Lovely Family

[tedster]

What is the name of your state? Mine: California; Sister's: Virginia

My sister has been taking care of my mother since my father's death 16 years ago. My mother has started to show definite signs of dementia and has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. My mother also has narcissistic personality disorder, but not formally diagnosed (she likes to cause chaos, lacks empathy, and generally speaking: not a great dinner guest).
I believe my sister deserves a medal or beatification for putting up with her and helping her out all these long years.
As of a couple of days ago, my brother called the police on my sister for "kidnapping", which is hilarious because, well, where is she going to take her? And more importantly- who the h#$& wants her!
Shortly prior to this, my other sister has been working my mother over with statements that my "good" sister is having her phone line tapped and is stealing her bonds, etc....(all totally untrue).
My mother goes on board with evil bro and sis and is now in New York State having a new will drawn up tomorrow that excludes yours truly and my decent sister who has been taking care of my mother. Here's some irony: my sister finally managed to convince my mother to put my brother onto the will as an equal beneficiary.
Now, cutting to the chase- my sister has power of attorney that my mother had assigned to her some time before all this mess. My mother cleared out all her accounts and may have given it to the evil duo. I would have thought that POA would have meant that the bank would have to have notified my sister of any large transaction, but she says this isn't so.
Finally, the question? What kind of outcome can be expected here? My sister says she is going to get a lawyer there in Virginia, and I told her I would help pay the fees as well.
I have a third sister watching from the sidelines and is going to be included on the will. She's on the side of reality, fortunately.
Another question? Should we be notifying the police in New York?
Thanks in advance for all your help. This is all very raw and I know I'm not thinking so clearly at this time. I never expected to discover that I have scummy siblings.

[Just Mike]

It is very sad but it seems that the time of "discovery" comes along about Will time. When siblings are involved the dishonest slime shines and the honorable ones just seem to not be noticed. Very sad.

[wire]

(Note: I am not an attorney.)

You and your sister definitely need an attorney (elder law?), immediately. Hopefully an attorney here can advise you whether you need a VA or NY attorney.

Find out about holding a competency hearing, since you say your mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I could be way wrong here, but to me it seems urgent that you act like TODAY, BEFORE they draw up a new will that will only tangle things up even more. Are your siblings in NY aware of this diagnosis?

Based on what you've written, this may constitute elder abuse (financial) on the part of your siblings.

What brought about, after 16 years, your siblings in NY courting your mother and bringing her there?

[tedster]

In reply to your question: they know my mother has dementia, but now are claiming that she does not have it. (There's already a diagnosis and it would not be difficult to confirm this again).
The will is considerable, so why they need even more money while screwing over their siblings is beyond comprehension. I've never had any arguments with my brother or sister since we were kids (just the usual stuff) and they've been "nice" whenever we've spoken on the phone (a few weeks ago was the last time I spoke with my brother).
I am thinking of calling Adult Protective Services in Nassau County, NY where this is happening, but want to do things according to what a lawyer recommends. Hopefully, I'll hear back soon from my two "normal" sisters and find out from them in which direction to move next.

[lwpat]

The will is considerable, so why they need even more money while screwing over their siblings is beyond comprehension.

Not really. It is called GREED.

What brought about, after 16 years, your siblings in NY courting your mother and bringing her there?

The MONEY.

Since your sister has POA, she needs to get a copy of the transactions from the bank and medical records from the doctor. Do this now. Who has the original of the current will? See if you can find out the name of the attorney she is being taken to now. Then contact an attorney in NY.

Should we be notifying the police in New York?

It is unlikely the police will get involved, this is a family matter and they usually stay out of those.

I would contact adult protective services in NY as soon as possible. They are very helpful about how to proceed in situations where siblings take a confused and/or demented parent across state lines and start trying to change wills and POA.

If your sister has POA, attorney-in-fact, it cannot be revoked by the principal if the principal is demented or can be found legally incompetent. The principal doesn't have to be incompetent in order for the POA to be invoked. Contact the bank, invoke POA and obtain the bank records AND freeze the accounts.

You need an attorney to handle the situation if they have removed monies from your mother's accounts. You have to have evidence, so get the statements.

I have experienced a similar situation and it seems like people you thought you knew are complete stranger. It can get pretty chaotic so try to slow down and stay calm. I hope things work out for you.

[tedster]

My brother and sister have obtained power of attorney now and are requesting records of all bank accounts. What an incredible waste of skin these two are.
I am going to call Adult Protective Services tomorrow morning and hopefully they can take some kind of action.
Does anyone know what APS can do?
Thanks. I look forward to all responses.

[BlondiePB]

Originally Posted by tedster

My brother and sister have obtained power of attorney now and are requesting records of all bank accounts. What an incredible waste of skin these two are.
I am going to call Adult Protective Services tomorrow morning and hopefully they can take some kind of action.
Does anyone know what APS can do?
Thanks. I look forward to all responses.

APS has the authority to check your mother's bank account(s), medical records, etc.

What happened to hiring an attorney?

[tedster]

The primary problem with my mother is not the dementia. She can pull things together enough to recognize people, to express her hatred, and to sound somewhat rational for brief periods of time. Of course, if anyone were to ask a pointed question regarding why she hates my oldest sister or offer proof of any malicious activity, she would emotionally explode and offer nothing substantial.
The primary problem is her Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the fact that she can be easily swayed by a pair of evil a-holes who show her the attention she craves and incite her to hate her other children with false accusations.
Hiring an attorney at this point would probably be ineffective. At any rate, that's the thinking of a couple of attorneys and an Adult Protective Services worker.
For the moment, my evil sister is having my mother take her and her husband out to dinner every night and thousands of dollars are being drained from my mother's account.