3-year-old in the middle

My husband has joint legal custody and partial physical custody of his son.(We live in PA). His ex-girlfriend (the mother)has a very well-paying job and lives with her mother in a house that is already paid for. So her living expenses are obviously very low. We, on the other hand are having difficulty paying our bills at the present time, due to the fact that my husband hurt his back and was forced to go on disability temporarily (herniated disc). Not much money coming in, and his company is now not interested in taking him back bacause of his reduced ability to perform heavy physical work...
Problem #1: She continues to take him to court (on average 1-2 times / month) trying to get child support payments increased. She does not care in the least what our financial situation is, and will not compromise or even discuss anything. Last time in court he was told by an officer that "you'd better find a NEW job real fast and it better pay as much as the old one because you're going to have to pay according to what you were making BEFORE!" Does this make sense???
Problem #2: The only reason that this is not a 50-50 custody arrangement, or possibly one that is split the other way, is that my husband was "nice" when the court-battles began. He trusted whatever she said. He was the one taking care of this child full-time for over a year while she was working 2nd shift. Unfortunately that doesn't count now - too much time has passed and her residence is now primary. (Child care payments are up-to-date, support payments 3 weeks behind right now).
Problem#3: She is verbally abusive toward both me and my husband IN FRONT OF the child every chance she gets. Also ignores everything that has to do with the JOINT LEGAL custody part of the order. She acts as though she OWNS this child and my husband is a baby-sitter.
What can we do to improve this whole situation??? Our lawyer is not very optimistic - seems to believe that the court is going to order an amount that would leave us unable to pay even the mortgage on the house, and we should just accept that...
Is there any way to modify the custody agreement? Are living expenses not taken into consideration at all?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StepmomPA:
[b]Problem#3: She is verbally abusive toward both me and my husband IN FRONT OF the child every chance she gets. [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Buy a tape or a video records. Never be in her presence without either of the above and record everything. Personally I prefer a tape as people hate to see a video camera in their face.

Thanks for your reply, Edward.
We already did, but were told that nothing like that would be allowed in court anyway.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StepmomPA:
[b]Thanks for your reply, Edward.
We already did, but were told that nothing like that would be allowed in court anyway.

[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

and who told you this ?? you ever watch these crime shows ? you know how many times tapes or video are used in evidence ?.

Well, here in NJ, when it comes to child support being determined, it goes by your ABILITY to make...they may do it that way where you live. By all means, keep everything IN WRITING! Phone calls, contacts made, etc....I believe joint legal custody means that you are entitled to help make school and medical decisions...start a binder and keep everything. Good luck and bless...

You are in a very unfortunate situation, but the court will expect the payments to be made in the amount the was in the original divorce decree. Some people fake it and go on disability and ruin it for the honest ones. I learned that you cannot be too nice. I assume that because some parts of payment are behind that is the reason she can get so many hearings. Be careful, they are down on "deadbeat dads" and he could wind up in jail. Keep in mind that it is not the child's fault that they got divorced, and that if they were still married the child would be entitled to the same amount of money. Also, documentation is everything. If recordings are not admissable, then have witnesses and keep a journal. You could also do a psylogical eval(expensive) or a family social study(less expensive).