Brother Took Over Mom's Care And Money - Need Advise

[Teddy246]

What is the name of your state? New York

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease about 8 years ago. She is now 81 years old. I am the executor of her Will.

I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. One of my brothers took over Mom's care completely, including Mom's money. He decided all by himself to hire his wife and pay his wife over $600.00 week to care for Mom. The care my Mom gets for this is terrible. My mother is extremely overweight and he just keeps feeding her all kinds of junk food and she is getting heavier. They do no exercise with her at all. My mother hardly moves from the chair.

We have tried talking to my brother in reference to how he is handling Mom's money and her care. But he won't listen to anyone. He just took over my Mom's money illegally and won't even show us the bank books. My mother only has about $80,000 in the bank and the way he is spending it, I don't think it is going to last very long. My sister who live upstairs from my Mom (my Mom owns her own house) also takes care of Mom in the A.M. and my brother's wife comes in the afternoon.

I would like your advise on what I need to do to take this control away from my brother.
I don't like the way he is taking care of Mom nor do I think it is fair that he won't show anybody how he is spending my Mom's money.

My question is What he is doing - paying his wife to care for my mother legal? He is using my Mom's money to pay his wife $600.00 a week for just coming and feeding her a frozen dinner and giving her a shower. That's about all she does every day. My sister actually wanted to come and care for my Mom and he wouldn't allow it!! How do we stop him from taking complete control of Mom's care and Mom's money. You cannot deal with him as we have tried to get together as a family and make decisions that would benefit Mom, but he wants it his way and his words were "Sue me".

I would appreciate any help or advise you could give me. My brother is not the only child but he is acting like he is. He will not let anybody make any decisions regarding Mom's care or money. He has Mom's bank books and will not show them to anybody. I don't trust him and I wouldn't put it pass him to try and sell Mom's house or get it put under his name.
How can we stop him? Do we need to get guardianship. I have heard that doing that is a complete nightmare so I was trying to avoid doing that.

I don't believe he has Power of Attorney because I am sure if he did he would have said so. I am the exectutor of the Will, and my sister is the Health Proxy for my mother.

There are 6 children - 4 of us do not agree with what he is doing. We tried voting on things as a family but got no where. My brother will not budge on anything, especially the money he is giving his wife (from my mother's bank account).

Thank you for your help in advance. Looking forwarding to hearing from you.
Phyllis is the name of your state? New York

 

[BlondiePB]

What is the name of your state? New York

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease about 8 years ago. She is now 81 years old. I am the executor of her Will.

I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. One of my brothers took over Mom's care completely, including Mom's money. He decided all by himself to hire his wife and pay his wife over $600.00 week to care for Mom. The care my Mom gets for this is terrible. My mother is extremely overweight and he just keeps feeding her all kinds of junk food and she is getting heavier. They do no exercise with her at all. My mother hardly moves from the chair.

We have tried talking to my brother in reference to how he is handling Mom's money and her care. But he won't listen to anyone. He just took over my Mom's money illegally and won't even show us the bank books. My mother only has about $80,000 in the bank and the way he is spending it, I don't think it is going to last very long. My sister who live upstairs from my Mom (my Mom owns her own house) also takes care of Mom in the A.M. and my brother's wife comes in the afternoon.

I would like your advise on what I need to do to take this control away from my brother.
I don't like the way he is taking care of Mom nor do I think it is fair that he won't show anybody how he is spending my Mom's money.

My question is What he is doing - paying his wife to care for my mother legal? He is using my Mom's money to pay his wife $600.00 a week for just coming and feeding her a frozen dinner and giving her a shower. That's about all she does every day. My sister actually wanted to come and care for my Mom and he wouldn't allow it!! How do we stop him from taking complete control of Mom's care and Mom's money. You cannot deal with him as we have tried to get together as a family and make decisions that would benefit Mom, but he wants it his way and his words were "Sue me".

I would appreciate any help or advise you could give me. My brother is not the only child but he is acting like he is. He will not let anybody make any decisions regarding Mom's care or money. He has Mom's bank books and will not show them to anybody. I don't trust him and I wouldn't put it pass him to try and sell Mom's house or get it put under his name.
How can we stop him? Do we need to get guardianship. I have heard that doing that is a complete nightmare so I was trying to avoid doing that.

I don't believe he has Power of Attorney because I am sure if he did he would have said so. I am the exectutor of the Will, and my sister is the Health Proxy for my mother.

There are 6 children - 4 of us do not agree with what he is doing. We tried voting on things as a family but got no where. My brother will not budge on anything, especially the money he is giving his wife (from my mother's bank account).

Thank you for your help in advance. Looking forwarding to hearing from you.
Phyllis is the name of your state? New York

See an Elder Law attorney that specializes in guardianships. Bad brother and rest of family can fight over who is awarded guardianship which will be less of a nightmare than letting brother steal from mom.

If you want to be mom's guardian, apply right now to be mom's Representative Payee for Social Security at the local SS office and have the checks come to you. Keep them safe until the guardian account is open. Then, deposit the checks and arrange for direct deposit to the guardian account.

Have sister who is mom's Health Care proxy take mom to her physician for a check up immediately. When bad brother receives notice of the guardianship petition, expect a h*** of a storm.

 

[Ithildriel]

If he doesn't have POA, how did he get access to mom's money? Is she signing the weekly checks?

 

[Teddy246]

He just took control of her bank books. My Mom actually had other siblings on the bank book, but my brother took them off and added himself. He took my mother to the bank.
The bank never questions my mother. My mother doesn't even know why she is in the bank when she goes. I thank you for your advise about going to Social Security Office - I didn't know you can do that. There are 6 siblings, 4 of us agree on how things should be handled, and two differ. I have a question: Do I need to pay for the attorney to apply for conservatorship/guardianship or does it come out of my mother's estate?
Thanks!

 

[Teddy246]

More important then the money he is taking control of, what bothers me most is the quality of her care. Does my brother have the right (morally or legally) to just take over things. He believes he does. The reason I personally would want to assign guardianship is that my brother alone does not continue to make all the choices of my Mom's care and money.

 

[BlondiePB]

He just took control of her bank books. My Mom actually had other siblings on the bank book, but my brother took them off and added himself. He took my mother to the bank.
The bank never questions my mother. My mother doesn't even know why she is in the bank when she goes. I thank you for your advise about going to Social Security Office - I didn't know you can do that. There are 6 siblings, 4 of us agree on how things should be handled, and two differ. I have a question: Do I need to pay for the attorney to apply for conservatorship/guardianship or does it come out of my mother's estate?
Thanks!

Speak to the attorney about having your retainer reimbursed from mom's estate.

 

[BlondiePB]

More important then the money he is taking control of, what bothers me most is the quality of her care. Does my brother have the right (morally or legally) to just take over things. He believes he does. The reason I personally would want to assign guardianship is that my brother alone does not continue to make all the choices of my Mom's care and money.

No one without the PROPER legal authorization has the right to take over an incompetent's affairs. When a guardian is appointed, the guardian (and only the guardian) makes the decisions for the ward under the watch of the court. Guardians must know what they can and cannot do without a court order.

Right now, your sister with the Health Care Proxy has the legal authority to direct mom's care - not your brother. He can bite rocks. If you also want to make mom's health decisions, have your attorney also request you be her Health Care Proxy. It's best to have only one person in charge.

 

[Teddy246]

I sincerely thank you for your advise. I have other questions: 1) How does the Court decide who is Guardian? 2) How often do you have to go back to Court? 3) What is the average price of hiring an attorney for this? My sister who is the Health Proxy for my Mom is the one sibling who agrees with my brother - would she have a say in Mom's care if I got guardianship for my Mom? Thanks again for all your help and advise.

 

[Teddy246]

Can anybody tell me is there anything that can be done besides going to Court to get Conservatorship/Guardian? Is that my only option? Just curious what my options are.

 

[BlondiePB]

I sincerely thank you for your advise.

You are welcome.

1) How does the Court decide who is Guardian?

There are numerous factors including if one is even eligible to be a guardian. One must have an impecible background with a good credit history.

2) How often do you have to go back to Court?

This may take only one court hearing. When guardians do not "properly" perform their duties, the court will order them to appear and face the music.

3) What is the average price of hiring an attorney for this?

That depends on the attorney.

My sister who is the Health Proxy for my Mom is the one sibling who agrees with my brother - would she have a say in Mom's care if I got guardianship for my Mom?

If the judge does not change the Health Care Proxy, yes. The court order MUST include the guardian being the Health Care Proxy/Surrogate for the guardian to be the only one to direct health care decisions.

Can anybody tell me is there anything that can be done besides going to Court to get Conservatorship/Guardian? Is that my only option? Just curious what my options are.

Your ONLY other option is to allow this to continue.