custody

i'm a grand mother of (2) and have had temperory custody of them for 1yr. and had them in my home for 2yr. their dad is taking me to court to get them back. he has a 2 bedroom trailer (that belongs to me )that' in real bad shape and not fit for the kids to live in ,he drinks and does drugs,about every 3 months he gets his utilities turned off,he is very irrisponceable,the thing is, he has a lawyer and i don't. my husband works and makes good money and we live comfortable but can't afford an attorney. what advice can you give me??

You are really going to need an attorney. Have you called any in your area to see what they want for a retainage fee. You might be supprised, they may not ask for much. If they do, see if there is a legal aid office in your area.

But I strongly suggest you get legal representation. If you don't know the laws and out to present your case in court....well you could end up losing the children.

Good luck and God bless.

You can do a lot of the 'leg work' yourself. Collect all the proof together, picture of the trailer, proof of the utilities being cut off if you can and more importantly, proof of the drink and drugs.

Once you have all that together, write up a full brief with all the details, history and attachments of proof.. that way the attorney will not have to do as much work. Also, if you have the proof the hearing should only last a short period before the request is denied and thrown out.

Still a lot of money, but you could probably find an attorney willing to take this on for $500 retainer or less.

Do you know how he is able to afford an attorney considering the life style you describe ?.

he has a good job right now .but he just works for a while then he quits . he is very unstable. he wants the children just to prove he can get them. he has paid no support on these children since i've had them an there is a court order for him to do so. i've also adopted his youngest son which is going on 3 an i got him when he was 8 months old. it's the 2 oldest ones he wants an it is just for show.

Don't you just hate that.. when it is all about control ?. My wifes ex is endlessly trying to control us and have everything his way... now that he has a better job he has started with legal action and none of it is in the best interest of the child..

YES!!! and the bad thing is, he don't actually want the children,he takes them to there mother and leaves them on his visitation days. she don't want them, she signed all her rights away. i took them to court because they were fighting about who would keep them, and they had left them with me, the yr. before and had not come back to get them. now the court says he has to pay child support and this is why this has all come up. the reason he can afford a lawyer is because he lives in my mobile home ,(rent free)and has noone but him and his habit to take care of

Have you thought about kicking the bum out? This guy......is he your son or ex son inlaw. Either way make him find another place to live, then he will have to come up with a security deposite and rent.....then he might not have enough money for an attorney.

Good Luck and God Bless

Just remember... the more money they have in their pocket, the more money they have to get an attorney and burn you.. each dollar he is saving by living rent free, is less money for you.. and more money for him.

he's my son, and the reason i let him live there is to keep the place up .we have two lots there and he keeps them mowed. plus that way i can keep up with him when he has the children. he bought a new blazer yesterday, making 300.00 amonth payments plus ins. can i use that against him in court considering he's suppose to be paying child support and don't.???? he has money for everything but his kids. he's bought one son a pair of shoes in two yrs. won't the judge look at stuff like that???

Yes the judge will look at and consider these things. Bottom line.....he owes you money. If you file contempt charges against him and he is threaten with going to jail, he may want to negoiate. You could ask him to sign away his parental rights to you and you will forget the arrearages. If he will do this....its over.

Since he is your son, and a mothers love is unconditional, by letting him live there and threatening to take the kids from you, well....you are enabling him to do these things. At this point the grandchildren should be your first priority. If they don't have you to protect them.....who will. It sounds like the mother isn't a good role model either.

Good luck and God bless

i do put the children first, but i do love my son, that's what makes all this so hard. the mother is worthless as a person. she's 21 with 5 children and don't want any of them but the one she has with the man she's with now. and if he kicks her out she will leave him behind i keep praying my son will get his life together or at least wake up and do what's best for the children. i am going to talk to a lawyer this week. and by me letting him stay in my trailer i can show the judge what he wants them to live in. if i charge him rent i'd have to fix the place up. and that's what he was suppose to do in exchange for rent(that he hasn't done).

it is great that you are there for your grandchildren. they need stability in their life . it's very sad their parents can't give it to them. sounds like your son is showing you he can do what ever he wants and there's nothing you can do about it. pretty immature. pray - it will bring you peace.
see a lawyer and do what's best for the kids.
best of luck.

i thank you. and yes,sadly i say, my son is very immature and he only thinks of hisself,but him and his wife have always done that. i'm the only stability they've ever had. i will put it in the hands of god, he's always come thru for me. i know my son takes advantage of me,but what do you do when it's someone you love??? tough love??? i don't know how. thanks again,cause talking to someone always helps!!!

Oh.....ninnyrick....don't think I was saying you were not putting the children first. By all means you've gone above and beyond.

By making that statement, I was implying....that your son was an adult and should be treated as such. He doesn't obviously have the children at heart as you do, and even though you love your son, you may have to go against him to protect the children. That doesn't mean you don't love him. A mothers love is unconditional.

It's kinda like when your kids are little and you have to discipline them....it hurts.(you of course) Well as adults the punishment is more severe.....I'm just say don't let him run over you and chance losing the kids. He will always be your son. He may get mad.....but eventually that will all smooth over......especially if he's out of a job and needs money.....they always come around then. Don't sweat it, do what you have to do, he'll be fine....he's a big boy now.

[This message has been edited by paula2 (edited July 10, 2000).]