Can she do this??

I have custody of my daughter she has lived with me for 6 years
every now and again her mother decides shes gonna keep her.
after about a 2 month she gives her back saying she cant stand her and she no longer wants her. this has happen 3 different times before custody was established
well, this summer my daughter went to visit and now her mother will not give her back
she says my daughter is afraid of me
(I assure you , she is not)
she also said that she has a restraining order on me but i did not recieve any papers on this
Also when she called me to tell me she was keeping my daughter
i got very angry and threatened her(the mother) she then told me that she taped me.
That leads me to my first question
would a judge listen to this tape and if so would he change custody because the mother was threatened. would this prove me unfit to my child because i said something out of anger? Can a judge at a contemp hearing give her temp custody
I went to the court house and filed a comtemp charge against her
we have a hearing on sept 8
Do you think i need a lawyer at this hearing
I know my ex will have one
I really dont want her to have the upper hand in this
I love my daughter very much and i know she is miserable with her mother
My daughter is 14 . IM sure she will be able to talk to the judge. but i know she will not be honest about things if her mother is there. Can I request that my daughter talk to the judge alone
Thank you very much for your time

[LegalBeagle]

The child is always spoken to in the judges chambers and never in front of others. If there is a court ordered custody agreement that gives your legal physical custody then you can generally get an emergency ex-parte order to have the child 'seized' 48 hours after refusal to return. It is called parental kidnapping and she can be brought up on charges.

Document EVERYTHING and when you are in front of the judge, ask to change the visitation schedule to supervised as she can not be trusted.

Can not answer the phone taping as I did not see a state.. but in most states, you have to be told it is being taped.

I always suggest getting an attorney and if you have the money get one. You should be able to get your legal fees paid for since she is clearly breaking the court order and can even be charged with kidnapping.

What did you threaten to do ? Providing it was not of a violent nature then it is irrelevant.

Document everything.. document the history and how she had done this many times before etc..

Yes a judge can give her temp custody at any hearing.. but it is highly unlikely.

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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. Which technically could mean I am an attorney, but I would not tell you either way. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

Thank you so much for your quick response
your information puts my mind to some ease
I forgot to say I live in Pennsylvania

Since this is parental kidnapping do you think I should go to the police or is this handled only in court?

To answer your question as to was the threat of a violent nature
yes it was
My ex wife has been doing this for 6 years
i just could not believe she was going to do it again. I was so angry that she would put my daughter through this again.
Now my ex is saying that shes going against the court order because of this threat but thats not true
she said she was keeping her. my threat was in response to that. Can she really use this tape against me?
Thanks again for your time and information.
one more quick question
How is it that I can get my legal fees paid for. who would I talk to about this

Personally, if it were me, I would go grab her back..

But your first step should be to the police. Show them the court order giving you custody and ask them to go with you to pick up the child. Do it today !

Oh, you are both in PA right ?

PA is 'two party' with the following exception: Any individual may record a phone conversation without the other party's consent if:

1) The non-consenting party threatens the life or physical well-being of the consenting party, or any member of his/her family.

2) The non-consenting party commits any criminal action (the statute specifically uses the example of telling the consenting party that they have marijuana they want the consenter to buy, but does state ANY criminal act).

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by usdeeper:
[b]

But your first step should be to the police. Show them the court order giving you custody and ask them to go with you to pick up the child. Do it today !
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
You can go to the police and tell hem (in NJ and PA that I know of) that she is violating a court order. If they try to tell you that it is a family court matter and there is nothing they can do...well, poppy****! It is considered a civil matter and they should assist you in getting your daughter back...

But your first step should be to the police. Show them the court order giving you custody and ask them to go with you to pick up the child. Do it today !

Oh, you are both in PA right ?

Yes we both live in Pa but different cities
I went to her towns police station and showed them the court papers and they said that they could not take her by force
that they would need the mothers consent or a legal paper giving authority to them (the police station in her city)to take my daughter from the house.
I dont understand this
whats the sense in having a court order if the police cant even get her back with it.
So what do I do now??????

Dear Dad, I completely understand your situation. I am not an attorney, but am the step-mom of 2 kids my husband had with what I thought (until I read your story) was the most irresponsible, uncaring, and vindictive mom on the planet. My step son has been through something very similar to your daughter, except that his bio mom doesn't take him and not give him back. She manipulates the child (especially every time we try to discipline him) into thinking that he needs to live with her because no one loves her the way she does (isn't that the truth). Three times between ages 7 and 12, she would get him all excited that he was moving with her and she would back out. Keep in mind we have him because she "couldn't handle him anymore" and "couldn't stand the sight of him". She shipped him to us (200 miles apart), with the clothes on his back (after all the child support we paid up to that point). Finally, in January of this year, he chose to move in with her thinking the grass was greener. She let him this time because she now has a husband (loser) to help her raise her kids (she has an illegitimate 4 year old from some other loser that her new husband raises). 5 weeks after our son moved in with her, she kicked him out. She put him on an Amtrak that arrived in our town at midnight. That's a good mother, huh? He was here only 4 weeks and, of course, got in trouble and when we sat him down to discuss it, he immediately wanted to leave. She, of course, forgetting how she can't handle him, told him "of course you can come back, I love you". He left 7 weeks ago. He is visiting this weekend, first time in 7 weeks despite our written visitation schedule. She completely disobays our court orders, she is a crummy mother, and she uses everything she can to bully us into paying her more support. Because she is such a loser, and we are upper middle class, she has the upper hand. We pay enough to solely support the child, and pay her extra money. It drives me insane, but that's a whole other story. Just know that the older child, a 17 year old daughter, has matured and sees right through her mom. They barely have a relationship. The daughter can't stand the mom most of the time and she really looks to us as her parents. Keep your chin up and don't lose faith in your daughter's ability to see all this for what it is. Her mother may be able to bully her now, but that won't last forever. I agree with one writer's advice that you should go get your daughter back immediately. Show this mom that she can't mess with you. My husband made a mistake early on by not engaging in confrontation with the bio mom for the sake of the kids and now the bio mom threatens him and plays the most outrageous games because she's used to getting her way. Don't do the same thing. Take the upper hand. She certainly won't just give you the upper hand. I hope you read this before your hearing on the 8th. Don't waste another minute, go get your daughter. Then, when you have her back, put her in counseling and give her a neutral person to talk with, someone that could be called to testify or speak with a judge if necessary. That could be the person that speaks for your daughter when she feel too intimidated to do so on her own. And, if you need support from other parents, please feel free to email us at "lesdufresne@home.com". It's good to know that you aren't alone. Maybe we can start a support group online.
Keep your head up, Dad!

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frustrated step-mom

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by daddy:
[b]So what do I do now??????[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Since the hearing is on the 8th, you have two choices. Either go back to the police and ask to speak to a senior member of the force, point out that you have a court order and that she has kidnapped your child. Specially repeat the word kidnapped.

Second, spend the time between now and the 8th documenting everything. Prepare a brief with all the details etc.. Prepare a statement about the threat if it is brought up. Remember to state that she had refused to return the child before the threat. That you applogise for the threat and that you would never carry out since a thing but it was all very VERY frustrating for her to do this to you again.

Please come back on the 8th or 9th and let us know what happens..

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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. Which technically could mean I am an attorney, but I would not tell you either way. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

Thank you everyone for the great advice.
The contempt hearing was moved up to the 6
which is today and i'm very, very happy to anounce that my daughter is finally home with me, my wife and her sisters and brother.
My ex told the judge that she was keeping my daughter because my daughter is afraid of me.
The judge said "thats besides the point, theres a court order and you are disobeying it ,now you must hand over the child immediately" I was so happy. I went out in the waiting room and told my daughter and she gave me a big smile and an even bigger hug.
Thank you everyone for all your support

[LegalBeagle]

That is great news.. Did the judge order anything else ?

Next time you will not need to ask, you will be able to act immeditely.

Good luck..