Many charges

[overitall]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

The step kid and her buddy got busted. She's 24.
Date of arrest: 2-10-06
Busted by OMNI
Released to me on bond on 2-23-06
(I did this with great reluctance) If you knew her history and the problems she has caused in the family over the years you'd completely understand)
She hasn't lived here since she was 17. Sent her to live with her mother.
She lives with us again because of this.
Causing more problems. (non drug related) Tension fills the house daily.
Ok...now the question-
If she does jail time, when she gets out, she doesn't have to come back here, correct?
She can get an apartment on her own?We'll cover the first couple months to get her started.

Her friend got 4 1/2 to 20 in prison on same counts. He's been in prison almost a month.
She is still going through the system.
Her lawyer is trying to get her 9 months in county.
Plea date is this Wed, June 7th.
Does 9 months sound like not much time for all the charges?
I thought that maybe...just maybe, this would wake her up and get her on the right path, but if she basically gets off, then it really didn't teach her anything.
Of course I don't want her in jail, but I think if you knew her and the past, this might be what she needs to "get it". Or..she'll end up dead.
Before you tell me how selfish I'm being wanting to know if she has to stay here, since she's an adult, you would need to know the whole story.

Thanks in advance.

Here are the charges:

Count 1-
controlled substance - delivering/manufacture (narcotic or cocaine) 50-449 grams**************..methadone
contrary to MCL 333.7401(2)(a)(iii). [333.740123A]
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.

Count 2-
conspiracy to conspiracy to controlled substance - delivery/manufacture (narcotic or cocaine)

50-449......cocaine
contrary to MCL 333.7401(2)(a)(iii). [333.740123A3] [C]; MCL 750.157a MSA 28.354(1)
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.

Count 3-
Controlled substance - delivery/manufacture - Methamphetamine/ecstasy
contrary to MCL 333.7401(2)(b)(i). [333.74012B1]
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.

Count 4-
Conspiracy to controlled substance - delivery/manufacture - Methamphetamine/ecstasy
contrary to MCL 333.7401(2)(b)(i). [333.74012B1] [C]; MCL 750.157a; MSA 28.354(1)

Count 5-
Police officer - Assulting/Resesting/obstructing
MCL 750.81d(1). [750.81D1]

Count 6-
Controlled Substance - Maintaining a drug house (vehicle)
MCL 333.7101 et seq
contrary to MCL 333.7405(1)(d) and MCL 333.7406. [333.7405D]

Count 7-
Controlled substance - Possession of (Narcotic/cocaine) less than 25 grams
contrary to MCL 333.7403(2)(a)(v). [333.74032A5]
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.

Count 8-
Controlled Substance - Possession/Analogues (Methadone)
contrary to MCL 333.7403(2)(b)(iii) [333.74032B-A]
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.

Count 9-
Controlled Substance - Possession of Marihuana
contrary to MCL 333.7403(2)(d). [333.74032D]
pursuant to MCL 333.7408a.What is the name of your state?

 

[CALIF-PRO36]

My response:

You bailed her out? Is that right?

You allowed her to live with you? Is that right?

Then, you deserve whatever she does to you and your house. You should have left her in jail to stew in her own juices. You're no better than she.

IAAL

 

[CdwJava]

9 months sounds way too short to me. She should do prison time for these offenses.

Understand that the dope is more important to her than you, mom, family, friends or anything else. She won't care if you lose money over her bail or by paying for her rent ... she will continue to come back again and again with one sob story after another. By bailing her out, giving her seed money for an apartment, and thus enabling her behavior (to be an addict and criminal), you only aid her addiction.

Before she will accept help to get clean and sober she needs to hit bottom. Right now she has a safety line - you. She knows she will be safe from sleeping in the gutters because of your aid.

She's 24 years old ... it's time for a little tough love. Cut her loose to sink or swim. These are HER decisions, not yours! While you may feel guilty leaving her to stew in an oleo of her own making, I guarantee that she does not feel any reciprocal guilt nor obligation to you ... though she will use your guilt or sympathy to manipulate you to her own ends.

Good luck.

- Carl

 

[overitall]

Carl~
Thank you for an adult response.
I agree, a prison term should happen. We don't do drugs, and very much against it.
Her father and I have been together for 20 years. She's been on her own for 6 years.
The other problems of the past didn't include drugs. This was the last two years that it was drugs.
The judge thought if she got out, did counceling, got a job, stayed clean, that it would be better than sitting in jail. So far she has been doing all that. Also finished getting her GED. Just other issues here. I knew we'd be dealing with something, but I knew it wouldn't be drugs again. That's the only reason I bailed her out. Like I said, she is clean.
We've been through the tough love for years. The first time was when she was 16 and sent her to live with her loser mother. Hoped she'd see what she had lost if she had to live there with nothing.
Being here till sentencing is one thing I'll deal with. It won't be long. The question was after she got out.
I'm wondering if the judge will do some stipulation and give her house arrest or something. A tether (sp?) I couldn't see how he could make her stay here if she's an adult.
Thanks.

 

[CALIF-PRO36]

Carl~
Thank you for an adult response.
I agree, a prison term should happen. We don't do drugs, and very much against it.
Her father and I have been together for 20 years. She's been on her own for 6 years.
The other problems of the past didn't include drugs. This was the last two years that it was drugs.
The judge thought if she got out, did counceling, got a job, stayed clean, that it would be better than sitting in jail. So far she has been doing all that. Also finished getting her GED. Just other issues here. I knew we'd be dealing with something, but I knew it wouldn't be drugs again. That's the only reason I bailed her out. Like I said, she is clean.
We've been through the tough love for years. The first time was when she was 16 and sent her to live with her loser mother. Hoped she'd see what she had lost if she had to live there with nothing.
Being here till sentencing is one thing I'll deal with. It won't be long. The question was after she got out.
I'm wondering if the judge will do some stipulation and give her house arrest or something. A tether (sp?) I couldn't see how he could make her stay here if she's an adult.
Thanks.

My response:

Wait a minute! Didn't you say this: "She lives with us again because of this.
Causing more problems. (non drug related) Tension fills the house daily."

Sounds to me like you're a confused "enabler".

IAAL

 

[CdwJava]

So far she has been doing all that. Also finished getting her GED. Just other issues here. I knew we'd be dealing with something, but I knew it wouldn't be drugs again.

Don't be so sure that drugs are not involved. Many people involved in the drug scene are master manipulators ... I see it all the time. They manipulate friends and family almost as easily as they manage to manipulate "the system" (welfare, aid, etc.) While this may not be the case with your stepdaughter, keep your eyes very wide open because if there are problems, there is a very good chance they are related to drugs.

I can't tell you how many times I have arrested people for drug use and possession only to hear from family that it was not possible.

That's the only reason I bailed her out. Like I said, she is clean.

Unless you are testing her daily, you cannot KNOW that for sure. You hope and guess that she is, but, there is always a chance. She didn't just wake up and decide to sell and/or manufacture dope ... she grew into it. And you do not just turn off that need over night and say, "I'm done. Thanks."

Drugs can be insidious. And depending on her drug of choice, and what actions you take to keep her on the right track (searches, tests, etc.) the chances of you ever knowing about it are slim to none.

I'm wondering if the judge will do some stipulation and give her house arrest or something. A tether (sp?) I couldn't see how he could make her stay here if she's an adult.
Thanks.

Unless you and her father were willing to let her stay there, she would not be forced upon you. When she gets out she can stay in her own place, get a job, and go to counseling and court-ordered drug testing. But, don't be surprised if she gets violated and goes back a time or five. It is the nature of the beast. And while she may be the exception to the rule, in 15 years at this I have seen very, very few such exceptions prior to hitting bottom.

- Carl

 

[overitall]

Thanks again Carl.
I completely understand, and I absolutely agree about the drugs. Right now her lawyer is making her get tested every two weeks. When she got arrested, the OMNI reports showed clean. We assume she was more into making money then doing them, but no doubt she did.
Also, knowing her, it is very possible she'll do it again. The methadone was prescriped by a doctor (on top of 25 other meds) after a closed head injury in Dec. of 03 after she was hit head on in a car accident. That doctor has already been busted for giving out massive drugs to younger kids. But, the state still lets him practice.
I'm sure not silly enough to believe it can't happen again.

Quote:
But, don't be surprised if she gets violated and goes back a time or five. It is the nature of the beast. And while she may be the exception to the rule, in 15 years at this I have seen very, very few such exceptions prior to hitting bottom.

I understand. I have an Uncle that the family had no choice but to abandon after years of trying to help him. He's now a drunk that lives behind some local stores. Really sad, but his choice I suppose.
I hoped by getting prison time, that would be her rock bottom. I don't know how she can only do 9 months. Seems like it would make her think....I got charged with 6 or 7 felonies, but only had to do 9 months. Peice of cake.
Seems like it would tick off OMNI after doing surveilence and putting in all that time to tap phones, etc. that kids just walk on drug charges. Especially that amount.


The only reason I mentioned getting her an apartment when she gets out is so she can be gone and have to do it on her own. She will have to pay for it. I will take care of the first month just to get her butt moving. Dad and I have discussed this, and it's better if she has to leave then, so she knows she isn't living here for free. She's working two jobs for the last 2 months, and one will take her back, so she will have money. If she loses it, then she's on her own. She will be aware of it.

I'll keep in mind all your advice. I appreciate it.

 

[CdwJava]

I completely understand, and I absolutely agree about the drugs. Right now her lawyer is making her get tested every two weeks.

Meaningless if she is using drugs other than marijuana as most are purged from the system within 72 hours. And designated testing dates are easy for users to prepare for ... just don't use for the three days leading up to the test.

Around here the parolees test on Tuesdays ... they binge on Friday and Saturday and detox Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so they can piss clean on Tuesday night. Fortunately we have a couple good Parole officers that decide to do surprise tests on some of their special charges.

When she got arrested, the OMNI reports showed clean. We assume she was more into making money then doing them, but no doubt she did.

Or she hadn't used for a few days.

I understand. I have an Uncle that the family had no choice but to abandon after years of trying to help him. He's now a drunk that lives behind some local stores. Really sad, but his choice I suppose.

Yep. And if you were to try and take him out of that environment he would almost certainly run right back to it ... unless you allowed him to lay around your house inebriated. But if you dared to set rules for him and even had the audacity to suggest he do work my guess is that he would leave and blame it on you.

I hoped by getting prison time, that would be her rock bottom. I don't know how she can only do 9 months. Seems like it would make her think....I got charged with 6 or 7 felonies, but only had to do 9 months. Peice of cake.

Well, it's not all over yet. But you don't have to enable the behavior by supporting her. Tell her when she's out she's on her own.

Seems like it would tick off OMNI after doing surveilence and putting in all that time to tap phones, etc. that kids just walk on drug charges. Especially that amount.

They just make the arrests. Contrary to popular myth, the police do not control the process once the report leaves our hands.

The only reason I mentioned getting her an apartment when she gets out is so she can be gone and have to do it on her own. She will have to pay for it.

She'll be gone even if you don't pay for the apartment. You do not HAVE to let her come back.

She's working two jobs for the last 2 months, and one will take her back, so she will have money. If she loses it, then she's on her own. She will be aware of it.

Good for her ... hopefully she won't blow this opportunity. But my customary optimism has been tempered by too many years of experience. I would be cautiously optimistic.

Good luck!

- Carl

 

[smutlydog]

Causing more problems. (non drug related) Tension fills the house daily.QUOTE]

By reading your post you seem to think it's all about her. Who raised this child and why weren't her problems addressed early on in life. I see this all the time. Parents bring their teenagers in for treatment and speak as though this is some kind of cancer in the family that needs to be cured. In most cases the parents need counseling as much if not more than the children.

There is no way to know what exactly the problem without a proper assessment but 99% of the time it can be traced to a troubled childhood. For now the 9 months in jail will help her sort out some of the confusion in her life. As CdwJava said for some addicts bottoming out can help.

 

[CdwJava]

Well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to necessarily blame the problem - or part of it - on the parents. Many times there is a problem there. But, it is just about as common that kids from good homes with good parents will have drug problems. I have seen many homes where 2 out of 3 kids are good and one is a piece of work.

If there was a perfect solution to parenting, and I could discover it, I would be a rich man. Aside from strict isolation, there is no sure method of keeping kids away from the drug world.

- Carl

 

[smutlydog]

Well, I don't know if I'd go so far as to necessarily blame the problem - or part of it - on the parents. Many times there is a problem there. But, it is just about as common that kids from good homes with good parents will have drug problems. I have seen many homes where 2 out of 3 kids are good and one is a piece of work.

If there was a perfect solution to parenting, and I could discover it, I would be a rich man. Aside from strict isolation, there is no sure method of keeping kids away from the drug world.

- Carl

I have seen the same thing. The example that comes to mind is a good one. Two brothers that are a year apart. One is in and out of the prison system and the other is a physician.

There is such a thing as a target child who gets treated differently. Why would one child get treated differently? There are many reasons but here is something to consider.

3 biological patterns for children 0-2 yrs old:
1. Easy=secure, independent and self regulating
2. Difficult=low adaptation
3. Slow to warm up= upset by change, shy

Children in any of these categories can grow up to live normal and productive lives but children that fall under category 2 and 3 are special need children. In other words it can be a big mistake to raise all of your children exactly the same. We are not all biologically the same. If one child is Easy and the other is Difficult and they are both held to the same standard problems are almost assured. The difficult child will probably grow up with self esteem issues and may choose to self medicate these issues later in life. If the individual is more biologically prone to addiction then the problem goes from bad to worse.

I am just giving an example to the issue you raised. Like I said before a proper assessment is needed to understand the real problem and I am giving some scenarios.

Through the legal system this lady may be able to get some good counseling. She won't be able correct her problem by going into the past and fixing what went wrong. That’s water under the bridge but it is important for her to understand what originally led to this criminal lifestyle. At the end of the day this lady will have to realize that she is the only person that can correct this problem. Others in her situation have done it so there is no reason why she can't do it.

 

[CdwJava]

True enough, but I just could not let pass the inference that mom might be partially to blame for the daughter's current situation. That may or may not be the case, and even if it were, it's a moot issue and bears no relevance now - as you said above.



- Carl

 

[smutlydog]

True enough, but I just could not let pass the inference that mom might be partially to blame for the daughter's current situation. That may or may not be the case, and even if it were, it's a moot issue and bears no relevance now - as you said above.



- Carl

sent her to live with her loser mother

This doesn't sound good

 

[overitall]

Causing more problems. (non drug related) Tension fills the house daily.QUOTE]

By reading your post you seem to think it's all about her. Who raised this child and why weren't her problems addressed early on in life. I see this all the time. Parents bring their teenagers in for treatment and speak as though this is some kind of cancer in the family that needs to be cured. In most cases the parents need counseling as much if not more than the children.

There is no way to know what exactly the problem without a proper assessment but 99% of the time it can be traced to a troubled childhood. For now the 9 months in jail will help her sort out some of the confusion in her life. As CdwJava said for some addicts bottoming out can help.

You couldn't be more correct. She also has a brother and a sister, of which we had full custody as well. They were 6, 7, and 11 at the time. The other two are well adjusted, good jobs, homes and families and the relationship between the two and I are fantastic.
It's true before we got custody, their life was bad. They were in counceling when they were younger. I can tell you that she was stealing money from me at 6 years old. Survival maybe? That's what I assumed. We played hell with the courts to get them away from the mom. I think it effected the one mentioned the most.
But... we could afford for me to stay home and raise the kids. (I'm going to mention I more often since Dad wasn't the hugs and kisses/go fishing dad). He worked alot.
Yes the kids got material things...pool, dirt bikes, etc. But I also did ALOT with them and involved in there school. She was always the one who was in trouble or stayed out and didn't come home at night. I'm sure this was the reason for how this all effected her.
She even went as far one time when back in school after being grounded for skipping school, to go to the principle and tell them I was hitting her. (No, I never touched them) A councelor came out to the house, and after talking with her and her talking with the other two kids, found out she lied. That is just a sample. She has always been the type who thinks the world owes her everything. Her mother blames her father and I for her miserable life because we got custody...she was a crack whore (not exagerating) and then a drunk up until a couple years ago. Her mother is also the type that blames everything on everyone and takes no responsibility for her own actions.
The last two years, none of the family really talked to her, because her conversations have been nothing but talk about drugs, cops, everyone stealing from her, hanging out with druggies, etc. None of us live that life style, siblings included, and just tired of it. 19 years later, and she will not listen to anyone. Sometimes love and help isn't enough.
After getting her out (her money she had left from the car accident) of jail, the first month
and a half was fine, so I thought good, maybe this really woke her up. I thought her being here with all the family around would maybe help this time. Then she turns around does something that was so disrespectful that you could cut the tension with a knife.
Do I believe I have a part in how she acts. Of course I do, as well as I believe her mother, her dad, and her as well. But, she is an adult now. And she blames everyone, and excepts no responsibilities. That's the problem.