Dealing of prescription drugs

[NineLives]

This is your mother's relationship, not yours. Mind your own business. You can offer her moral support but stay out of their relationship. If he is physically abusive to her, tell her to make a police report.

I hear you, I have done so for years, and I can't stand by to watch this go on any longer. She has several illnesses and is disabled, and he's not taking proper care of her. I'm going to lose her if she doesn't get out of this lifestyle very soon. I'm in the middle of getting general durable power of attorney and health care power of attorney over her, as per her request. He's starting to try to push his weight around when it comes to making decisions on her behalf, and I'm not going to let it happen. They aren't married, but he's trying to dope her up and take control. I cannot just mind my own business anymore.

 

[Eekamouse]

Forcing pills down her throat, is he? Report him for elder abuse. Or does she have a prescription drug problem that is preventing you from doing that? That would certainly explain how you "know" he's giving his pills to other people.

 

[NineLives]

She has her own prescription and takes them as directed because what she has (out of a few other things) is hep C and cirrhosis and taking the wrong pills or wrong dosage could land her to the er because it will attack her liver. But he has multiple "friends" that come over all the time and they all get pills from him and I see them doing transactions.

 

[quincy]

She has her own prescription and takes them as directed because what she has (out of a few other things) is hep C and cirrhosis and taking the wrong pills or wrong dosage could land her to the er because it will attack her liver. But he has multiple "friends" that come over all the time and they all get pills from him and I see them doing transactions.

If you are there when this fellow is selling pills, call the police at that time.

 

[Zigner]

She has her own prescription and takes them as directed because what she has (out of a few other things) is hep C and cirrhosis and taking the wrong pills or wrong dosage could land her to the er because it will attack her liver. But he has multiple "friends" that come over all the time and they all get pills from him and I see them doing transactions.

I thought he was trying to dope her up?

 

[Proserpina]

I am having trouble seeing how ANY of this is going to "help" Mom.

If anything, it's painting a rather ugly picture of it being nothing more than a desire to control Mom's situation more than the other guy is doing. Mom is actually telling OP that she doesn't actually want his involvement - she's just trying to placate him.

Sorry guys, but it's crystal clear to me. Mom is the chew-toy, and she's got two sides pulling her apart.

 

[NineLives]

I am having trouble seeing how ANY of this is going to "help" Mom.

If anything, it's painting a rather ugly picture of it being nothing more than a desire to control Mom's situation more than the other guy is doing. Mom is actually telling OP that she doesn't actually want his involvement - she's just trying to placate him.

Sorry guys, but it's crystal clear to me. Mom is the chew-toy, and she's got two sides pulling her apart.

This is not my intention. I don't want to control her. But I just don't know how else I can really help her. She's got this whole battered wife syndrome mentality that is making things difficult. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be open to suggestions.

 

[Proserpina]

This is not my intention. I don't want to control her. But I just don't know how else I can really help her. She's got this whole battered wife syndrome mentality that is making things difficult. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be open to suggestions.

Then respectfully, she needs empowerment - she doesn't need another person making her life decisions for her.

This website is run by a fantastic lady, and it's somewhere I think you can read to get a better understanding.

http://www.aardvarc.org/

Take your emotions out of it for a while - I know you're not a therapist, but lack of action doesn't equate to abuse. If you're going to help her, you're going to need to accept that she may actually want to remain in her situation. You can't force it.

 

[NineLives]

Then respectfully, she needs empowerment - she doesn't need another person making her life decisions for her.

This website is run by a fantastic lady, and it's somewhere I think you can read to get a better understanding.

http://www.aardvarc.org/

Take your emotions out of it for a while - I know you're not a therapist, but lack of action doesn't equate to abuse. If you're going to help her, you're going to need to accept that she may actually want to remain in her situation. You can't force it.

I will check that out, thank you for your advice.

 

[commentator]

Seriously, we've been there. But she is an adult, and until you do actually get power of attorney and control of her affairs, she is her own person, entitled to be where she wants to be, associate with whomever she wants to associate with.

If you get too involved in fighting with him, you are not helping her at all. She will not tell you if he is abusive, she will not ask for your help, you are just another person who's fighting her, and who is not on her side. Another stressor.

Even if you call the law when they are dealing drugs in front of your eyes, it won't be the be all and end all of the situation. They'll clear off and when and if the law shows up, he'll swear it didn't happen, and mom will probably back him up. It's not going to work. Sorry. Bad idea.

Try to let her know you will help her and be on her side, no matter WHO she is in a relationship with and what happens. Try to see this relationship through her eyes, if she wants you to like him, or get along with him, or just tolerate him, and her living conditions, DO IT. Until she doesn't want it any more (HER decision)and then you are on her side when she wants to get rid of him, and willing to help her. Don't be somebody she has to fight with, be a support for her, regardless of her choices. In other words, drop your side of the chew toy.

If your mother isn't getting proper care for her medical conditions, could you encourage her to speak with her doctors, get home health to come in a few days a week for a while? That way they'll be in on what's going on in the household, can help you oversee the care she is getting in this situation.

 

[NineLives]

Yeah, you are right. I think I have gotten a little too involved, and need to step back and keep in mind of what she wants and be a supporter of that instead of what I want for her. I worry about her, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries and end up making the situation worse. Thanks for the talk.

 

[NellieBly]

A wise man once told me "It's not what you say...it's what you can prove."

 

[Ohiogal]

I hear you, I have done so for years, and I can't stand by to watch this go on any longer. She has several illnesses and is disabled, and he's not taking proper care of her. I'm going to lose her if she doesn't get out of this lifestyle very soon. I'm in the middle of getting general durable power of attorney and health care power of attorney over her, as per her request. He's starting to try to push his weight around when it comes to making decisions on her behalf, and I'm not going to let it happen. They aren't married, but he's trying to dope her up and take control. I cannot just mind my own business anymore.

She is an adult. And quite frankly if she knows he is selling and is benefitting from the sales? If he is charged, she can end up getting criminally charged as well. Do you like the risk of that? Your mother is responsible for her own actions. Including staying with this man.

 

[FamilyGirl]

If the police take your complaint seriously they may offer you the opportunity to make a controlled purchase. Meaning you hal work with them to purchase drugs and they will use wires, recording devices or marked money to pin the sale on him. Although I agree with the other posters. You're Mom could also be charged, she will probably hate you for it and if she has issues with controlling men she will find another one. The police around here take RX diversion very seriously.

 

[quincy]

If the police take your complaint seriously they may offer you the opportunity to make a controlled purchase. Meaning you hal work with them to purchase drugs and they will use wires, recording devices or marked money to pin the sale on him. Although I agree with the other posters. You're Mom could also be charged, she will probably hate you for it and if she has issues with controlling men she will find another one. The police around here take RX diversion very seriously.

Seriously?