Fraternity harassment and no contact order from main harasser

[t24d]

I have been repeatedly harassed publicly and privately (with evidence turned in to my university and a case filed) by members of a fraternity. Now the main person who has been defaming me has filed a no contact order (through the same department that has been aware of my public harassment) because I told the main perpetrator that if it continued I would report him again after the harrassment continued. (This is the first time I have contacted him in months other than asking about a sorority event. We used to be friends, but he has stated I was repeatedly texting and harassing HIM.)

Now many of our mutual friends are isolating me saying that they don't want to be around lest I get in trouble or they get made fun of by the fraternity. I have already been told TWICE "You are not welcome here because (main perpetrator) may show up" and then it isn't true. This is known as a 'blacklist' or where the fraternity targets the person they feel is no longer welcome with harassing people they know and not allowing the person to come to things. I told the university this would happen and they said they would immediately stop it, but now they are the ones enforcing it with the no contact order. What do I do?

 

[tranquility]

How much money do you have?

If you are a trust-fund child who has money to burn, you might be able to weave a set of legal issues together to stop the "harassment". Even then, I would be uncertain.

It seems you got an order of protection against some party in a fraternity. That would include indirect contact through others acting as an agent. It is entirely reasonable for the school to enforce the order in the way it seems they are. The person you are protected against is certainly reasonable to make sure there is no claim of indirect contact by having mutual friends help keep you two apart directly or indirectly. Let's face it, you have no legal right to have friends.

If Biff told Penelope she would not be welcomed and the next frat party if she goes to t24d's birthday party, that's not harassment, that's Jersey Shore re-framed for college. (Which seems a good idea the the idiots who make much of today's entertainment. Maybe we can have one of Trump's kids be the frat boss and wacks someone on the butt with the sacred paddle while saying "You're banned!") Maybe you should go to a poetry reading or something. The one's you meet there tend to not care about frat parties so much.

 

[t24d]

I think you've misunderstood. I'm not talking about not being able to go to frat parties, I'm talking about I've been not allowed into study sessions for my classes because people who I am acquaintances with afraid of being mocked or punished by the university for allowing me to be there. I'm talking about being taken photos of without my permission and them being posted in a group chat making fun of me. And I don't have a trust fund or money, I have scholarships and have worked my butt off to be here and this group is making fun of me public ally and my university is doing nothing. I haven't interacted with the person who filed the no contact order in months, not me being entitled to friends.

 

[justalayman]

It isn't illegal to take pictures of you and laugh at them, even as a group.

If the other kids don't want you in their study group, oh well. It's their group and they can associate with whomever they choose to associate with.

So, what do you do?

You find other kids to play with.

 

[t24d]

That's what I'm saying, they are reaching out to people who don't know me to encourage the harassment. These people in the study group didn't know anything about what happened, only that the fraternity members approached several of them and said "hey if you associate with her, bad things will happen". It's not about making friends, it's a group of people going out of their way to make my life hell.

 

[justalayman]

and your proof the frat kids are telling your friends to shun you is what?


And how does one harass you specifically if they don't know who you are?

 

[AdoptADog]

I think you've misunderstood. I'm not talking about not being able to go to frat parties, I'm talking about I've been not allowed into study sessions for my classes because people who I am acquaintances with afraid of being mocked or punished by the university for allowing me to be there. I'm talking about being taken photos of without my permission and them being posted in a group chat making fun of me. And I don't have a trust fund or money, I have scholarships and have worked my butt off to be here and this group is making fun of me public ally and my university is doing nothing. I haven't interacted with the person who filed the no contact order in months, not me being entitled to friends.

The point is, unfortunately for you, the study sessions are like a frat party. They do NOT have to allow you to participate. The question as to trust funds was to say, if you have loads of cash for litigation, go for it...if not...well, you think it unfair, but you will not likely get far in a court of law.

Take your courses, get your education. Concentrate on your courses.

 

[t24d]

Yes, someone put up a text they recieved from the person with a no contact order who is in the class on our blackboard (group study files) and warned everyone that they would be targeted too if I was allowed to come to the university sponsored study group. The study session leader took it down and said it was irrelevant and I was allowed that this wasn't ok blah blah blah but I was told by several people not to show up because they didn't want to deal with the consequences of me being there

 

[t24d]

Specifically in this instance these groups are for a grade. It's not optional.

 

[CdwJava]

For others, it should be noted that most universities do have a code of conduct that includes not harassing or making fun of other students or staff, and violating this code can result in administrative discipline including being kicked out of school. If the school is doing nothing, I suspect that there are some details to this story that either make it murky, or, this is a small private school or a community college without strictly enforced policies.

Take a gander at the "progressive" codes that many public universities have and you will understand how easy it is to run afoul of them. I strongly suspect that there is more to this tale. Or, the OP is attending a college that is very weak in this area.

 

[justalayman]

For others, it should be noted that most universities do have a code of conduct that includes not harassing or making fun of other students or staff, and violating this code can result in administrative discipline including being kicked out of school. If the school is doing nothing, I suspect that there are some details to this story that either make it murky, or, this is a small private school or a community college without strictly enforced policies.

Take a gander at the "progressive" codes that many public universities have and you will understand how easy it is to run afoul of them. I strongly suspect that there is more to this tale. Or, the OP is attending a college that is very weak in this area.

It appears the school is supporting the claims of the other party hence the restraining order

There is obviously something going on that is not being conveyed here clearly.

 

[quincy]

t24d, what is the name of your state?

It appears from what you have said so far that your reputation on the school's campus has been harmed by the words and actions of others, initiated apparently by the one fraternity member who has a restraining order against you.

What started the conflict between you and the fraternity member? What if anything has been said or posted about you that is false?

Again, your state name is important.

 

[CdwJava]

It appears the school is supporting the claims of the other party hence the restraining order

There is obviously something going on that is not being conveyed here clearly.

As I suspected.

 

[t24d]

As I suspected.

My state is Alabama.

Mainly they are making fun of me because they thought I 'led him on' and I wouldn't sleep with him specifically. He invited me to their formal event, and he didn't indicate to me that he meant romantically. I refused to sleep in the same room with him after he made a sexual advance after I said no and he continued. I stayed with two of my sorority sisters who were bunking together. (They had dates that were friends so the boys stayed in one room and the girls in another.) He says I led him on and then 'used' him to go to formal because I wouldn't sleep with him. The pictures they took making fun of me were saying I was 'on the prowl' because I was wearing a skirt and walking with two male friends. That's why the university could file a harassment report the first time.

 

[t24d]

It appears the school is supporting the claims of the other party hence the restraining order

There is obviously something going on that is not being conveyed here clearly.

My university is already in trouble with a Title IX case, they are really bad in this area. We're a really small school. The department he filed the 'no contact' order with is a part of the same department that I filed the harassment with, and when I went in to talk about why they were doing this they admitted they didn't even run the name in the system to see if he had been in it before. They said 'I'll get back to you' and I haven't heard from them in a week.