Alcoholic X is trying to take my daughter!

[goodmommy]

My ex-boyfriend has paid me next to nothing for two years for child support. Now that I'm taking him to court, he wants joint custody. I'm a single mother working on my Ph.D in Psychology and I live on next to nothing right now. My ex would not provide a stable environment for my daughter. His idea of spending time with her includes dragging her to parties with him. Whenever I pick her up from his house, I can tell she's had no disipline and it takes days to get her back on a schedule. I can't imagine sharing custody! What are his chances of changing our agreement? Would it be in my best interest to drop the child support dispute? I need more money, but I don't want to put my daughter in danger. I'm just nervous because I'm getting ready to move to an area that is closer to him (we will be living 40 minutes apart). I know of several times when he has driven drunk with her and he even admitted drinking "mushroom tea" (a psychedelic drug) after she went to bed one night. Also my ex had son once before that
he ended up signing over his custody rights over and the boy has been adopted by his mother's new husband. Will this info be admissable in court? There were aspects of the case that made him lose custody of his other child (like giving him rum in his bottle when he was teething). Could I use this info to explain why it is not in my daughters best interest to live half the time with him? Please help me!

 

[usdeeper]

Document, document, document...

Everything you said can be used against him. In fact, you can even use details of why he lost custody of the other child.. and even, if she is willing, ask the other mother to come and testify on your behalf.

I can not say what chance he has of changing custody to joint.. but obviously there is no chance of him getting physical custody. What was the original decree regarding custody and why was it sole and not joint in the first place ?. I would assume that the fact he has paid nothing would mean a judge is unlikely to turn round and say 'sure, joint custody, why not, you are a fine example of a man' !

If you truly believe the child is in danger and you have proof, file your own changes.. modify visitation to supervised and continue with the Child Support.

Btw, joint custody does not always mean he will get to have the child half of the time. It could just mean he ‘can’ have a say in things like school, medical etc.. My wife has joint custody but do we listen to a word her ex says as regards to the future of the child ?.. haha.. yes, I find that funny too

Remember, some of the examples you give are boarding on abuse, and definitely neglect.


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SMILE - Start Making It Livable for Everyone

Divorce is a process over which children have no control. Children should not be its victims.
When parents are under stress, it is harder to be in touch with their children's pain and anguish.
It takes time, effort, and planning on the part of the parents to be able to provide for the children's needs.
In the crisis of divorce, parents may put their children on hold while they attend to adult problems first.
Sometimes separating/divorced parents find that their roles and expectations are undefined and cloudy.
If handled properly, divorce need not be devastating for children.

 

[goodmommy]

I am not sure of the agreement that was made. I do not know if the agreement is that I have sole custody or not. When my daughter was born, he was not around. He did not see her until she was two months old and the first time we had make arrangements for him to see her, he did not show up. His excuse is that he wasn't sure she was his. Because I didn't put his name on her birth certificate, the state came to us and asked for him to either sign an affidavite stating that he is her father or take a blood test. He signed the affidavite and at that time we also had the option to set up child support arrangements. At that time, I was trying to be nice and help him out so I signed a paper saying that we would handle it ourselves. This arrangement has not worked out. I get $200 monthly in whatever installments he see fit. He has just recently admitted to me that he spends $500 monthly on alcohol, whereas he has just recently agreed to pay $300 for my daughters child care, but he insists that he must pay the babysitter directly, because he doesn't want it to touch my hands. I'm scared. I don't want this to turn into a mudslinging fight. I don't want my daughter to get caught in the tension between us. My daughter is crazy about her dad and he loves her too. But he is very niave and immature for his age and there is no doubt that in my mind that I am the better influence on her. I'm just afraid that if this gets down and dirty, I will not have the strength to fight this all the way. I think that he believes if we share physical custody then he will not have to pay anything. I don't see how this could be considering his income is so much more than mine. Also his income is quite questionable. He works for cash and has not paid income taxes for the past year and only claimed $8000 the year before. Surely the fact that he evades paying taxes should be enough to question his charachter. I don't want him to go to prison or anything (that would harm my daughter more than good)but I need to know if I've opened up a can of worms by wanting more child support.

 

[usdeeper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by goodmommy:
I am not sure of the agreement that was made.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You need to check this.. to ensure that you do actually have legal physical custody of the child. For custody to be changed.. something has to have happened or be different. You can not just decide one day to file for custody or a change in custody. However, if you currently have no legally filed agreement, then that changes things..

 

[goodmommy]

The Child Support Enforcement Agency is who intervened when they realized there was no legal father on the birth certificate. On the papers, it had me termed as the "custodial parent" and he was the "noncustodial parent". Could custody be changed simply because we will be moving closer to him? As far as I know, the only legal agreement is what was agreed upon by the Child Support Agency. They did not explain different kinds of custody. I have always assumed that I had sole custody. When he was put on her birth certificate, they asked us if we wanted to draw up a legal agreement stating visitation rights and child support and we said we would handle it our selves. But they did assure me that I had custody of her. Please tell me the different kinds of custody, if possible!

 

[usdeeper]

No, custody can not be changed due to you moving closer to him. Custody is normally determind during a divorce or filing of papers into court if you are not married.

I have no knowledge of what worth the papers from the CSEA are as it may be based on an observation and not legal fact. I can not help you on that part. Anyone else ?

You stated that you turned down the offer from the CSEA to draw up papers and decided to do it yourself.. So what did you do and where did you file them ?..