Caring For Elderly Father

[newcaregiver]

What is the name of your state? California
My 90 year old father broke his hip and after hospitalization and rehab is not able to live alone any longer. In April he moved into my home but he was not physically progressing so we all decided it would be best if he went back to his home to live and we would move into his home to be unpaid caregivers. My family consists of myself, 57 years old, along with my husband and 18 year old son and our 13 year old dog. He is well off financially but extremely tight with his money. I am his trustee on his financial holdings and have his Durable Power of Attorney. We have uprooted our entire lives to allow him to live in his own home and have incurred a lot of expense in getting our own house ready to rent so it would not sit there vacant. Here is my question. My dad wants us to pay a portion of the utilities and food. We are 3 unpaid caregivers and I wonder if this is ethical or could I simply say to him, we are free help and he needs to be paying the utilities and food. (We do not consume much food or supplies as my son is away much of the time, my husband travels and I work full time and eat in the cafeteria at work.

My second question is, with the Power of Attorney, are there any expenses that I could recupe such as lost wages, gas, time spent handleing paperwork?
I appreciate your guidance. Dad's lawyer has been very unclear on this.
New caregiver.

[tecate]

Your father's attorney may be unclear because he\she represents your father's interests, not yours. He\she has a conflict of interest, and can't advise you unless your father waives the conflict, and even then, he\she may believe it to be unethical to represent anyone other than your father. If you don't get the answers to the questions you have by DIY, you may need to hire an attorney of your own to advise you.

Unfortunately, you appear to be facing a showdown with your father to clear the air about his expectations and yours. Doonesbury recently made fun of a similar situation, but the consequence of Mike's mother involving the authorities because she didn't like taking orders from her son is very real. Adult Protective Services can be very nasty if they are called in to investigate a case of financial elder abuse. If you and he don't agree, you may be faced with the option of moving back out, hence forcing him to pay for the help you and your family otherwise would have provided nominally.

Are there other beneficiaries of your father's trust? Are you the current trustee or the successor trustee?

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by newcaregiver

What is the name of your state? California
My 90 year old father broke his hip and after hospitalization and rehab is not able to live alone any longer. In April he moved into my home but he was not physically progressing so we all decided it would be best if he went back to his home to live and we would move into his home to be unpaid caregivers. My family consists of myself, 57 years old, along with my husband and 18 year old son and our 13 year old dog. He is well off financially but extremely tight with his money. I am his trustee on his financial holdings and have his Durable Power of Attorney. We have uprooted our entire lives to allow him to live in his own home and have incurred a lot of expense in getting our own house ready to rent so it would not sit there vacant. Here is my question. My dad wants us to pay a portion of the utilities and food. We are 3 unpaid caregivers and I wonder if this is ethical or could I simply say to him, we are free help and he needs to be paying the utilities and food. (We do not consume much food or supplies as my son is away much of the time, my husband travels and I work full time and eat in the cafeteria at work.

My second question is, with the Power of Attorney, are there any expenses that I could recupe such as lost wages, gas, time spent handleing paperwork?
I appreciate your guidance. Dad's lawyer has been very unclear on this.
New caregiver.

Pay yourself for being dad's caretaker & then pay for food and utilities. Keep track, with a log, of what you do for dad. Unless you are a CNA with those creditials, do not charge CNA wages. Keep in mind what you would be doing for free for dad if you did not move in with him.

[lwpat]

Blondie, exactly how is she to pay herself? She only has POA and not necessarily control of the accounts at this point in time. We do not know exactly what "trustee" means and the number of beneficiaries. She really needs to consider a contract paying for the caregiving and expenses and then paying back rent, food, etc.

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by lwpat

Blondie, exactly how is she to pay herself? She only has POA and not necessarily control of the accounts at this point in time. We do not know exactly what "trustee" means and the number of beneficiaries. She really needs to consider a contract paying for the caregiving and expenses and then paying back rent, food, etc.

Originally Posted by newcaregiver
...I am his trustee on his financial holdings and have his Durable Power of Attorney...

She has the power to pay herself. Her father is a "vulnerable adult." Having him sign a contract is not a good idea due to elderabuse issues. Newcaregiver needs to consult with her own Elder Law attorney for advice that I won't provide on the open forum.

BTW, Iwpat, that was a very good article. When it comes to Medicare paying for a qualified nursing home stay, days 21-100 are covered with a co-pay up to the point of MMI that can be reached any time between days 21-100. Then, the resident is responsible for all costs.

[lwpat]

Thanks for taking the time to read it and I appreciate your comment.

I agree about consulting with an elder care attorney. "Dad's attorney" may be unclear because he doesn't know. She needs her own attorney to advise her, especially if there are other siblings.

My comment about a contract was aimed at perserving the house from the possibility of Medicaid recovery assuming he goes on Medicaid at some point in time.