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Wife false accusations of domestic violence

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adamastor

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hi all,


I have been married to my wife for the past 4 years and the least I can say is that our relationship has been everything but peaceful. We argue very frequently. Our arguments have sometimes turned into verbal fights so that neighbors alerted by the sound ( we live in an appartment) called the police a couple of times. When questioned by the police she said on both occasions that it was solely a verbal argument and no physical abuse had occurred.
We tried everything to make this relationship work, yet everything has failed to bring any type of improvement. I came to the conclusion that this relationship is not meant to last, and want out. I informed her of my decision one time, as she noticed I was determined she begged me to stay with her. I stood strong with decision, begging quickly was replaced by threatening. She told me that she had no money to move out on her own and she had talked to shelter but the only way they would admit her was if she pressed charges for domestic violence. Knowing how brutal and arbitrary the american justice system can be I didn't want to find myself in a difficult, harmful situation with potential lifetime consequences, given i am a licensed healthcare professional. As a result I had no other choice but to go back with her.
However I am unhappy, I really want out of this nightmare. I am a foreigner in this country with limited social support (as she always forbid me to talk to people) and I came to consider whether leave this country would be the only way to get out of this mess.
My questions are how can I leave her and make sure there will be no legal retaliation against me? Doesn't the court require evidence to rule such cases? Has any any one been in a similar case before?

Thank you for reading.
 


CdwJava

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hi all,


I have been married to my wife for the past 4 years and the least I can say is that our relationship has been everything but peaceful. We argue very frequently. Our arguments have sometimes turned into verbal fights so that neighbors alerted by the sound ( we live in an appartment) called the police a couple of times. When questioned by the police she said on both occasions that it was solely a verbal argument and no physical abuse had occurred.
You argued enough times that the police were called on more than one occasion, yet you still stayed together?? It doesn't take Fellini to see where this relationship was headed.

We tried everything to make this relationship work, yet everything has failed to bring any type of improvement. I came to the conclusion that this relationship is not meant to last, and want out. I informed her of my decision one time, as she noticed I was determined she begged me to stay with her. I stood strong with decision, begging quickly was replaced by threatening. She told me that she had no money to move out on her own and she had talked to shelter but the only way they would admit her was if she pressed charges for domestic violence. Knowing how brutal and arbitrary the american justice system can be I didn't want to find myself in a difficult, harmful situation with potential lifetime consequences, given i am a licensed healthcare professional. As a result I had no other choice but to go back with her.
So, you gave in to her manipulation and returned to a situation where she could hold the upper hand rather than seeking assistance and, perhaps, move out on your own and file for divorce?

This is unhealthy and very dangerous for both of you.

My questions are how can I leave her and make sure there will be no legal retaliation against me? Doesn't the court require evidence to rule such cases? Has any any one been in a similar case before?
What sort of retaliation are you afraid of? Nothing you can do can prevent her from making up something that happened days, weeks, or months ago. Staying in the relationship only guarantees that you will continue to be miserable and that you will remain under her thrall. If you simply up and leave and file for divorce, and make sure that you are never alone with her after that, you should be safe from at least false accusations of physical abuse.

You might seek the assistance of an attorney in this, or, see if there are any domestic violence organizations that might consider assisting you.
 

single317dad

Senior Member
Whatever the backlash, you need to get out of this relationship now. Things will only get worse, never better, and eventually one of those police calls will end up with you in jail.

Cdw's advice to seek assistance from a domestic violence organization is on point; most of us don't know it, but there are groups out there that will help men through situations like this. Start with your local phone book. You'll have to discard your pride and ego but the entire process will be worth it in the end.

Once you separate, you'll have to cease all contact with this person permanently. Until you're ready to do that, no one can help you.
 

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