Where to get a restraining order, etc.

What is the name of your state? CA

Need to file a restraining order. I have injuries so I want to file in my own state but people are telling me that I have to file where the violent act took place. The reason I flew back here is to get away from the danger? Please help. Willing to pay for a good lawyer.

Who are the "people" telling you this, and (if they are "authorities", i.e. police, domestic violence, etc.) what have they advised is your option, if any other than going back to state's county in which the violence took place? What type injuries do you have, and where were you treated -- if you were treated?

hmmbrdzz

Torn ligaments in elbows, protusion of collar bone (permanent), on state disability for two months. Treat at ER first, then doc, then ortho. surgeon. This was done by a family member and I visit family 3-4 times a year.

The people advising me are clerks at superior courts, different counties. I tried two attorneys who sounded shocked that one could file from CA so I dismissed the option of using them.

I really do not have a feel for what is going on with you except that you got beat up pretty badly by a family member, arrived in the ER, got ortho surgery on account of of the injuries, took flight later to get away from it, (and you put a question mark here), that you've now spoken to two attorneys in several co's in CA who can't help you, that it sounds like you're going to be going to visit this area again. Is there something you aren't telling us here??

Were charges filed against this family member? Did you report where these injuries came from when you arrived in the ER? Have you talked to the DA's office in the county you're in now CA? Anyone in domestic abuse? Have you called the county DA's office where the assault took place?

You will do yourself a favor here if you would give more of a picture of what has happened (instead of someone having to drag the events out of you, answer by answer). Even after you answer all the questions I've posed, I don't know if I can ultimately direct you to the right place or tell you how to proceed, but perhaps someone here can. (But I think they would be more willing to help if they don't have to read it note by note.) I don't mean to sound impatient -- I just think you need to give more of the story. And another suggestion -- you may want to do an entirely new note under "criminal law" (other crimes).

When you want to get a "restraining order / protective order / domestic abuse protective order, temporary restraining order/ emergency restraining order" (there are several names for them), a warrant must be served on the person by authorities (sheriff). It's a process where you go to the police; tell them what happened; they send you to a magistrate to tell the magistrate what happened; the magistrate tells you what is going to happen regards your complaint (or your request for protection); if the magistrate feels your complaint is valid, papers (a warrant) is drawn up to be served on this person; the sheriff will begin making attempts to find this person to serve the warrant; once the warrant is served it tells the person they must appear in court on such and such a date for the matter. This process normally does have to occur in the county in which it happened, but you still may be able to get assistance through agencies such as "domestic abuse". You really need to call the domestic abuse center in the county you are in now and speak to someone there about your situation (not that you're wasting time here, but you could get a lot more accomplished by picking up the phone and calling someone in domestic violence).

Feel free to write back here anyhow. I'll certainly still try to help you.

hmmbrdzz

[stephenk]

did you report the assault to the police? If yes, what is happening?

If you didnt report the assault to the police, now would be a good time. you would need to contact the police in the city where the attack took place.

to get a restraining order, you would have to file it in the court for the city/county where the attack took place. California has no jurisdiction over the attacker if that person does not reside in California.

Thank you Stephank. That's exactly the problem I am running into. She lives out or state where my family lives and that's where the injury occured. The two lawyers here told me I had to travel back there where it occured but I am afraid to do so.

I reported the incident when it happened but couldn't speak when the police arrived. I was so terrorized (I don't know why because she has done things like this before to me). So, she told this big story that I came after her, etc. etc. I recently called and gave my story and they said that a detective will be assigned now.

I'm sorry but I don't feel like divulging all the details of my story online. I just needed/need someone who could recommend anything.

I received a piece of info today that they CAN do the restraining order appl. here since she has done a violent act to me here. However, the shady thing is she did it over a year ago and we don't know if that makes it too late to use

You really need to try to get yourself some counseling from domestic abuse. For you to continue to get beaten, to hide, and to not want to tell someone what has happened is likely to get you killed one day. Surely -- somewhere in your thoughts -- you think you're worthy of living. As I said before: "This process normally does have to occur in the county in which it happened, but you still may be able to get assistance through agencies such as "domestic abuse". You really need to call the domestic abuse center in the county you are in now and speak to someone there about your situation (not that you're wasting time here, but you could get a lot more accomplished by picking up the phone and calling someone in domestic violence)."

You really need to do it and stop wasting time. This family member might shoot you next time.


hmmbrdzz

[CMSC]

Just in case you need some more info on the California restraining order forms here is a great link! copy and paste it minus the url's [url]http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/dv/dvforms.htm[/url]

Now I am lousy at jurisdiction issues but there is a link on the above site i gave that tells how to register your RO in another state.


Okay, I just re-read and noticed that you the person you are filing against isn't from CA. Can you tell us where they are from? You can email me if you feel uncomfortable stating it here. I am a DV crisis volunteer and I can help you locate some resources in your state, if you would like.

Here is a list of states and pro bono attorneys, you may want to consult some of them.
[url]http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/probonodirectory.html[/url]


Also here is the site for Legal aide, just find your state's link and it will give you info on who to call.

[url]http://www.lsc.gov/fundprog.htm[/url]

It is okay to not divulge every detail of this even that took place. You have given enough details for us to help point you in the right direction. Good luck and feel free to email me, [email]ryrys_mom@freeadvice.com[/email]

[stephenk]

why cant you go back to the state where it happened to file a request for a restraining order? You dont have to tell anyone you are going back.

Second, do you have any plans to go back to this person? Are you married to this person? If no to both questions, why not just disappear from that person's existence. Move away permanently.

Hmmm - I know you mean well, but I wish you could see the list of names I have contacted to get help. I have told them I am willing to pay. The problem is, no one seems to know what they are doing. Domestic violence hotlines gave me a NUMBER of resources but only one good one came out of them all. The others did not know how to handle the case. This resource told me that she suggests filing from where I live because that is where I want the initial protection. The outside state that I contacted concurs. However, when going back to the initial courthouse the staff tell me that I am being mislead and am in for a disappointment. When I called the outside state courthouse, they told me that Ca is misleading me and that I CAN in deed do it through my home state. I just want to know who is the authority in this. I have great friends here that have been helping me out with regard to self-esteem issues. I appreciate your suggestion.

Ryry'smom,
Thank you so much for your message. As a matter of fact, I do have that exact website and have filled out the forms (along with the forms in the other state). They are both ready to go when I find out which state I should submit them. StephanK helped me a lot, too. He shares the opinion of the other lawyers. This is probably going to disturb some people here but the court's advocate that I talked to said, "Don't listen to any lawyers. They don't do this regularly." You can file in your home state since it is nationwide. Aghhh. This is frustrating. Anyway, I will email you the state in case you have any info. on dv programs. Thank you very, very much.

Hi Stephank - My parents and dog live down the street from her. I love them dearly and don't want to lose contact with them. My parents are elderly so too old to want to travel this far. I usually visit at least three times a year.

The other reason for wanting the order is, she has not taken my request seriously. When she called telling me I deserved it blah blah blah, I told her not to contact me again. She called four times after that, wrote twice, left messages with family members to me. She knows I am on disability right now otherwise she would be emailing me at work, as well. I don't believe she will stop ever.

Marisa -- I do mean well, but I'm not one to give a whole lot of support when one is burying themselves deeper. The primary problem you've had in all of this has been you -- your reluctance to do anything about it because of your fear, which is typical but which you can overcome and then "do something about it". Authorities really don't want to hear this kind of story when it's been a year after the fact. It doesn't speak well of you to keep getting beat up and then -- a year later -- looking for help. That's why you need counseling. This isn't something that just happened. It's been happening. It's now a matter of your deciding to stop doing what you've always done or keep getting beat up. You do not have to pay for help when someone has clobbered you. You don't need an attorney. You need the police then -- not a year later, you need the support of the domestic violence center in the county you got beat up in, and you need a restraining order if the person has hit you and won't leave you alone.

Now that you know how difficult it is to do what you're trying to do now -- the next time the bi*ch smacks you in your town, call the police then and report it then. You don't have to live in AS MUCH fear around this assaulter when you go home to see your family and pets. Wouldn't you rather the police be advised of a restraining order the next time you visit and have their prompt arrival to throw her a** in jail if she comes around you?? Or to get her butt thrown in jail when she assaults you? People get arrested for assault. She can't keep hitting you unless you let her. YOU are the authority in this. Start acting like it, honestly.


hmmbrdzz

[CMSC]

hmmbrdzz, the poster is trying to get a restraining order. When you fear for you life you don't necessarily think clearly. It seems obvious from your cold hearted, "it's your own fault" attitude that you have never worked for a DV center.

marisa, i will be sending you some more info this morning, I hope it will help.

[CMSC]

marisa, have you contacted an attorney in the other state or just CA? Did the detective ever get back to you? Did you ask him about filing a restraining order?

If the detective hasn't called you need to call them. Also keep any and all correspondence with this person you are having problems with. Keep all letters, tape all phone calls, keep all answering machine messages.

Do you have family willing to testify to her behavior if needed? If she is doing this to you, is it possible she is abusing your parents as well?

Oh, one more thing, you may want to call an attorney about filing an Injunction against harrasment and see what they say. I sent the info to you.

Hmm - Because I live out here and she there, I thought I would be safe with infrequent visits. I never reported it because, 1) My very catholic family is absolutely opposed to it and threw guilt on me and told me they would never support reporting my own sister to the police, 2) My parents are elderly and I was willing to put with it to keep them happy during their last years. My family is upset with me right now because I called the police which is why I feel so alone. The most recent abuse, in November, 2002 was extremely traumatic. The only thing that helped me is my ER doctor talked to me and my other sister and told us that DV only gets worse. I can't fathom the idea that there is a "worse." So, I am trying really hard alone to get this right the first time. If I fail, I am in for retaliation. My sis has done a violent act to everyone in the family and all her boyfriends but has somehow with her smooth talk has come out clean every time. I am not as smooth and sly as her.

Ryry'smom - Thank you. I appreciate your understanding so much. I will email you.