Ability to block interaction w/child in custody agreement

I am currently in Illinois and involved with a man who is a divorced parent of a 7 year-old daughter. Our relationship started before the divorce. Though neither of us is proud of this fact, we were and continue to be very careful of not being physically in contact with one another when he has his daughter. When the three of us are together, it is always in very public places like baseball games, shopping malls and public playgrounds. His daughter only knows me as "Dad's friend", though she let her father know that her mother told her I was evil and that I say nasty and bad things about the daughter and her mother. Dad has assured his daughter otherwise.

The child's mother, who has had numerous affairs both during the marriage and after, which are reported back to Dad by his daughter, recently went on a legal tirade after breaking up with her latest lover. After having a parenting plan for two years, she has decided to launch a custody battle. Part of the battle is to require the courts to block me from ever having any access to her daughter. Should such a ruling occur, it would more than hamper our plans to marry and become a family.

The grounds for divorce were irreconcilable differences. She has no physical evidence that I represent a threat to the child, that the relationship has harmful sexual overtones, or that either the relationship or I put the child in embarrassing situations. Given this information, would or can any court seriously issue such an order?

The mother has frustrated visitation on two separate occassions recently because she was "certain" I was visiting and/or residing in the father's home. I was nowhere near the area. We only see each other when he doesn't have visitation and I NEVER spend the night.

Obviously, this situation is causing considerable stress in my relationship with the father. I don't want to come between a man and his only daughter. He doesn't want to risk losing the precious father-daughter relationship and feels it is in the best interest of his daughter if we stop seeing one another. Because I completely understand his reasoning and value the father-daughter relationship, we have agreed to stop seeing one another for the time being, though we still speak by phone daily. I'm crying every night because I genuinely love this man and his daughter.

His attorney is telling him that there is the possibility that I could be barred from seeing the child because the relationship began before the divorce was final.

The parents are due to begin mediation on Wednesday. If there is an attorney out there who is familar with Illinois custody law, please let me know what the chances are of the mother's spiteful request being supported by either the mediator or a judge. I would greatly appreciate your input just so I can either start working on healing and moving on or keep hoping.

If there is another person out there who has been "the other woman/man" and has been faced with similar circumstances, I would appreciate hearing from you as well.

Thank you.

[ALawyer]

Yours is a very warm and human statement. I can not second guess another lawyer who is on the scene as what one judge will or will not do is so local that it takes a local to know the lay of the land. Good luck. My prayers.

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What I can offer you is what happened to me and my boyfriend at the time (husband now). I already had a relastionship with him prior to the divorce (one of the reasons for the divorce). My daughter was two at the time, and the judge DID bar him having any contact with her whatsoever until after the divorce was final. I wish I could give you more encouraging news.
The only thing I can suggest is to try and keep the relationship alive by seeing the father when he does not have his child. Hopefully it will be over soon, and everyone can go on with their lives.

Best of luck

My situation is very similar. My husband and his ex were seperated in Oct. I met him in Oct. The divorce was final in May. He did not have visitation before May. His has told me to my face that she did not want her kids around me because she did not know me. I told her that she does not have to know me. The father of the children does, and I rolled up my car window. She has since made EVERY attempt that she could to make our lives miserable. She even said that I abused the children!!!! The children are 3 and are VERY happy when they see me. We did not even have to go in front of a judge. Her lawyer has told her that if I am not doing anything to harm the children, there is no way that she can prohibit the contact.