court date in 2wks - help!!!!

we have a court date in two weeks for custody of my stepson. we currently have him one week & his mom has him the next.we filed for full custody in feb. one year after the first court order,she totaled her car and went to rehab .WHY WASN'T THE FATHER LEGALLY NOTIFIED? her parents lied to us and said she was working nights etc. we knew something was fishy so we video taped her never picking him up . anyway - she continued her drug use and even dropped him off loaded (never to pick him up so we could tell her no) in jan of this year she told someone we know she was going to california to "clean up" then she told my husband she was going out of town for the weekend and her mom would drop him off. well... her week came around and my husband told her parents they could not pick up the boy - she flew back the next day. she told other people she went to see a boyfriend-who knows - who cares.oh - the boy started school.we had him the first week - the second day of the second week the teacher called and said there was an extreme difference in the boy(in our favor). in depostitions the mother was asked were she lived , she said on week with her mom and one week with her boyfriend. WHAT??? we have a wonderful family to offer -three other children and a nice home. court in two weeks - our lawyer wants us to get witnesses that have seen her do drugs . why? will the judge order a test? what will it take to get a test that goes back further than one month.(i am sure she has cleaned up for court) why does it seen like if my husband would have violated the court order- she would have gotten custody in a second?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SYSTEM?? someone please give us some good advice . GIVING IT TO GOD * IN TEXAS

Hi lulu, I went to court almost a year ago, for a custody hearing and I know a little bit of what you are going through. My boyfriend was told I was using drugs and the Judge ordered a hair folicle drug test, that is suppose to go back atleast three months. In which case i passed it, but he was just being diry about the custody for our son. I hope in this case you get what is best for the child if the mother is using drugs she does not deserve the child. Something needs to be done for the best interest for the child. The mother sounds like she has not grown up. I hope everything does work out. Let me know I'd like to knopw the turn out. Just ask your attorney about a hair folicle drug test. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lulu171700:
[b]we have a court date in two weeks for custody of my stepson. we currently have him one week & his mom has him the next.we filed for full custody in feb. one year after the first court order,she totaled her car and went to rehab .WHY WASN'T THE FATHER LEGALLY NOTIFIED? her parents lied to us and said she was working nights etc. we knew something was fishy so we video taped her never picking him up . anyway - she continued her drug use and even dropped him off loaded (never to pick him up so we could tell her no) in jan of this year she told someone we know she was going to california to "clean up" then she told my husband she was going out of town for the weekend and her mom would drop him off. well... her week came around and my husband told her parents they could not pick up the boy - she flew back the next day. she told other people she went to see a boyfriend-who knows - who cares.oh - the boy started school.we had him the first week - the second day of the second week the teacher called and said there was an extreme difference in the boy(in our favor). in depostitions the mother was asked were she lived , she said on week with her mom and one week with her boyfriend. WHAT??? we have a wonderful family to offer -three other children and a nice home. court in two weeks - our lawyer wants us to get witnesses that have seen her do drugs . why? will the judge order a test? what will it take to get a test that goes back further than one month.(i am sure she has cleaned up for court) why does it seen like if my husband would have violated the court order- she would have gotten custody in a second?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SYSTEM?? someone please give us some good advice . GIVING IT TO GOD * IN TEXAS[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I am so tired of step mothers writing on these boards talking about how "wonderful" their homes are and how "happy" their home life is.

I would like to give the custodial mothers a pat on the back for enduring all these second wives.

You taped her? Don't you have something better to do with your time?

You won't get custody and for heaven's sake, leave God out of it. You know God doesn't make preferences and He might be looking out for her instead of you.

Your dribble that you are so concerned about this and that, why isn't your husband so concerned? I think it sounds like you have a vendetta against her.

Follow what your lawyer said and get the dirt you need on her lady and watch the Texas court system laugh you out into the hall.

Well , I can tell you are new at this game . I am here to tell you it is just the beginning . The courts ALWAYS favor the mother no matter what the father can provide for the child . In some cases itt is good because I do believe the child needs it s mother but under circumstances such as this i believe the father can give the child a better enviroment . All i can say is maybe you two need to talk to her personally . Do not threaten her because you will not get anything out of her that way . Does the child spend more time with her mother that her ? Can you prove that she does drugs ? Have you tried to get the police report on her accident? Will the teacher testify about the childs attitude ? All i can say is document everything . Everytime you talk to her make a jounral get school records and keep an eye on him when he comes over . Because if you lose this battle it does not mean you will lose the second if you have all your ducks in a row .But please do not try to take her child away from her out of spite because no mother or child deserves that .

thanks for all the postive and as for the negative- i have no vendetta against this woman - i feel for her son . and from the beginning i told her - you are his mother and no one can give him what you need to give him .my home is wonderful and full of GOD.this has everything to do with him! oh yea read again - she was never there to pick him up - that's what we video taped! i will not waste my energy on your neg. thoughts.
i've had this child most of his life and i love him . the ideal situation would be for the mother to get her life together . yes he spends more time with her mom than her . when he started talking he called me and his grandma mom.i told him to call me by my name . now four years later he is asking if he can call me mom . my heart is in the right place . i have three children of my own. we have tried to talk to her - many times.this is a very - very difficult thing to go through . this will be the last time - we can't afford to do this again. whatever happens will happen for a reason - we will live with that.

Well having been on both sides of this fence all I can say is GOOD LUCK!! When I was with my ex husband we had possesion of his child fromthe age of 18 mos to about 6yrs old at least 6-8 mos out of the year, still had to pay his ex child support, picked the child up with bruises covering his body, took him straight to police dept to file reports before we left her town, took her to court for custody adn each time she was awarded more child support and we were laughed out the door. Now being a ssingle parent on my own and having this same man making my life a living hell with our son together taking me to court continuously for reasons such as... I lost my job, so he could be a better provider, I had to move out of my house, so he could provide a more stable environment.. it amounted to kicking me when i was down, so I appreciate now the Court System.. He has paid me $200.00 a month in child support for the past 10 yrs and out of that I have spent twice that much fighting to retain custody of our son in court. SO like I said, Good Luck.. TX Courts are in favor of the biological mother...

Hi, lulu . . . I am a mother and stepmother as well and I say God bless you for loving this child as you do. My husband has had sole custody of his 2 children ages 9 and 10 for 8 years now. The bio mom has seen them once since the divorce. We have been married for almost 6 years, and I love them dearly. Unfortunately, just because a woman gives birth, doesn't mean she has the best interest of the children in mind.

As far as God goes, please keep Him in your lives . . . He's the only One that can you the strength you need!

I tell my 2 kids . . .You didn't grow under my heart, but in it!!

thanks 3xmom!! this has been hard.i have an ex that is remarried. she is very young but she is a wonderful person and good to my children . i thank her often. i wish my stepson's mom could understand that feeling. it is not a game to win. after months of turmoil, it is time to give it to GOD. it's nice to hear from people who know where i'm comming from. thanks!!!! i will let everyone know what happens.

I am a step mom and I know how you feel LuLu. My husbands ex is a drug user. We have a court in Nov. for emergency custody. My hasbands ex has not seen or talked to their kids for 4 weeks. She was arrested not to long ago and said she could not face her kids. Now that she only got probation she wants them. What a mom now she can tell them she is not in trouble and mommy is ok and make promises after promises to them, only to break them. I am sorry for the neg. post you got and I would like to ask that person who picks up the pieces when MOMMY decides not to show up and breaks promises, STEPMOMS DO. I have always told my step children that they only have one mommy and that I am here as a friend, someone you can talk or laugh or cry too. Let me tell you as a mother it breaks my heart to see them look around for their mom at games or practices because she promised them she would be there only for her to never come. I could never ever do that to my son or can I now do it to my step children. How are we supposed to answer the Q of WHY? My step children have been through a year of hell with the bio mom and live in boyfriend being on meth and the violence that has happen because of it, (not to the children it was the boyfriend hitting mom). When we got the children three months ago we had problems with the children (twins ages 10 boy and girl). My step daughter had such a potty mouth is was just nasty and she got grounded for it one day and said I can't help it I hear from my mom all the time, then ran in the bedroom saying she hatted her life. With my step-son he had a problem hitting his sister it had happen 6 times the last time he grabed her face pushed her down on the bed and slapped her. That is when he told us well I see my mom's boyfriend do it to my mom when he gets mad at her. Nights of nightmares and one or both crawling into my side of the bed to be held. I choke down my tears and I zip my mouth and just hold them. I am in tears as I am writing this. I have never said a bad word to the mother she has called me names several times most of the time I am not present, its only names and I will not lower myself to lash out at her. My focus is the children who I love and who love me, I thank god I have the relationship I do with my step chilren. For someone to say we should not write to this board we as step mothers have every right because we swallow are anger and hurt not to cause any more hurt to the children. This board is a board for moms, dads and step because the reason why us step parents write is because we care enough to do so. Me and my husband both write to this board. I give step mothers a pat on the back for caring enough and enduring the mothers who put their addiction or selfishness before their own children. We as parents are here to teach are children love, morals and self respect for them selves and others not to show them self destruction. How are they supposed to grow as productive adults? We will protect our children at whatever cost because that is what a parent is suppose to do regardless if your bio or not. They will grow up and they will understand and only then will the bio mother be asked why. My step children love the bio mom and always will thats the only thing they know how to do. Facing them now is not an issue it will only be when they are grown will she really have to face them. To the person who wrote the neg. post to LuLu, the home they are in now is "WONDERFUL" compared to the home they was in. Peace, love, and respect for yourself and each other**************..Good luck LuLu my prays will be with you....

thanks so much . all this positive feedback was worth reading that one - well not so understanding letter. yes it is a shame some people do not realize that children learn what they see & live . this child was saying bad words that my older children had not even heard of - some of them even blew my mind. the sad part about it was, he was just starting to speak and she thought it was funny. i didn't. he was about 2 yrs and we were in walmart , a young girl walks by and he screams " you b----" i almost fell on the floor. what do you do? he doesn't know what he has said and i knew he didn't hear that at my house.but this girl - what is she thinking? just recently (he is 4)back in walmart,i have a pretty full basket and of course the isle we are on is full of people . the boy tells my in his loud 4 yr old voice "i guess your gonna have to steal some of this stuff because i know you can't pay for it " WHAT????? all i could say was"i don't know who talks about stealing but thats one of jesus' rules that i don't break" yea my mom said that was good but what are all these people thinking. i have two older children that i never delt with problems like these but that is because he hears that at her house . i wonder if he has ever done that to her ? i do have to say she is trying to look like she has her life togetherfor court (she did last time too) what does it take for them to realize that their child's life & well being is at stake? your situation scares me because that is what i see in my future.he already rebells against her and he is 4. what will he be like at 12? just like you , i will be there when he needs me. you know , it's funny, my dad remarried 14 years ago to the most wonderful woman- MY STEPMOM- i love her so much . i often ask her advice on my situation and if i can do half as good as she has , then i'll know i've done good!!! thanks for the thoughts & prayers lulu

If all of you step mothers were so concerned about the step child you would be more respectful of the mother child bond that you as a step parent could never replace. Unless the child is in danger of abuse, neglect(I mean true neglect, not because he/she didnt get what they wanted) what right do you have to say take him/her away from them, I can raise them better? You are the ones that are money hungry and are so worried about how much money the fathers have to pay for child support. It is funny when you look at these boards and see how many STEP Mothers are the ones posting for the BIO FATHERS, cant they speak for themselves?