Abusive son and Mother won't help?

13 years ago I met my ex-wife and she was already pregnant. She told me that the Father was killed in an accident and that she was told that due to medical reasons, this may have been her only chance at having a child. This was just the first of many deceits she pulled on me. I was very young and I fell for it all. We got married and three children and at least two affairs(hers, not mine) later we divorced. Custody has been a see saw for about six years. The first child has forever been a behavior problem and has been abusive physically to his other siblings. I have always helped when she asked my to take them from her because she could not handle them. I am since remarried and have a new young child and now I am afraid that his violence will eventually be directed to the new child. Also I have recently found out that the first childs father is in fact alive and well. My ex will not take the problem child from my, which is in everyones best interest. Since I was deceived from the begining about the bio-dad, what are my options at this point? I am in IL and my ex lives in MN.

What do you mean that she will not take the problem child from you ?.. Are you paying child support for this child ? Surely there is nothing in the divorce or custody agreement that shows you as the father ?

Is she basing visitation of your actual children with having to take this problem child too ??

Kids from 1st marriage are 13,11 and 1/2 and 10 years old. child#4 from current marriage is two years old. Ex and I have joint phyical custody of first three kids. I have primary custody of child#1(problem child) and #3, ex has #2. This has been for three years because #1 was abusive to #2. At this point my wife and I are concerned for the safety of Child #3 and #4 so I asked my ex to take #1 and she has refused. Child #2 wants to live with me but my ex will here nothing of it. Our last modifcation 3yrs ago stated that there would be no child support either way as I had two kids and she had one. At this point I need #1 out of the house. All papers state that they are all my kids, I only recently found out about bio-dad's existence, she told everyone that he was dead.Do I have to terminate my parental rights for #1 and how will this effect #2 and #3 legally?

Well, this is too complicated for my little head to get around.. but, I can tell you that if you know for sure that Child #1 is not yours then you can progress legal action and have your parental rights terminated. In fact, whether bio dad was dead or not was irrelevant in a custody case, the child was not yours so you have no responsibility for him.

Someone will correct me if I am wrong.. but I do not think that a judge would order you to keep the child based on 13 years relationship if he is not biologically your child. I also do not think that you claiming the child to be yours when he was not will mean a judge forces you to keep him. What would happen in the event that the bio mom refused for his return ? no idea, I do not know if she can be forced or whether the child would be put into a home.

It should not effect custody of Child #3, but it is unlikely your ex is going to give you physical custody of Child #2.

I am not sure how her taking the child back will be in 'everyones' best interests. It will not be in hers and certainly not in the childs. It looks to me that the child will only be get worse at being rejected and thrown around like property that no one wants.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by usdeeper:
I am not sure how her taking the child back will be in 'everyones' best interests. [/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I aggree this situation has gotten worse and worse. I beleive that it is best for child#1 to be with ex as the only child, he has visited with her and when he is the only child he is not abusive, when #2 and #3 are with me they get along great. It should have been easy to switch #1 and #2,especially with #2 in aggreement, but ex is stubborn. At this point I don't want #1 to get hurt by this anymore but again I have #3 and #4 to worry about as well.

Then your only course of action is to start legal proceeding to dismiss your claim and all parental rights to the child. You ex will have no choice and then maybe, will send #2 over rather than see him get hurt.