Complicated divorce: American abroad

[BetrayedM]

I just talked to an online legal here about my proposed divorce and child custody matter. Apparently my case was so unusual that he had no advice other than that I should post the matter here. I hope one of you can help. Email me at [email protected] please.

I have an unusual situation. I am an American Citizen, but live in Chile as a College professor and have done so for over 4 years. I am a permanent resident of Chile (akin to having a green card). My wife is under the same residency situation.

We have 6 kids, ages 4 to 12 who live with us. We were married in Michigan 16+ years ago
My wife has been committing adultery with many (at least 5 men and one woman) over the last few years (or maybe longer). I have emails and other evidence of this fact. I, on the other hand, have been faithful. So I want a divorce for cause. I just cannot take it any more.

I also want the kids, and the older ones have said that they would want to go with me. They have seen mom getting naked (or close to it) in front of the PC camera and write sexy notes to boyfriends who were just seen by them as big penises on the screen. They are not pleasaed with my wife either to say the least.

My wife does not know that I know about her affairs or that I am planning to divorce her yet.

Now here are the problems: (1) Divorce is illegal in Chile, (2) we are not residents of a USA state, even though I am willing to move back to become one to make the divorce work, and (3) I may have a job change to Guatemala soon.

I can divorce in Guatemala but it will be a bit complicated and take some time. Also the courts there might favor splitting the kids between us which would be bad.

So I need to know how to proceed. The assets we have are mostly in an irrevocable family trust and will likely be dealt with apart from this matter without much difficulty.

I am 37. My wife is 35 and used to be an LPN. I want to be able to move with the kids without her approval.

Here is what the advisor said:

Advisor1: That could be a problem if divorce is illegal in Chile and you do have to be in the U.S. and a resident in a state to get a divorce here. I really don't know what you can do until you return to the U.S. Are you able to get a divorce in Michigan, the state where you were married?

Reply: I want a divorce for cause. I have seen on the net that South Dakota and Idaho have little residency requirements and permit divorce for cause. I am willing to go back to the best state that meets my needs the fastest. Where would you advise? Would you suggest getting her to sign a form for custdy on threat (if it could be done in such a way to not be blackmail -- suggestions?) that in will expose her and her lovers if she does not? Michigan is complicated because it takes 6 months of residency at least and there is no divorce for cause.

After looking at all the states, it seemed like Idaho and SD best fit my case to make it go fast. I have also been thnking of getting a form for child custody. Does anyone have one that would work for me?

The get a lawyer page on this site says they have no lawyers listed under IDAHO or SD, at least none for divorce, etc.

 

[usdeeper]

I hate to see questions unanswered.. but I am also not sure what you want to hear. It sounds like you already know that your best bet is to return to the US.

Do all your children have US passports or the correct paperwork to enter the US ?. If you pack your back and move yourself and all the children to the US, does your wife have paperwork for her to enter the US ?.

As for attorneys, try http://www.divorcenet.com They have some listed for both those states.

Personally, I believe your best bet is to speak to a few attornies in those states to get a feel for what needs to be done, and then return to the US to sort it out.

Oh, also try http://www.mycounsel.com/app/consumers/findlawyer/

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SMILE - Start Making It Livable for Everyone

Divorce is a process over which children have no control. Children should not be its victims.
When parents are under stress, it is harder to be in touch with their children's pain and anguish.
It takes time, effort, and planning on the part of the parents to be able to provide for the children's needs.
In the crisis of divorce, parents may put their children on hold while they attend to adult problems first.
Sometimes separating/divorced parents find that their roles and expectations are undefined and cloudy.
If handled properly, divorce need not be devastating for children.

[This message has been edited by usdeeper (edited July 25, 2000).]

 

[BetrayedM]

THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY. Yes I was hoping for another option besides moving back to the USA.

All of the kids have USA passports. My wife does as well. She is an American. So she can enter the USA.

I am looking ont he page you mention and I do not see any attorney. In a sense, I have an advantage living out of the country since I can pick any state to go back to. But that is the only small advantage. This process looks to be grievous and costly.

I will do my best to minimize the toll taken on the kids.

As for attorneys, try http://www.divorcenet.com They have some listed for both those states.
http://www.mycounsel.com/app/consumers/findlawyer/