Teacher sexually harassed 12 year old daughter

[FFCBT]

What is the name of your state? Texas
It came to my attention through a niece that a Science Teacher had told my 12 year old daughter that he had, had a dream about her and that he was fighting her boyfriend over her. First off, she doesn't have a boyfriend, secondly my daughter was so scared of this teacher she didn't want to tell me and her father what he had said. She is a very quiet little girl that does what she is told in school. I was outraged! I went to the principal and he thought it was best to give him a PRIVATE REPRIMAND, so I filed with the Superintendant and got the same result. All I keep hearing about is this teacher was just signed to another 1 year contract. These people are more worried about this teacher's contract than they are my daughter's rights. I feel helpless and don't know what else to do! Please I need all of the advice I can get.

 

[HomeGuru]

What is the name of your state? Texas
It came to my attention through a niece that a Science Teacher had told my 12 year old daughter that he had, had a dream about her and that he was fighting her boyfriend over her. First off, she doesn't have a boyfriend, secondly my daughter was so scared of this teacher she didn't want to tell me and her father what he had said. She is a very quiet little girl that does what she is told in school. I was outraged! I went to the principal and he thought it was best to give him a PRIVATE REPRIMAND, so I filed with the Superintendant and got the same result. All I keep hearing about is this teacher was just signed to another 1 year contract. These people are more worried about this teacher's contract than they are my daughter's rights. I feel helpless and don't know what else to do! Please I need all of the advice I can get.

**A: please provide facts that prove sexual harassment.

 

[FFCBT]

PROOF

THE TEACHER ADMITTED TO SAYING THIS TO MY 12 YEAR OLD. BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SHE IS A GOOD KID. I AM NOT CONCERNED ABOUT PROVING IT SINCE HE ADMITTED TO DOING THIS AND THERE IS NOW ANOTHER COMPLAINT AGAINST HIM. BUT STILL NOTHING IS BEING DONE ABOUT HIM. THE RESULTS WE ARE GETTING IS MAKING MY DAUGHTER THINK THAT NOBODY CARES SINCE HE IS STILL THERE. THIS JUST SHOWS OTHER CHILDREN NOT TO COME FORWARD BECAUSE NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THE TEACHERS ANYWAY. I AM TRYING TO SHOW THEM THE RIGHT THING TO DO IS TELL. BUT WE STILL AREN'T GETTING ANYWHERE. SO IF YOU CAN HELP PLEASE REPLY. THANK YOU.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Were you wanting some advice or help from us?

IAAL

 

[HomeGuru]

It appears not.

 

[stealth2]

I think the point the guys are trying to make is that - from what you say the teacher said - there's no proof of sexual harrassment. So he told your daughter he had a dream about her. So he mentioned she had a boyfriend in the dream. How is that harrassment? Sexual or otherwise? Why does this one conversation scare your daughter so much?

Honestly? If one of my kids came home and told me something like this (or one of their friends did), my reaction would be "what a silly dream" and that's it. Not getting bent about it being sexual harassment.

Apart from that, what action do you expect the school to take? To fire him? He received a reprimand where he was probably told he should keep his dreams to himself. End of story.

 

[FFCBT]

I wanted advice. That goes to one of the responses ( Home Guru and I am always liable). In regards to the other response is that you really have to know the teacher and my daughter. We are talking about a very shy, protected little girl. After he had made these comments he moved her desk up to the front by him. So she sits right next to him(until I had her taken out of the class). Along with the other little girl that he has made comments to. He also gets mad if they talk to any of the boys. I have found out that he has other complaints against him. He puts the kids down by calling them stupid and went as far to calling another one a "stupid retard". I just need some advice about how to handle this. Thank you.

 

[stealth2]

I think you've done the best thing possible in having her moved to a different class. But I don't see that you have enough to make a sexual harrassment charge stick. IM(non-professional)O.

 

[FFCBT]

Thank you for your advice. I don't want to bring charges against him, I just want him out of our school. Other than this teacher, we have had some of the best teachers around.

 

[hexeliebe]

I think everyone is missing the point

first of all, how old is your daughter? That goes a long way in understanding the situation.

Regardless, I think it's time in this thread to reveal a little incident that happened to me some 20 years ago before women had the protection they now have. I learned a lot from it and am always careful since it happened.

I was working as a housekeeping director at the Grand Canyon and had 18 girls and women working for me. Part of my job was to inspect the work and grade them on every room.

One young lady, 18 years-old, was angry for me disiplining her earlier in the week for smoking on an unauthorized break and in a gues room. I was going into the room to inspect it when I noticed she was in the bathroom cleaning and had not yet finished the room. I stood at the door and asked her when she would be finished and received the answer "in a minute".

I then stepped back out into the hallway, waited for her to finish and leave the room then continued my inspection.

A day later I was called into the resort director's office and hit with a sexual harassement complaint. In it the young lady told the director she felt harrassed because I had "Trapped" her in the bathroom without a way out.

After all was said and done I was reprimanded and continued working for the summer when I left to live in Europe.

The point is, sexual harrassement isn't what someone says it is, it's how the receiver preceives the incident. So although you are all considering the actions of this teacher to be innocent, if the young lady was frightened or affected by an authority figure who "Had a dream about her" then it should be taken seriously.

I agree the teacher being reprimanded is probably all that's going to happen, but making your concerns known to the school board and monitoring the contact between your daughter and the teacher would be the least I would do. Also, inform the school that your daughter is not to have any contact with the teacher and discuss the incident with your daughter to let her know that her feelings are o.k.

I'm not going to blame the victim here. The teacher was WAY out of line and I would not let my daughters go near him without him receiving some counseling.

 

[FFCBT]

Thanks so much! As a parent I am glad to know that there is someone out there that understands. She is only 12 years old. No grown man has any right telling her this. We are going to meet with the School Board to make them aware of the comments. Also since then the teacher has had more complaints. Not to mention the Principle now makes comments that the parents are blowing everything out of proportion. So he is no better than the teacher in my opinion. So I have now been rethinking putting my girls in the public school system.
Thank you.

 

[Langos]

My very unprofessional response

I first recommend asking yourself, as an adult, this question.. Do you feel the teacher is a threat to your daughter?

If what you feel is YES, based on what you know about the TEACHER, prior complaints, etc etc, then yes there should be further investigation, and perhaps action, taken against the teacher. I

My hunch is, however, is that you aren't so worried about the actions towards your daughter, and you aren't so worried about the threat that teacher might pose to your daught. My guess is you desire further action because the state of mind your teacher put her in. If this is the case, I recommend you work hard on explaining the situation to your daughter the best you can. Now, to a 12 year old this is difficult, but you owe it to her to really explain the situation. It sounds to me, as it probably sounds to most objectionable adults, that the teacher said something inappropriate, yet harmless. TELL HER THIS! The lesson from this should be that dreams can sometimes be weird (12 year old term) and that it is important to carefully consider what people say to one another. It is important because sometimes people get the wrong impression, like she did. If you don't, you instill a victimized mentality in your daughter, and when she becomes an adult she will have low self-esteem, she will be afraid of people for no reason, and she will not have been properly prepared for real life.

People these days are too quick to call their child a victim. Let her grow from this. The rest of her life can either be that of a helpless victim or someone who has strength and understanding. Help her with this

Again, if you HONESTLY feel he is a threat to your daughter then that is a different story. My point is that you shouldn't be so quick to victimize your daughter. Even though she is young she can still comprehend a situation like this if it is explained in a way she CAN understand.

 

[stealth2]

Re: My very unprofessional response

Excellent post, Langos. What I was trying to say, but better said.

 

[kbear71]

IMO-did you talk with the teacher prior to going to the principal? Chain of command theory here. I am not saying what he did was right, but did you talk to the teacher about this? You can easily discuss the matter with the teacher and tell him that the type of statement is not appropriate to your daughter or you. This way you are setting a boundary for the teacher and interactions with your daughter. Go to the source first to change the behaviors, then up the chain of command if things don't change.