Concerned parent

Long story, but here goes...My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 10 years. Most of that time has been in Michigan. We just recently relocated to South Carolina (about 3 months ago)for my job. We have a child together (1 year old-born in Michigan). We decided when our child was born that someone was to stay home-no day care here. So my boyfriend is a stay at home dad and I am working and supporting the "family" Now that we are in South Carolina, we're having problems and I am concerned we might separate. Even though I work, I am the mother. Can he take the child with him back to Michigan? Would I get custody cause I'm the mom? What rights do I have as the mother since I'm the breadwinner and supporting the "family?" I don't want to lose my child in any way. Any advice?

[This message has been edited by Merge (edited October 26, 2000).]

[MySonsMom]

If you are going to separate then you need to file for custody. I would not allow him to take the child with him to Michagan. (my opinion) But he has been the primary caregiver, so you should take that into consideration. Would it be best for the child to be with you, or him? That is what you need to sort out. It doesn't mean that you would be a bad parent, or you have done anything wrong; just think what would be best for the child. Good luck!

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

I am a law school graduate. What I offer is mere information, not to be construed as forming an attorney client relationship.

Get married with a prenup giving custody to you? Perhaps leaving a paper trail of your concerns?

There is nothing to be done since no court order is in place, he can take the child with him.

Perhaps arranging for day care and then only allowing you to have the authority to release the child might be a protective avenue?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MySonsMom:
[b]If you are going to separate then you need to file for custody. I would not allow him to take the child with him to Michagan. (my opinion) But he has been the primary caregiver, so you should take that into consideration. Would it be best for the child to be with you, or him? That is what you need to sort out. It doesn't mean that you would be a bad parent, or you have done anything wrong; just think what would be best for the child. Good luck!
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I disagree with MySonsMom being that just b/c the father was the primary caregiver doesn't mean the mother should let the child go with the father. The mother was off working while he stayed at home with the child but she was woman enough to go work to support the family,which is rare these days for the man to stay home while the woman works,so i don't think that she should just go by that to decide that the child would be better with the father. Make any sense? I hope so.I feel that a child needs it's mother more than it's father. I'm not bashing men b/c i know that men can do just as good as women at raising kids but to me it's a bonding thing that a woman and her child go through after birth.

[MySonsMom]

JustLooking:

I wasn't saying that it would be best for the child to be with the Father...I was asking her to look at their situation to see what would be best for the child. I agree with you as well, as many on this board know this about me...There IS no love like the love of a Mother (and that is just my opinion)..But with a situation as she is in with her family..This child has been with the Father for the vast majority of his/her life. I think that a sudden change as such may be quite devastating for the child in such a situation. Only she knows what kind of relationship this child has with the Father...and that was the only think I was suggesting..Is for her to investigate all options. If this child is still very young, I feel that a change as such would be more devastating rather than being older. So yes, I agree with what you are saying..I was only suggesting for her to examine her life and her families life to see what option would be best. That's all.

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

You are correct MSM.. i do see your point of what you were advising. Now, i have a 4yr old and i was the primary caregiver for her while her father worked. However, when we split he refused to let her live with me b/c i was moving out of state. Now, i had no money to fight for her so i thought it was best for her to stay here with him and her grandparents(2 sets). I know it was wrong but how could i fight when i had nothing. Anyway, my point is that my ex didn't think that it was the best interest of the child to be seperated from her mother when she had such a great bond and i was the primary caregiver.I don't know what my point was but when you're on a roll, you're on a roll..

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Merge:
[b]Long story, but here goes...My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 10 years. Most of that time has been in Michigan. We just recently relocated to South Carolina (about 3 months ago)for my job. We have a child together (1 year old-born in Michigan). We decided when our child was born that someone was to stay home-no day care here. So my boyfriend is a stay at home dad and I am working and supporting the "family" Now that we are in South Carolina, we're having problems and I am concerned we might separate. Even though I work, I am the mother. Can he take the child with him back to Michigan? Would I get custody cause I'm the mom? What rights do I have as the mother since I'm the breadwinner and supporting the "family?" I don't want to lose my child in any way. Any advice?

[This message has been edited by Merge (edited October 26, 2000).][/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

There is no way to protect yourself against this as there is nothing to stop either of you taking the child and leaving the state. It would however have a little impact on the custody case as it could be shown that by taking the child, he would be denying you easy access to the child. This could put a question in the judges mind about how he will be in the future.

Bottom line, if he wants to take the child back to Michigan then he can. Has he got SC licences yet or still using MI ?

One further point is that MI still has jurisdiction of the child as you have not been in SC for 6 months. This means he could return to MI and file for custody almost immediately.. and if you filed in SC, he could probably have it thrown out. This changes in 3 months.

You know, I could ramble on and on about the possible outcome her and possibilities but, to answer the question, yes he can. Let us know if and when he does something and we can advise you further..

Oh, not trying to depress you or anything.. but SC is one of those HillBilly states with the Common Law Marriages. So don't tell anyone you are married !!


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Psst... I do not work for Macdonald’s or Burger King, and even if I did, I would not tell you. For sloppy bread, tired tomatoes, frozen onions, watered down mayonnaise and imitation meat, please find a drive through window with a person who openly admits they make that stuff.

My advice above is equal to the advice they would give if you asked that person a legal question.

Thank you all for your input. I kind of figured he could leave and take my son with him, but I hope it never gets to that point. But if we did separate, he would have to go back to work which would result in daycare. I work no more than 40 hours a week and all my other waking hours are spent with my son. Even though my boyfriend is the primary care giver, would a court recognize that and give him primary custody over me? We would both be in the same situation and working full time. And in this case, doesn't the mother usually get the children?

Another question. If there are concerns, should I make sure we get through at least 6 months here?

.

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Merge:
[b]Another question. If there are concerns, should I make sure we get through at least 6 months here?[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

In your case, custody could go either day.. and yes, it would be much better to wait 6 months if you can. That way, the moment he takes off, you can file a temporary custody order and also full custody papers into the SC court system.