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  1. #1
    LuvMyBoy is offline Junior Member
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    What are your rights after a VPO has been filed against you?

    What is the name of your state? Oklahoma.
    Me and my ex were together for approx. 2 years and we now have a 9mo old little boy who means the world to me. I am 31 and she is 21 and we had, well I thought an alright relationship but apparently not. We argue and fight like any other couple that lives together only I have never hit a female in my life.

    How we met was that I owned a couple of night clubs, one being a strip club and the other a venue and she worked for me at the strip club as a dancer. After we had been dating about a year or so the subject of kids was brought up just in conversation in a group and I explained how I felt about wanting them. I told her that I definately wanted to have kids and a family one day but not until I was out of the club business and I wanted to be married and have kids verses get a girl pregnant, then marry cause I would always wonder in the back of my head, would I have married her otherwise. Also, even though I am 31, I am the first to admit that I needed to grow up myself before I put someone elses life in my hands, like a childs. And I didn't want the mother of my child to be a dancer. It would be pointless for me to be out the industry and the mother be a dancer.

    Two weeks later she was pregnant. She even told my best friends wife, who was a friend of hers that she got preg on purpose cause her friends were and she wanted to be preg at the same time so they could go through it together. Anyway, now that this decision in my life has been made for me and after my son was born, I would not change it for the world. He really is my better half.

    I shut my clubs down and started working as a contractor with my brother 6, sometimes 7 days a week to make enough money to support the things and life I was use to and she quit dancing due to being preg. 2 weeks after she had our child, she was back on stage. I always told her I didn't want her to beacause I know how it makes people and warned her that it would prob end us. Not that I would leave her for doing it, but that she would mess up at some point in time by cheating or lying.

    About 7 months go by and I start catching her in little lies here and there and with a 10yr age difference I had a little advantage on what to look for. I caught her lying to me saying her and my son where at a friends house while I worked late one evening when really she dropped my son off at another dancers house while she was out with a "customer". Don't ask! The girl she left my son with got mad and brought my son home at 5am cause my girlfriend was suppose to be back by 3am to pick him up and would not answer her phone. I thought they were both asleep at her friends.

    Well several more lies and arguments later we get into an argument and out of frustration, she was talking to one of her dancer buddies on her cell phone, and I caught her once again lying, I grabbed the phone from her and broke it. I asked her to leave the house but she wouldn't. I did not want to argue in front of our son. So i said that I would call the police and make her leave and she immediately grabbed mycell phone from my hand and just out of reaction, to keep her from breaking my flip phone (easy to break) I grabbed her hand that she had ahold of my phone with. She had our son in the other arm. Well she waisted the phone anyway so I just got my keys and left the house (I own the house). I just didn't want to argue.

    Well later when I came home the police were waiting on me and she said that I hurt her hand and I was arrested. Could not get a bond due to domestic abuse charges that state filed on me just had to wait to see judge following day. Just as they were about to release me they served me with a VPO. She filed it on her and our child but the judge only granted it for her but didn't matter cause she had our son and I couldn't call, go around, or communicate with her in any way.

    It killed me not being around my son who I had not spent one day of his life away from, where she leaves about every other week and goes to Dallas to dance for a week at a time and I stay at home with our son. About 5 days after filing the VPO she calls my sis-in-law and tells her I can meet her at the police station if I wanted to see my son. Might I add, it was the police station that another one of her "customers" was a police officer at, not even in same county as VPO. I immediately informed her that it would have to be at county where the VPO was filed and she agreed.

    She said that she had called the station and that they were aware of what we would be doing and the reason why so I went to see my boy. We sat in my vehicle for about thirty min when I realized that we were not even at the police station, we were actually next door and no-one was aware we were there. She then asked me if I wanted to keep our son that night while she went to work but I had to meet her back at that same spot at 2am when she got off work. I agreed, I had my boy back, even if only for a little while. She said that if I did this like she asked she would more thatn likely drop the VPO.

    I did everything as she asked and she even brought me a rose. The following day she called me "private" at home and asked if I wanted to watch him again that night while she worked and I cancelled all plans for that evening. She came directly to my house and dropped him off. After work when she came to pick him up she ended up spending the night and my brother came early in the morning to go to work and witnessed her there.

    Now she for some reason has gone into hiding and at court last Monday she didn't have her attorney there so they put it off for another month. She has not let me see my boy now for almost a month and I can't get any help. My attorney isn't doing anything I ask and I can't afford another one. I would think he could at least get me a date to be able see my son. One of her "customers" has paid for her an attorney and supposedly she's the former assistant district attorney of another county so that's not good for me. I have to see my boy cause even though he's 9mo old, speaking from a guy who grew up with no father figure, its affecting him, my mother, and my everyday life because I can't get him out of my head.

    She leaves him anywhere and with anyone and even though I didn't want the relationship to end and I do miss her, my main concern is for the child and I know nothing about his health or his wellbeing and I feel like my hands are tied.

    I have filed for emergency custody and paternity but that is the court date that isn't for another 3wks. My name is on the birth certificate and his last name is same as mine. Can I do ANYTHING about her keeping him from me like this and where does her VPO stand? She wants custody and will bring up anything in court to get it even though she stays in motels, spends night with friends, travels for dancing and has no family support or even friendly support behind her. My mother watched our son if we were both working and no one else. I have owned my home nearly 10 yrs and she don't even own a bike.

    My downfall in court will be that I am on a 5yr defered sentence of poss. w/intent that endes in 8 months. Neither of us will pass a drug test but she is dumb enough to still use it in court not even thinking of the concequences of our son.

    My Quote: You can take a B*%& out of a strip club, but you can't take the stripper out of a B*@#!
    Last edited by LuvMyBoy; 09-09-2005 at 08:11 AM. Reason: forgot something.
  2. #2
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Paragraphs are your friends - could you please use them to make your post easier to read? Thanks.
  3. #3
    LuvMyBoy is offline Junior Member
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    Sorry, I didn't think we were being graded on this after I seen all your grammer.

    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2
    Paragraphs are your friends - could you please use them to make your post easier to read? Thanks.
    Come on, are we here for English class, I guess I can ask someone who can help me.
  4. #4
    betterthanher Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by LuvMyBoy
    Come on, are we here for English class, I guess I can ask someone who can help me.
    Well with that attitude, you aren't going to get help now. Let's turn the tables. Would you read something that was one big paragraph that looked like it was never-ending?

    I doubt you would. I sure as hell didn't read it.

    Not to mention, a significant portion is irrelevant.
  5. #5
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LuvMyBoy
    Come on, are we here for English class, I guess I can ask someone who can help me.
    Dude - it's hard to read. Which means people aren't going to bother. Which means that you aren't going to get your questions answered. Your choice.
  6. #6
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by stealth2
    Dude - it's hard to read. Which means people aren't going to bother. Which means that you aren't going to get your questions answered. Your choice.
    Seriously...all you have to do is hit the "edit" button and double space to make some paragraphs. I gave up about a third of the way into it.
  7. #7
    LuvMyBoy is offline Junior Member
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    now seriously, please help me if you can.

    hope that makes it easier.
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    That is much easier to read - thank you. Here's where you're going to have a problem - you have been in violation of the Protective Order several times, and I would be that she will use it against you. Even if she contacts you, you are under a court order to have no contact with her, and YOU are the one who will get in trouble. While it of course indicates that she's not afraid of you, that likely will not matter a lot to the judge - you were told to stay away from her and you didn't. Expect her to bring that up in court, and to claim that you threatened her if she didn't meet you, etc.

    I would, frankly, do everything possible to retain an attorney, because I suspect you're going to be in for a very nasty scene. And.... don't be surprised if the court orders you to have only supervised visitation.

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