verbal, emotional, mental abuse

[gonnabefree]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

how much weight if any does emotional, verbal, and mental abuse carry in Ohio? STBX claims he did not verbally abuse me ever because for it to be verbal abuse he would have to stand over me with a hammer and threaten to kill me, this his says came from the prosecuting attorney.

He has called me a b*****, a stupe, hollers at the way I clean house(never good enough) says all I do is sit on my fat a**.

He is an over the road trucker and is gone all week all responsibilities with children are mine-such as getting them to practices, school etc.

He told 13 year old son back in may to get his f****** a** face in the house and he never wanted to see his f****** a** face outside again. This was all because the 13 yr old wasn't trimming the grass to suit him( 13 yr old had never trimmed before)

This was just one of his out breaks, always calling names when things don't go his way.

After the above incident he threw 2 bikes out of the garage and said get these out of MY garage, i went to put them in our other garage and he said I don't want them in there, so now the bikes are out in the treehouse

I have written down in a journal since Sept of 2000 when he goes on his rampages.

We are in the process of divorce, he is still residing here but has been on good behavior pretty much since sept. only one time has he gotten angry with the children and that was after our pre-trial .

The night before it he told the children that I wouldn't be fit to be around if I lost the next day-that is if I got to come home because I was probably going to jail for lying to the court. I wrote it down and gave it to my attorney and she showed it to his and I believe his attorney must have chewed him our about it. He hollered at the children when he got home and said do you have to tell your mommy everything. Oh yeah he didn't have to show at pre-trial because he was a trucker and on the road-funny he was home the night before and then was home the day of pre-trial at 3:40. Pre-trial was at 9:30 am.

I guess my question is how much weight does the verbal abuse tome and the children carry in a divorce proceeding and his visitation( he attorney stated at pre-trial he does not want custody)

Thanks for your replies

 

[gonnabefree]

anyone??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

[stealth2]

So how are you going to prove all this?

 

[VeronicaGia]

And what is your point in proving it? Isn't IN a no-fault state?

Are you trying to prove this to get the divorce? Or are you trying to prove this to get the house, alimony, sole legal and physical custody of the kids, etc?

 

[gonnabefree]

First of all read the state it is Ohio, there really isn't a custody issue as he is an over the road trucker and his attorney stated at pre trrial he didn't want custody but wants to make sure he gets visitation when he wants. I just want him to get help he does not think he has a problem. I have a journal I have been keeping since 2000 of all the abusive statements he has made. you don't tell your 13 year old son to get his f****** a** face in the house and you never want to see his F****** a** face outside again, because the kid can't trim to your obsessive complusive syndrome perfection.

 

[stealth2]

So how are you going to prove all this?

 

[VeronicaGia]

First of all read the state it is Ohio, there really isn't a custody issue as he is an over the road trucker and his attorney stated at pre trrial he didn't want custody but wants to make sure he gets visitation when he wants. I just want him to get help he does not think he has a problem. I have a journal I have been keeping since 2000 of all the abusive statements he has made. you don't tell your 13 year old son to get his f****** a** face in the house and you never want to see his F****** a** face outside again, because the kid can't trim to your obsessive complusive syndrome perfection.

Missed OH, sorry about that.

And once again, what is your point? WHY do you want or need to prove all this? To force him to get help? Do you think forcing help on someone who doesn't want it (or doesn't think he needs it) is going to accomplish something?

 

[gonnabefree]

What I want to prove is that the end of this marriage is mostlty his fault, he takes no responsibility for any actions. He blamed wrecking his semi on me, it happened in St. Louis I was at work in Ohio. I feel he is mentally unstable and I really don't want children having unsupervised visits with him, one never knows when he is going to go off. One time it could be one thing the next time something else. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse do lead to physical abuse and with his temper and the way things are proceeding I don't think it will be long until he diplays this type of abuse.

I relly jsut want the jusge to be aware of his temper, I have journals I have kept since 2000 document ing all this, of course you can say well it is his word against yorus which I realize, but there is no way in h*** that I could make up four years of stuff that he has said and done.

 

[VeronicaGia]

What I want to prove is that the end of this marriage is mostlty his fault, he takes no responsibility for any actions. He blamed wrecking his semi on me, it happened in St. Louis I was at work in Ohio. I feel he is mentally unstable and I really don't want children having unsupervised visits with him, one never knows when he is going to go off. One time it could be one thing the next time something else. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse do lead to physical abuse and with his temper and the way things are proceeding I don't think it will be long until he diplays this type of abuse.

I relly jsut want the jusge to be aware of his temper, I have journals I have kept since 2000 document ing all this, of course you can say well it is his word against yorus which I realize, but there is no way in h*** that I could make up four years of stuff that he has said and done.

You've got big problems here. You have a 13 year old child with this person so you've been with him for 14 years (at least). Now you've decided he shouldn't have the right to continue being the parent of these kids after all these years, and shouldn't be given unsupervised visits with kids he has lived with their whole lives.

Who knows what a judge will rule, but IMHO, you've allowed this for years and now want payback. And it is your word against his, journal or not, and even in the last four years that you've kept the journal, you've stayed with him.

 

[stealth2]

What I want to prove is that the end of this marriage is mostlty his fault, he takes no responsibility for any actions.

And that's totally meaningless, anyway. You're not in a fault state, so you don't need to prove fault. Your journal? Pretty much does nothing more than tell your side of the story. The truth is usually somewhere between your side of the story and his. Or is it that, at some point, you want to be able to tell the kids that it was mostly his fault?

VG also makes an excellent point. You've put up with this for a long time. Now, yes, sometimes it is very hard to get out of this sort of relationship (BTDT), but you started "documenting" it 4 years ago so you obviously had a clue that you were ending things. And still kept the kids in the situation you now say is detrimental to them.

Your ex is pretty likely going to get unsupervised visitation. YOu may as well start preparing yourself for that eventuality.

 

[gonnabefree]

"Now you've decided he shouldn't have the right to continue being the parent of these kids after all these years, and shouldn't be given unsupervised visits with kids he has lived with their whole lives."


Fact is he has not been a parent all these years, fact is he is over the road trucker and wehen he was home he did not parent. fact is he wrecked his truck and was off for 3 weeks, who ran the kids my aunt and I he wouldn't, fact is he was home for all but 2 of DS football games how many did he show up for fact is ZEROI. Fact is this summer when he was having truck repaired DD 10 needed a ride home from her softball game ( I couldn't make it to all of them because they were on mornings weh I worked, but came to smost of them and used my lunch time) fact is he said he couldn't pick her up or go to the game becasue he had to ick his truck up, fact is he was sitting here when she left and was sitting in the same spot when she returned. Do you want me to go on. He has never been a parent even when he has been home -in fact when our DS 17 was in junior high, his classmates didn't think he had a dad, because he never did anything out inpublic with his kids. FACTS< FACTS< FACTS>

 

[stealth2]

So I'll ask it again - how do you intend to prove all of this? Your journal may well be considered hearsay and therefore inadmissible.

 

[Cindergretta]

i have heard of journals being used in addition to alot of other things, because you need dates/times of incidents. BUT, have you gone to any counseling because of your husbands behavior? has he driven you to any diagnosed behavior, such as depression, adjustment disorder, etc? any police reports? any eye witness accounts? any video proof of his behavior? are you children being seen by any specialists for the way he treats them? from what i have head about unsupervised visits, you can only get them if there is "proven" evidence of abuse. like if he is punching the child or abusing them in some other way. a father can pretty much threaten to kill his child and not get supervised visits. they base so much abuse stuff on the physical and not the mental. though the mental is often worse than the physical. if he is a truck driver and he is not going to be home much, then i wouldn't be worried if he was going to get custody and since he doesn't want custody of the kids then that is one less thing for you to worry about. i have heard of women submitting documented abuse, journals with dates/times when it comes time to decide custody and the judge taking that into consideration. i too, was an in "severe emotional" abuse situaiton, but luckily we are getting divorced and life is so much better. i understand what you are talking about with concerns of your children.

 

[gonnabefree]

Thanks Cinder-soem people just don't understand unless they have been through it, and yes I stayed stayed for a long time, I guess I really ddin't know it was abuse, but Ido no. As far as the children DS 17 (18 in May is his fathers' favorite, very rarely does stbx get angry with him, he does notwrong, but he also will help him work on the truck) DS 13 does not get along with father, father has been mean and degrading to him all of his life, DS 13 will not and does not like to work on the truck, DS 13 says he will tell the judge his father is an ass hole and he wants no part of him. DD 10 well let's just say she likes to talk and stbx knows this so likes to get her alone, she likes to please everyone so she will talk. My attorney says we can submitt the journals to the judge, I know the kids have to go with him but if there is such hatred I don't think they should have to. JMHO, why should he get to be a father now, when he has not been a father in the first place.


He has been ordered to pay me support even though he is still living here, it was 500.00 immediately and 500 by 12-15 and then 500 by 15th of every month , he has given me 50.00 to date and has filed for an oral heartin, says he doesn't have it, i think he ihiding it, says it costs 1500.00 a week to run the semi on now.

 

[stealth2]

Well, some people who have been through it understand all too well - including how the legal system works. Just because you can submit your journal does not mean the judge has to accept it as evidence.