A man was fixing to jump off of a bridge.
A concerned fellow stopped and said, "Wait! Think of your kids! Don't jump!"
The would-be suicide said, "I don't have kids."
The concerned fellow said, "Think of your wife! Don't jump!"
The would-be suicide said, "I don't have a wife."
The concerned fellow said, "Think of your parents! Don't jump!"
The would-be suicide said, "Both my parents are dead."
The concerned fellow, now running out of options, said, "Think of Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee! Don't jump!"
The would-be suicide said, "Who are they?"
"Jump, dammit, and be quick about it!"