation and sympathy, not advice.

Outside the faith issue, the legal issue here is that if you knowingly permit your child to remain in an environment where he or she is at risk, then you could be guilty of child endangerment. If nothing else, consider sending the child away while you deal with your wife.

- Carl

[Ozark_Sophist]

Why were you listening to your wife's conversation with her mother? Sounds controlling (been there, seen that). No wonder she disrespected you on the phone.

You aren't going to fix an addict by attempting to poison her relationship with her family. In court, a judge may see that as you attempting to alienate her from her family.

If you were serious about engaging the support of your wife's mother, you need to document the addiction problem and present evidence to her in a non-judgmental way.