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grandma comes first

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grandma1st

Junior Member
I live in Missouri and my grandmother lives with my mother at this time. My mother has had health problems and can not care for grandmother, so my children and myself have been taking care of grandma, who needs someone to be with her at all times. She is mentally stable and knows who she is and where she is. She has some problems with her short term memory and physically she needs help to get around. We have a nurse aid to come into the home while I am at work and the kids are at school, but in the evenings and overnight one one of us is with her. My uncle, who has POA and controls all of her finances, does not want to be bothered with any of this and wants to place her into a nursing home, which she does NOT want. My uncle had told me that I have no say in this and if he wants to place her in a home I can not stop him. Since he is not physically caring for her, can he make her go into a nursing home? My children and myself are more than willing to continue to care for her until my mother can resume her care or she passes away.
 


BlondiePB

Senior Member
grandma1st said:
I live in Missouri and my grandmother lives with my mother at this time. My mother has had health problems and can not care for grandmother, so my children and myself have been taking care of grandma, who needs someone to be with her at all times. She is mentally stable and knows who she is and where she is. She has some problems with her short term memory and physically she needs help to get around. We have a nurse aid to come into the home while I am at work and the kids are at school, but in the evenings and overnight one one of us is with her. My uncle, who has POA and controls all of her finances, does not want to be bothered with any of this and wants to place her into a nursing home, which she does NOT want. My uncle had told me that I have no say in this and if he wants to place her in a home I can not stop him. Since he is not physically caring for her, can he make her go into a nursing home? My children and myself are more than willing to continue to care for her until my mother can resume her care or she passes away.
Just because uncle has POA, he cannot force granny to go to a nursing home if she is mentally competent. You only mentioned POA over granny's finances but not POA over granny's health decisions. Granny can revoke a POA. She can also make two POAs - one over health naming you and one naming uncle for finances.
 

candg918

Member
Nursing homes

Do follow BlondiePB's advice! My mother had done this, and caring for her was so much easier. I have some comments to reassure you that what your uncle is threatening is not that simple.

It is not that easy to "force" someone into a nursing home - in my home state, at least. The nursing homes require a doctor's orders and continuing supervision. Be sure that you and your mother as grandmother's caregivers have a good relationship with her doctor and go with her to her appointments. Be sure she has signed any of the privacy documents required for you both to discuss her situation with all of her doctors.

A good doctor will not "force" her to do anything. When my mother was in your grandmother's situation, I found that her doctor was the best impartial advocate she had. If she is receiving adequate care at home and he knows of her wishes, he will not provide the paperwork that is needed for admittance to nursing home or assisted living facility.

When you attend her appointments, he is also sizing up how well you are handling the situation. In my case, I was in poor health like your mother and had no one like you to assist me. I'm sure my ability to physically care for her needs factored into his assessments and recommendations. Since you are involved significantly in her care, it is really important for the doctor to know that your mother is not grandmother's only caregiver and the extent of your involvement. If and when your grandmother's doctor recommends that she needs to be in a nursing home, you will know that the family is doing what is best for her and will have no regrets.

Your grandmother and mother are very fortunate to have you!
 

Litigation!

Senior Member
grandma1st said:
I live in Missouri and my grandmother lives with my mother at this time. My mother has had health problems and can not care for grandmother, so my children and myself have been taking care of grandma, who needs someone to be with her at all times. She is mentally stable and knows who she is and where she is. She has some problems with her short term memory and physically she needs help to get around. We have a nurse aid to come into the home while I am at work and the kids are at school, but in the evenings and overnight one one of us is with her. My uncle, who has POA and controls all of her finances, does not want to be bothered with any of this and wants to place her into a nursing home, which she does NOT want. My uncle had told me that I have no say in this and if he wants to place her in a home I can not stop him. Since he is not physically caring for her, can he make her go into a nursing home? My children and myself are more than willing to continue to care for her until my mother can resume her care or she passes away.

My response:

Have Grandma revoke the POA, and then go to court to become their Conservator - - both of their persons, and their Estates.

IAAL
 

BlondiePB

Senior Member
grandma1st,
Your grandmother can do a voluntary guardianship/conservatorship and nominate you. This would invalidate uncle's POA. Guardianships can be limited (over just person or just property) or plenary (over both person and property). The guardian/conservator of a person also needs to be designated in the court order as the ward's health care surrogate/proxy in order for the guardian/conservator of the person to make medical decisions.
 

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