selling mom's home/throwing in the towel

[earlofcrankcase]

What is the name of your state? TEXAS
I have my mothers house lsited for sale & want to learn all I can to avoid any pitfalls before hand.
I am executer of my mother's estate. I have a dpoa. I am the sole heir. I do not have a gaurdianship drawn up. But from the nursing home horor stories I have read searching here it is first on the list. What else?
I dont want to have any estate squandering issues with gov.
But I dont trust the government either.
" case in point "
I did not file my first buisness equipment rendition on time. The state guesstimated I had $120,000 worth of equipment. Because I did not protest this in time I had to pay tax on 80,000 dollars worth of equipment I didn't own.
My cpa says to talk to an estate atturney. A lot of posts here suggest talking to a cpa.
So what's up? get a new cpa? what?

Below is dribble writen for moral advice if their is anyone here qualified.

I used to think mom's estate would survive her. But Altzheimers is a long, hard, end.
I used to think I would get my little nut in the end. But I'm done with thinking like a squirl. If I can keep the wife & my love for her that is enough gold.
I pour concrete for a living & the idea of things like finding banana peals in the cabinets being to hard to bare has me at a loss. I don't want to let my greed get in the way of choosing what is best. I don't want my mother in the company of starngers. I dont want to loose the love. The time for hard choices is here. I allways knew this would end badley. Gut says hold on to the woman at all costs. But my mother & my father are the reason I exist. How do you value that & still value yourself if you give in before it is time? Maybe it is time? I wouldn't leave a six year old home alone during the day & that is about where mom is at now. My biggest block is not wanting to face this day. I wish the day for the choice would never come. If anybody out there has some juice with the man. I don't want to die or pay my taxs either.
Any advice?
Clues to look for in finding the best home, ect ?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Can you post back when you don't have an axe to grind or you can provide a few relevant facts.....such as IS MOM DEAD?

 

[garrula lingua]

OP: is there a senior center in your area ? they may have info/volunteer attys; try them for answers regarding a conservatorship for Mom & info on the best nursing home.
Maybe they also provide daycare for Mom so she wouldn't be home alone.

---otherwise, I'd check the local Bar Association for attys who may volunteer, or who specialize in 'elder law'.

I admire you. I hope everything eases up.

 

[earlofcrankcase]

I have sent contact information to five local law firms through the case post link here.
Hopefully I will be able to meet with one next week prior to the sale of the home. I need to submit a counter offer or pass on a bid by monday. I think I will pass so I will have more time.
No axe to grind here Breeze. Other than I have never been. (Belize) Mom is alive & holding her own. I dont care for cry babys much my self. Best I can do here is describe what the situation is. The interpretation of the words is up to you. Life is never great 100% of the time. But it is never bad 100% of the time either. This wave has been building for ten years. It will crest soon. I'm ok with the hardness of it. It is the responsibility of making the best choices for someone else's life that scares the hell out of me.
It looks like a good home is going to run around 6K a month. She is not in the final stages & caring for her is not that rough yet. But my wife has had enough.
I have a brother in Oregon living on 80 acers outside of Portland. They have three young children so his wife does not work.
Would it be an allowable legitimate expenditure to pay him $4000.00 a month for her care?
What about putting up a guest house for her to live in?
The seperate house doesn't sound all that smart for the timeline left. But I know how it feels when you cant find your keys & the first place you look is mom's pocket.
Then theres the harder question. (feel free to pass on this one Breeze)
Mom would be better off there than a home. But the children would be exposed. Would it have a bad effect on them? Or would they learn that we are pack animals & you cover the pack at all costs? Oops! Thought I was done with the axe thing. Sorry bree..

 

[pojo2]

Your post is almost incoherent to say the least. What is your question exactly? First you say you are the sole heir then there is a brother is he completely out of the picture except for what appears like a bit of fraud in paying him 4K per month to hide assets?

Later stages of Alzheimers in not a disease a family member can deal with on their own unless they have a full time nursing staff at home or can devote 100% of their time to the afflicted individual.

You are not an executor until Mom dies and you better make darned sure you can account for EVERY dime of that money from selling the house as in putting the proceeds in an account that is not your personal account.

 

[BlondiePB]

It is the responsibility of making the best choices for someone else's life that scares the hell out of me.

Then YOU are not the one who should be mom's legal representative. What on earth are you going to do when you HAVE to make an instant decision... go hide under a bed?

It looks like a good home is going to run around 6K a month. She is not in the final stages & caring for her is not that rough yet. But my wife has had enough.

Then why are you considering a nursing home rather than an Assisted Living Facility?

I have a brother in Oregon living on 80 acers outside of Portland. They have three young children so his wife does not work.
Would it be an allowable legitimate expenditure to pay him $4000.00 a month for her care?

No. You stated mom's care is not rough. What's rough here is YOUR planning about mom's money and estate.

What about putting up a guest house for her to live in?

The seperate house doesn't sound all that smart for the timeline left.

And, it's a waste of her assests.

Mom would be better off there than a home. But the children would be exposed. Would it have a bad effect on them?

What are you talking about?

Or would they learn that we are pack animals & you cover the pack at all costs?

Your poor mother. I cannot fathom having you as "leader of pack."

 

[ceara19]

I'm a little confused. In your first post you said:

I am the sole heir.

But in post #4 you say:

I have a brother in Oregon

If by sole heir you mean that mom is leaving everything to you and cutting your brother out, I doubt that he would want to care for mom in her difficult final years.

 

[BlondiePB]

I'm a little confused. In your first post you said:


But in post #4 you say:


If by sole heir you mean that mom is leaving everything to you and cutting your brother out, I doubt that he would want to care for mom in her difficult final years.

 

[earlofcrankcase]

I have 3 brothers.
I am the sole heir. I have a dpoa. My mother is alive.
questions:
I would like to get her new dentures before her house sells. She is still covered by medicare & medicad prior to the sale of the home. Is this fraud?
Will a dpoa stop a assisted living facility from getting a gaurdianship & controling her estate?
Is it an allowable legal expendituer to pay myself or another relative to care for her?
Will I be able to distribute what is left of the estate to my brothers with no taxs to them if they are not on the will?
Where is the spell checker? & Why has nobody bashed me on my spelling yet?

(quote) If by sole heir you mean that mom is leaving everything to you and cutting your brother out, I doubt that he would want to care for mom in her difficult final years.
Yesterday 07:45 AM
He was left out because of a mother's brother's wife phopar on a summer vacation almost 40 years ago.
He was the only one that had enough distance at the time my mother needed help to not be expected for it.
Another brother was left out because he mooched off of her till she was broke.
This brother now lives with my father but has straightened up considerably. In the last year my father who is 84 fell while walking his dog & broke 2 verts in his back. It would have been very hard to take care of both of my parents. He has really steped up to the plate & should receive a percentage of what is left of my mom's estate.
The third bro has been taking my mother on the weekends lately as well.
Hence the question can I distribute founds to them if there is any left.


Looks like 90% of the people here just want to joke around.
Sorry I don't have the time to state more of the whys & the where as junk for you to pick through right now but. I need to make a list of questions to go over with the atturney I spoke with this morning. Relax. There will be another guy along shortly looking for a freebe.
Till then you still have the freeway traffic you can act tuff in.
Good luck to those of you that think busting on people in need of help is cool.
I hope the seeds of your morality have taken root in your children.

 

[pojo2]

I think you might be in for a rude awakening.

Are Dad and Mom still married? If your way to hold onto this money from the sell of the house is to pay yourselves some astronomical amount until the funds are gone, then put Mom in a nursing home, good luck!

I would like to get her new dentures before her house sells.

And the funds will come from...?

Of course her needs can be taken care of!

Do you have a clue as to the progress of Alzheimers disease? Mom could live a long time to come and until she is actually dead stop dividing assets you have no idea will be around when she does pass and see that Atty!

 

[earlofcrankcase]

Mom & dad have been devorced for twenty years. The rude awakening there is if they were married dad could homestead the house & the government couldn't touch it. It isn't about the government picking up the tab while she lives in a crap home. So either way I don't see your point.
I know I'm in for a rude awakening. That is why I am here. The atturney I hoped to meet with today did not specialize in eldercare. My brother has had the same luck but together we are waiting to hear back from about 8 of them. There are only so many ambulances so the #'s look good. Out of 8 Someone has to get tired sooner or later anyway right?
I'm not really hear for advice anymore. It's more like a train wreck that you can't help but look at. I think the thing I like about it best. Is the way you guys get off on downing everyone. Seeing people with educations superior to mine acting like such kids and jumping to the conclusion that everyone is corrupt makes me feel good about myself. Don't take it too hard. People generally perceive others to be as they are and it's a natural thing.
I wont lie. I'd like to save all I can. But it's not mine to save till mom is done with it. What I'm trying to do is make it last as long as possible & keep her as happy as possible. The dentures Idea is. I presume medicare & medicade would pay as mom doesn't have the funds from the sale of her home in her bank account yet and still qualifies. It looks like it's going to cost around $4000.00 so if it is a fraud issue It would be better to pay it. Then again it's $4000.00 so that's why I asked.

 

[AlexandriaDumas]

Without understanding your post completely, you might want to reconsider selling your mother's home, that is if you want to shelter her assets as much as possible so that there will be something left for her heir(s).

Pick up the book called, "Saving Mom & Dad ... and You, here's the URL http://www.savingmomanddad.com/the_book.htm

 

[earlofcrankcase]

Thank you Alexandria. I think I better tell the realtor to stall everything till I know more. I will try to find the book locally in the morning as I'm short on time. It would help in determining an atturney's knowledge if I knew a few of the facts to questions I ask beforehand. It isn't about the money all that much. If I could find a good home that was medicare approved. That would be great but so far I haven't. I found a good place but it is $5800.00 a month. If her house nets 240 after closing. That is only 41 months & she is a tuff ol bird. Her ss payments & the intrest from cd's will make another 6 or more. And I have Heard that because of my fathers service in WW2 the VA will contribute once she is down to a certain level. What level & how much I don't know. And it's hard to guess what the facilitys cost will increase by over this time period. In home care during the day would buy more time but the wife won't go with it. I need to come up with a year or two more to be sure I have it covered. Thanks for stepping up. Good timing too. Just when I was starting to think all of these guys were hanging out here to not get cracked for loitering in the Emergency room. I have joined in on the community spirit here as you can see. And I'm sure someone would love to slip my computer a mickey about now.
If you are qualified in this feild of law I would be happy to pay you for your expertise. My cell phone # is 281 723-3038 If not, thanks again for the start.
I hope you enjoy the good life your actions bring you in the years to come.
Keep the faith.

 

[kimeez]

I had the same problem ...

This site has a bunch of weirdos that have nothing else to do but respond with sarcastic,cruel remarks . There must be another site out there in cyber- land, that is more professional .

 

[Snowey]

This site has a bunch of weirdos that have nothing else to do but respond with sarcastic,cruel remarks . There must be another site out there in cyber- land, that is more professional .

you are right .
read my last post to pojo

I understand to do things legally but when I first asked all my questions NO ONE would give me an answer.

and then when we did go to a lawyer ,everybody on here criticized what the lawyer did!

and then accused me of wanting Mom's money (what money )
GIVE ME A BREAK!

but hopefully my experience with my MIL's Alzheimers can help someone else because it is a long road ahead and I know nothing about Alzheimers.but I am learning