court ordered child support

i was wondering if i have to go back to the state of utah to file for court ordered child support. my child and i have been gone for more than 6 months. father dodged recov. serv. forever. closed case before i left. he has ashown no interest in my child except when he wanted to play daddy for relatives which only happened twice. i don't have any objections to visitation as long as our child does not have to fly back to utah. my husband is active duty military and is the only father my son has known. we have considered not going after support and just leaving things the way they are. my son has a very happy life and loving parents. his bio dad is mentally unstable, cannot hold a job for more than 3 months, and cannot make it out of his mothers home. his name is on the birth certificate and he signed paternity papers at recovery serv. and vital statistics. do i still need a paternity test? does he have to be present for the court to order child support? i have no information on his income if he even has any. if i die i do not want my son to be with him. he cannot even take care of himself. should i wait a few years and see if he contacts anymore ? multiple opinions would be fine. i do know that visitation and support are separate issues, however i will not keep his child from him when support is ordered that would be wrong. i don't want to get stuck with the bill for airlines and hotels for this loser either. thankyou for your time and thought. rosie

I'm no expert, but from what I've read, if something "happened" to you (which I hope it doesn't!) then your child would go to your ex-husband since he is technically next of kin. If I were you, I would consult an attorney about drawing up a will and having your wishes stated in a formal legal fashion. Perhaps someone else could better answer your questions about the support. Your situation is alot little different than
mine. Good Luck!

[usmcfamily]

Hi!
We are currently in a similar situation as far as my husband now being the "daddy" to my daughter and the bio-father being non contributory. What I have been told thus far is this - - if something happens to you the custody of your child automatically would go to the surviving biological parent (doesn't make much sense to jerk the poor kid out of their "home" just because someone else contributed genetic material but that is how the law reads) there are, however, a few things you CAN do. First of all I suggest talking with a lawyer in the area (your current duty station) - I know firsthand that being military makes it difficult to have any kind of residency but start there and explain your situation....they will be the ones best versed in the law of that state. From what you have said I can see NO real advantage whatsoever to bringing the bio-father into the situation for any reason EVEN child support. Ask this question of yourself - is it worth the emotional damage that he could do to your family for a monthly check? If your child is emotionally bonded to your husband are you willing to risk having the bio-father come in and mess with that? I really see no benefit to bringing what you refer to as an "unstable" person into your childs life - for any amount of money let alone what you MIGHT be able to get for child support. I would tend to look more towards terminating the bio-fathers parental rights and proceeding with adoption by your husband. I know that military income isn't the greatest....but we are making it quite fine without the child support and are much happier without the baggage that would come with it. If you want to talk....e-mail me.

to usmcfamily: I am so glad to know that we are in the same boat although i would'nt wish it on my worst enemy. we have made it fine without his help. my husband would love to adopt my son, but bio dad, even though he has nothing to do with our child will not sign rights over. my son is a possesion of which he only wants legally. I have faith that all will be O.K. sometimes just keeping myself convinced of that is a major chore. i think you are so correct in stating that it would be for the best to let it all go, be happy with life as it is even though i know i must accept that i have no control over anything or anyone. we never were married, there are no court orders for anything. you cannot make someone be the parent you wish they wanted to be, nomatter how much you wish they knew what they were missing out on. my husband loves my son with all his heart. i guess i need to wake up and be thankful for all that my son and i have been blessed with. boy are you right about military pay not being alot, but its more than alot of people have so i cannot complain. is all military info confidential? i hope that he cannot find us through them. he has threatened to take my son from me as in steal him. can i file a restraining order? thankyou for your reply