My question is, why would your ex have thought about turning you in to APS if you were being such a paragon of financial virtue?
I went through a divorce while caring for my mother, being her POA and believe me, that was one allegation that never came up.
When APS gets a complaint, hears someone allege there is smoke, they tend to go look for a fire, even if it is not a big one. In a sense, it's sort of like after the fact accusing the soon to be ex of molesting the children. It was all right with you until the divorce, we assume? Your ex was cool with how you were treating your mother until it no longer benefitted him.
But then because they have received the complaint, there is the necessity that they do examine the situation. Your reaction to this examination and all your self justification for what you describe is what is off-putting. And believe me, the people here are going to be no more judgmental and cynical than the people in the court system and who do this for a living.
I did have to take the POA from another family member and the thing I kept hearing from them to justify the wholescale raping of her resources that was going on was to "keep the evil old no good in-debt government from getting her money!" And "She would've wanted me to have it anyway! That's what she said when she was in her right mind! She would've told you to just mind your own business!"
The investigators will have heard that one over and over, so when you are working on your story, lay off that theme. If your mother needs more care and has exhausted all her resources, the government will naturally step in. That's how it is set up in this country. And this person receives, or should receive exactly the same level of care that a self paying patient does.
However, when they are assessing her resources, there is that little thing of the five year look back where if it appears that someone has deliberately divested her assets (paid themselves with the warm hand versus the cold hand, so to speak) in order for her to qualify for Medicaid, they do a detailed examination of the use of her resources. If it appears they've been moved and changed in the period over the last five years, (so the government wouldn't get them) she will be denied government paid care and you will have to pay for her care out of pocket for a penalty period.
As far as "before I'd let my mother go back into one of those evil government sponsored care facilities, I'd keep her at home by myself!" sure you would. There's an old saying about dealing with elderly parents, "it's cheaper to keep her!" But as I'm sure you know, and I'm sure they provide in the placement you have for your mother, Alzheimer's and dementia patients need around the clock care, and their medical care becomes more and more labor intensive as their condition intensifies. Adequate in-home care often requires at least three reliable full time caregivers and reliable back ups. If you think it's hard to sell farmland, try finding three or four good full time in home caregivers to help your care for a difficult patient. Or try doing it all yourself. Eventually, no matter how good your intentions, you must have lots of help. It is a burden.
But if you have a clean conscience about how you have dealt with your mother's assets, then you have nothing to worry about. You just go through the process of being investigated. Don't be so injured and defensive. If you think there may appear to be some questionable action on your part, involve that attorney to advise you. There are ways to care for your elderly parent that are above reproach and will stand up under examination.
