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children want step-dad to adopt, bio.-dad says no way

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J

jewell

Guest
Is there a way to terminate a bio-dad's rights if he refuses to relinquish his rights voluntarilly? My ex-husband has been in and out of jail for DWIs, terroristic threats, and non-payment of child support. He still pays no child support. He tells me to wait in line with the other people who want money from him. My two oldest daughters want my husband to adopt them. My husband is the only "daddy" they have ever had or really lived with. In fact, they refer to bio. dad by his first name, they always have. Last week I called my ex to see if he wanted to get the girls for the weekend. Nobody knew where he was until last minute and then he showed up to pick the girls up drunk!! How come it seems he has more rights or more ability to bend the law to his liking? Why is it that I definitely would be held in contempt if I refused to let the girls see bio. dad and he only gets a slight slap on the wrist with the ability to repeat his contempt? The girls' "daddy" wants to make them HIS for good and they want that, too! How can we make this happen? HELP, anyone!?
 


usmcfamily

Senior Member
First of all, let me say you are not alone with this issue......sad, but true. It would help me to better answer your questions if you would post the state in which you and your children are livin as they will have jurisdiction in this case and local statutes differ greatly.
Since you have stated that your ex would fight any move you make to terminate his rights to permit an adoption by your husband you NEED legal counsel.....the only time I would advise working w/out and attorney is when BOTH sides are in agreement and even then the laws are complex and hard to understand. So, you need to contact a family law attorney in your area! If finance is an issue you may want to try working with Legal Aid in your area or contact the state Bar Association where you are at and ask them for a referral to someone who would be willing to work out a payment arrangement but GET YOURSELVES SOME REPRESENTATION. Your case is complicated by the fact that although he is not paying support (one thing in your favor) he IS still attempting to be involved in the children's lives (not in your favor as abandonment is the easiest grounds for this action )- :) However, his bahavior (showing up drunk to take the children, and apparent disregard for the lives/safety of these kids) AND most importantly your husbands relationship with these kids and his willingness to take responsibility for them by adopting them MAY work for you. The fight will NOT be easy - courts do not take terminating rights lightly - but if you can prove to the judge that it is in the best interests of the children to be allowed to be formally recognized as the children of a safe, responsible, loving and stable man --- your husban...you just might win this. Besides, your ex may have a lot of threats and blow a lot of smoke, but in all honesty when it comes down to it with his record and activity I doubt he has the funds to wage a legal war with you and can't imagine court is a very happy place for him to be anyway! I wish you all the luck in the world.

Prayers be with you and your family
 
J

jewell

Guest
Thank you for your reply, usmc family. We live in Texas and this is a road my ex has already gone down. He was previously married before me and unbeknown to me had a child from this marriage, as well. They got divorced, she remarried and he refused to pay child support. She filed with the Attorney General's office here in Texas and he was told, pay the money or go to jail. He didn't want to do either, so he relinquished his rights because her new husband, the only "daddy" the child knew, wanted to adopt him. So, instead of pay child support he let the other guy adopt. Now, mind you, I did not know this until I filed for divorce from him.
Anyway, two years ago I hired a lawyer and took him back to court. To make a long story short, he spent some time in jail and finally his mother bailed him out and paid his child support. Since then he has not paid anything and will not, according to him. Now, to make things a little clearer, he does not call ever to see the girls. I call his sister or his mother to see if they want to get them. I have no idea where he lives, where he works, or anything. These are things that he and his family refuse to tell me. The point is that he is quite ambivalent to see the girls or even make contact. I go out of my way because I don't want to get in trouble. I have an appointment with another lawyer in a week. Of course, all the times I have been to court I have hired an attorney and he never did. He always has represented himself and he still gets away with everything. It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong?
 
J

jewell

Guest
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jewell:
Thank you for your reply, usmc family. We live in Texas and this is a road my ex has already gone down. He was previously married before me and unbeknown to me had a child from this marriage, as well. They got divorced, she remarried and he refused to pay child support. She filed with the Attorney General's office here in Texas and he was told, pay the money or go to jail. He didn't want to do either, so he relinquished his rights because her new husband, the only "daddy" the child knew, wanted to adopt him. So, instead of pay child support he let the other guy adopt. Now, mind you, I did not know this until I filed for divorce from him.
Anyway, two years ago I hired a lawyer and took him back to court. To make a long story short, he spent some time in jail and finally his mother bailed him out and paid his child support. Since then he has not paid anything and will not, according to him. Now, to make things a little clearer, he does not call ever to see the girls. I call his sister or his mother to see if they want to get them. I have no idea where he lives, where he works, or anything. These are things that he and his family refuse to tell me. The point is that he is quite ambivalent to see the girls or even make contact. I go out of my way because I don't want to get in trouble. I have an appointment with another lawyer in a week. Of course, all the times I have been to court I have hired an attorney and he never did. He always has represented himself and he still gets away with everything. It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank you for your reply, usmc family. I live in Texas and this is a road my ex has already gone down. He was previously married before me and unbeknown to me had a child from this marriage, as well. They got divorced, she remarried and he refused to pay child support. She filed with the Attorney General's office here in Texas and he was told, pay the money or go to jail. He didn't want to do either, so he relinquished his rights because her new husband, the only "daddy" the child knew, wanted to adopt him. So, instead of paying child support he let the other gut adopt. Now, mind you, I did not know this until I filed for divorce from him. Anyway, two years ago I hired a lawyer and took him back to court. To make a long story short, he spent some time in jail and finally his mother bailed him out and paid his child support. Since then he has not paid anything and will not, according to him. Now, to make things a little clearer, he does not ever call to see the girls. I call his sister or his mother to see if they want to get them. I have no idea where he lives, where he works, or anything. He refuses to carry health insurance on them so, my husband and I always have but my ex refuses to reimburse us for the insurance or even medical bills. My ex is quite ambivalent to see the girls or even make contact. I go out of my way because I don't want to get in trouble. I have an appointment with another lawyer next week. Of course, all the times I have been to court I have hired an attorney and he never did. He always has represented himself and he still gets away with everything. It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong?
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
I wanted to get you this info now so that you can look at it -- I am headed out the door and will try to get you a more detailed answer/explanation tonight...okay? In the meantime please visit this site which has the regarding termination of rights/adoptions for the state of Texas....one interesting thing I have already read is that Texas is supposed to be one of the easier states to do this in - I have a lawyers name/website and will get that to you as well later, k? http://capitol.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/codes/FA000059.html.....good luck!
 

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