verbally abusive husband

[eveelynn]

Both my husband and I live in Wisconsin. My husband has been verbally and physically abusive during our marriage. We have been separated for two and a half years, and we are presently going through a divorce.

My husband is an alcoholic, although his abuse has always occured while he was sober. We are divorcing because I couldn't live with the abuse any longer.

Since our separation, he has continued to be verbally abusive. When he calls on the phone to talk to our daughter, he becomes verbally abusive with me, calling me names, accusing me of being an irresponsible parent whenever I disagree with him on any issue, calling me names like "stupid" and "fat pig", etc.. I've tried to stay composed during his abuse, although it's very hard, I'm afraid that anything I say back in defense could be used against me if I appear angry. So I stay composed and address his abuse instead, which only seems to make him angrier. The only thing that seems to make him happy is if I agree with EVERYTHING he says, including agreeing with the names he calls me.

He is presently unemployed, quit his job last summer and has not been employed since. Our health insurance is running out, and although I'm the only one who has been seeking other health insurance for our daughter, he constantly criticizes everything I do for our daughter and yells at me on the phone, calling me names. I have no proof of his verbal abuse, it's his word against mine. I've tried hanging up on him, but I always have to call him back to insure he has his time to converse with his daughter. As soon as he finishes with her, he asks to speak to me and starts the abuse all over again.

Does anyone know if it's legal for me to tape his abusive conversations with me when he calls? I know that in Wisconsin, one only needs permission to tape from one party, and I could give that permission. But would it be legal for me to switch on the tape machine when his abuse starts? My machine DOES beep at intervals when recording a conversation. So am I safe in recording his abuse for the next time he denies it?

Could I even tape the conversation merely to play back to HIM when he denies such abuse if I can't use the tape in a court of law?

Could I use the taping of our conversations as a deterrent to make him stop the abuse? I think that if he knows I'm taping, he may not be verbally abusive, and that would be good enough for me, just to make him stop. But would it be legal?

Thanks for any info.

 

[hmmbrdzz]

Do not tape this man being verbally abusive to you. That would be like throwing gasoline on a fire. I cannot advise you whether or not taping without his consent is legal (or advisable). Don't play games with this alcoholic. If you're serious about a divorce, get a divorce attorney who can answer this question. If you're being physically abused, call the police, have him arrested, follow through with being a witness against him, and then seek professional help for yourself to get out of this situation and stay out.

hmmbrdzz

 

[HomeSkillet]

And for God's sake, get help for your child!

Get your child out of this situation so that she has a chance at a normal childhood and adulthood. Don't let this man be the "role model" for your child's future and current relationships.

 

[stephenk]

when he is done talking with your daughter just hang up the phone. when you do need to talk to him, hang up on him if starts the abuse, and dont call him back. you can also send him letters for matters that do not require immediate action.

 

[eveelynn]

Thanks

For all of your advice. He doesn't live with us and hasn't for the last two and a half years. The physical abuse hasn't been happening since he moved out, I was just concerned with the verbal abuse over the phone. My daughter and I have received counseling and we are living VERY happy lives now that he's gone. I'll take your advice on just hanging up when he becomes abusive. You're right, there's no arguing with an alcoholic, and there's no way to make him see what he's doing. Thanks for your help.

 

[LegalBeagle]

As a fyi to all.. You start a recording before the phone is picked up and stop recording after the call has ended.. ie, you must have the whole conversation. There are many devices that can be used to record that make no noise.

However, you can not record the conversation between the other parent and your child as YOU are not party to the conversation.